Aspiration: To Be Super Woman

I’m a list person. Among those carefully constructed lists are ones for grocery, household chores, daily to-do, weekly to-do, and honey-do. I also have a special calendar by the bed where I write down what I wear each day. I know a lot of people think that’s very strange, but I don’t care; it’s come in very handy. One day, I will end my day with everything on my little daily to-do list checked off. I love the feeling I get when looking over a list full of tasks/chores, and every one has a neat little line through it. I just wish that would happen more often.

I have such a problem with sloth – not in myself but others. I hear about people who fritter away their days doing a whole lot of nothing, and it bothers me so much. I know that my feelings are rooted in a deep-seeded fear that others will see me as being a lazy person, and that stems from the desire to have significant purpose and meaning in my life as a whole. Since I married Chris three years ago, he’s been helping me to relax more. It’s not that I never relaxed before; I just often felt really guilty about it, especially when there was unfinished work. I worked so hard in high school and college so that I could have a good future. Well, that future is here. I’ve had (and still have) a successful career, and now I have a beautiful family. In addition, with the shift in my job and my new family, my purpose and meaning in life is shifting. More than ever, however, there is always work to be done, always enough to keep me busy. Working full time certainly limits my time for home duties. However, even if I’ve done all the cleaning and laundry and have attended to all my little family’s needs, there are a dozen little projects to be completed. I also have a queue of books lined up just waiting to be read, writing projects that I need my attention, and many other little tasks.

I’ve been trying to get used to my new schedule over the last week and a half since I’m back to work full time and have longer (and earlier) hours. I rise at 4:40 every morning in order to get my workout in, and I have to be in the car at 6:25 sharp in order to get Willow Grace to Mom and then take myself on to work. In the evening, by the time I make dinner, get everyone fed (sometimes including myself), clean up the kitchen, and go through Willow Grace’s bedtime ritual (bath, books, bottle, bed), I barely have enough energy left for much else. I try to tackle a few household chores like laundry and basic cleaning, but sometimes it’s all I can do to check off the tasks that I must do to in order to keep my morning free of that frantic rush I hate so much. I always repack her diaper bag, lay out my workout and work clothes, and clear the living room of toys so I have room to workout in the morning. Oh, and after I climb into bed each night, I’m trying really hard to read at least a chapter from a novel. Since I don’t always have the time and/or energy to attend to the other chores on my list, that guilty feeling creeps back in. I really want to be Super Woman, and I really believe that, in my own way, I can. I just need a little time to adjust to this schedule. I’m up to the challenge!