Love, Nephrology & Play Dates

This morning I heard a preacher say something that I've been chewing on mentally all day. In dealing with the subject of judging, he said that God had shown him that it's God's job to judge, the Holy Spirit's job to convict, and our job to love. Love. Love. Love. That's what we are supposed to be all about. There's so much more that can be said to break this all down more, but I'm just mulling it all over and purposing to live it out.

Update on Willow Grace:
I can't believe that we've been home from the hospital for a little over a month! Yesterday we had our check up with the nephrologist (kidney doctor). Everything went well, except for having to have blood taken (oh, the wailing!) and the fact that the initial tests indicate that her little kidneys are having to work too hard. At this moment, I am actually waiting for a call from Vandy Children's to let us know what the further tests and labs indicate and what we might need to do to help her to fully recover. Really, we have two options. Either she'll need to take medicine to help her kidneys function better, or we'll just wait, monitor her progress, and check everything again in a month or two. I'm praying for the latter. The doctor also said that we need to keep her our of school for another week to allow her immune system to get a bit stronger. She's still so different than she was before this whole thing began. Her energy level is lower as is her appetite, and she still gets me up between 2-3 AM every morning. I really could use more than 4-5 hours of sleep a night!

We were blessed with two snow days this week. I know that many people here in Middle Tennessee have had most or even the entire week off, but working in a private school changes the rules on that a bit. On Tuesday, my friend Ralanna brought over her two beautiful little girls, Kassidy and Addy, to play with Willow Grace. When they first arrived, Willow Grace was overjoyed and seemed just like any other little girl her age. They all immediately put on princess dresses, and started playing with the tea set and Disney princess dolls and running all over the house. It was absolutely delightful watching those three little beauties dancing around each other chattering incessantly and giggling over all sorts of silliness. However, about 45 minutes into their visit, Willow Grace became increasing quiet. She wasn't interested in wearing her princess dress or playing with anything. She just wanted to be near me and to sit on the couch and watch her beloved Veggie Tales. They still stayed for another hour or so, and she was happy to have them there but just didn't have the energy to join in. When they left, it was time for dinner which I had to feed to her myself and wake her up in between bites. She was in bed for the night by 6 PM!

I hope you have a wonderful weekend. And don't forget to be purposeful in loving others!

Shopping Buddies

What a blessing and joy is was to return to work this week! Just a couple days of normalcy and reacquainting myself with my workplace and colleagues... and a couple days to be loved on by all my work friends, it was just about perfect! I even got to have lunch at one of my favorite places yesterday, The Cottage in Bellevue, with my sweet friend, Megan, and accomplish a tad of Christmas shopping in their gift shop! Also, the fact that I was even at work was evidence that God had been faithfully working in our lives in healing Willow Grace and bringing her home. I would not have left her side otherwise.

And now, Christmas break has begun. Woo-hoo!

I love everything about Christmas - the sights, the sounds, the smells, the parties, the shopping, the celebrations, the decorations, the church services, the presents, the festive feeling, even seeing those tacky sweaters I refuse to wear on other people! Today, I'm going to try to accomplish a bit of my Christmas shopping with Mom and Willow Grace in tow, two of my favorite shopping buddies. We're celebrating our Christmas with Chris's family early, this Sunday, and so I must accomplish at least half of my shopping today.

For the first week we were in the hospital with Willow Grace, she didn't talk and hardly responded to us in any way. Once she started again, it was like she was making up for lost time and talked constantly, even in her sleep! One afternoon, just a day or two after she finally started talking again, while she was taking a long nap, she quietly murmured, "Shopping... I want to shop." That's my girl! Yesterday afternoon, when I returned from work, she and Chris were waiting for me parked outside our house. They had just returned from Cool Springs Mall where Chris had taken her to ride the carousel. That sweet girl LOVES a carousel! And she had been telling Chris that she really wanted to go to Target. Last night, she finally got her wish to go shopping. Not only did we go to Target, but we also took a lovely little drive down to the Ashland City Walmart. For those of you who tend to worry, don't! It was not taxing on her as she was content to ride around in the shopping carts while we were there. Also, we had her layered up and bundled her in new her heavy, thick kitty cat blanket. She was warm and toasty and was delighted to be out and about!

When we finally arrived home, it didn't take long for exhaustion to overtake us while we rested in the living room. Willow Grace was, of course, the first to slip off, and Chris carried her upstairs so that she could rest better in her little bed. Not long after that, however, I heard her calling for me. I hurried to the steps but just not quick enough. She was attempting to come down them when her little legs gave out half way down the first set. She tumbled down the last 3-4 steps and slumped over on the landing. She was unhurt, didn't even cry, but just desperate to get to me. Though she continues to build in strength and energy, she still has quite a bit of trouble with the stairs. However, I guess she just needed a little more time with Mama before settling down for the night. I was able to get her back to bed and off to sleep with little effort.

