What’s the deal?

I go to the same Starbucks about once a week. I’m not a big coffee drinker unless I make it myself, but I do like specialty drinks. I order the same thing every week: a tall tea cider with Calm tea. Strangely enough, every week they seem totally confused by this order. Eyebrows crease and those same questions come tumbling out. I just smile and say, “I don’t want caramel or cinnamon, just the hot cider and with a bag of Calm tea, thank you.” Yet, still, I feel as if I’m being viewed as some strange being from another world who might as well be ordering meteorite juice. Finally, light begins to dawn in the barista’s eyes. “Oh, I see what you’re asking for; sure, we can do that!” Hmmm, you think? I’ve only ordered this particular drink at this very Starbucks a hundred times.

Anyway, despite the difficulties of ordering this drink; you really should try it. It’s a soothing type of beverage, just the right thing to partake of before attempting to go to sleep. I often have different sleep problems, so anything that can calm me down and slow my thinking process is good for me. Last night Chris said that I was extremely restless and actually smacked him a few times. I was having the most bizarre dreams, and between the migraine and the medicine I took, I’m not really surprised that I was flailing my arms a bit. I was somewhat aware of the fact that I was in pain even though I was asleep, so I really couldn’t have been sleeping that deeply, not deep enough to be truly rested this morning but apparently deep enough to hit my husband. How strange.

Do you ever wake up from a dream and want to go back to sleep immediately and finish the dream? I’ve tried it, but even if I somehow end up in the same place, the dream doesn’t end the way I would have wanted it to. Most of my dreams are so strange that I just lie there trying to figure it all out. There are times that I will have dreams which incorporate people from high school, college, and the school I teach at now. I’ve spent my entire life around schools, so it makes sense that my dreams would often be there too. However, it’s very strange when several different time periods of my life collide, and it’s almost never pleasant.

I’m happier at this stage in my life than I ever was before. I think it has a lot to do with confidence and truly knowing who I am and not being afraid for others to see that. I wish that I had that when I was younger. I wish that I could go back and talk to the younger me and tell me to embrace who I was. Even then I think I had all the elements I needed to be all that I wanted to be; I just couldn’t see it. I guess a lot of us end up saying, “If only I knew then what I know now, I would have....” What would I have done? It’s hard to say, and there’s really no way to truly know.


Along that same thought, we just finished watching Walk the Line. Brilliant. I loved it. I felt that Reese’s Oscar was well deserved, and I wish that Joaquin could have walked away with one as well. Anyway, the point is, I’m sure that there were points in Johnny Cash’s life when he would have felt the same as I do. He could have been spared so much pain and could have spared others if only he had seen things clearer earlier. Of course we all know the real point to all of this is that we learn something along the way and find a way to make the world better. I’d like to think I’m doing that… learning and making things better.