And now, I must hop around and prepare the two of us for our fun day ahead. I hope you are all well this fine December morning! I'm still reveling in the joy of having my girl home for Christmas and feeling the awe and wonder of the miracle my dear Father has accomplished in our lives.

Merry Christmas!

Faith, Sleep, and Making Lists

Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. (KJV)

Isaiah 40:31
But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired. (AMP)


True faith is praying for rain and then carrying an umbrella, living expectantly. We are living expectantly, and yet my heart is still filled with wonder and amazement as I listen to Willow Grace's doctors tell me that she is improving quicker than normal. Now, instead of predicting that we will be here for another four weeks, they are telling us it will be closer to a week or possibly two! I know that prayer works and that it is working in the life of our little girl and in our own hearts. Today she was able to get out of bed for just a bit for a little physical therapy. It's heart-breaking to see the fear in her eyes as she wobbles around painfully on her little legs which she hasn't really used in the last two weeks, and yet she refused to quit trying. Such a determined, brave little girl!

And yet, I confess that, physically, I have, at times, grown weary and tired, and I have lost my patience and felt the weight of this ordeal bearing down on me. And I have looked to sleep as the only solution for curing my intense fatigue. Of course, I do need sleep, and a good night's rest certainly does help to refresh one's perspective, but it is not a lasting solution. Truly, the only thing that has carried me through this is faith. Faith in God. Faith that He will see us through this. Faith that He can take this awful circumstance and bring from it something beautiful.

Tonight, once again, my energy has been nearly depleted. I will lay down my head searching for some peace and sweet sleep, and yet if my girl needs me in the night, as has been the case several times a night every night we've been here, I will somehow call up any energy I may have in reserve and tend to her. Thank God for the blessing of three women in my life, (my sweet Mama, my mother-in-law Donitta, and my dear friend Leslie) who have been staying the nights with me here in the hospital, sitting by Willow Grace's bedside so that I might get some rest. How they have ministered to me and to Willow Grace! I am overwhelmingly grateful for the gift of their presence and how they have tenderly loved and taken care of my little family.

A couple years ago I developed a new habit. I try every night when I go to bed to focus on something positive before I go to sleep. If I can't sleep, I try listing things alphabetically in my head like things having to do with Christmas (Advent, Bethlehem, caroling...), people I love (Donitta, Eva Joy, Frazier...), or the attributes of God (gracious, holy, inspiring...); or I might focus on a scripture or something He's done in my life or the lives' of those I know. Tonight, I'll be focusing on the scripture above and praying that He renews my strength and the strength of all those parents, grandparents, and friends who are watching over children in this hospital tonight.

Day of Dialysis

It's just after 2:30 AM, and I am sitting here watching all the little machines working on/monitoring Willow Grace as she watches episodes of My Friends Tigger and Pooh on DVD. (Why oh why did they decide to take that show off of Playhouse Disney!?!) So far she's seemed a bit dazed and has responded very little. And I wonder what is going through that sweet little mind. I know she doesn't understand what has happened/is happening to her, and she's just trying to focus on something familiar like her beloved Tigger. She has had neither anything to eat nor a bath since Tuesday, and I know that adds to her level of comfort.

Saturday morning, we started out thinking that we'd be going through another day of observation, and I hoped to get a nap in somewhere since I'd only taken in about three hours of sleep Friday night. However, it wasn't long before we were informed that Willow Grace had not progressed like we had hoped and dialysis was needed. The surgical team and the picc line team was called, and around 2 PM we all headed down for surgery. They put in a picc line and pernineal catheter, and the surgery went very well. Not long after we were back in our room, and they were preparing the dialysis machine. For now, the treatment is continuous. That little dialysis machine is putting in a lot of work!

While standing there watching her little groggy face, the fact that I had not eaten all day and the tension I'd been feeling finally caught up to me, and I felt the world begin to spin just a bit. My lovely Moma, my mother-in-law, Donitta, my sweet Aunt Ruby, and my dear friend, CB, were all on hand to make sure I rested and that Chris and I finally got some food in us. The blessings of strong, Godly women are immeasurable.

For now, we're just talking all of this a day, an hour, a moment at a time. The docs have said that we'll be here at least another 10-14 days. Interestingly enough, the nurse on duty tonight has a daughter who had HUS when she was about Willow Grace's age. They where in the hospital for six weeks. That was about 20 years ago, and we are praying for a speedy recovery and a much shorter stay!

Our God is faithful and true. I feel peace knowing that He is holding her in His mighty hands which are so much for capable than mine or any doctor's. While it's amazing to me, I can rest in the truth that He loves her so much more than even I do. Healing is hers and ours, and I'm thanking God for the mighty work that He has begun in her and is carrying on to completion. I will ever praise Him!

Waffle Cones and Hijacked Shopping Carts

Yes, it's Willow Grace Wednesday, but I didn't feel like using that title once again.

And, guess what??? No pictures this week! Just a story.

Willow Grace and I ventured to the local TCBY to meet some friends, Ralanna and her two year old Addy, and to indulge in $.99 Waffle Cone Wednesday. Gotta love that! Of course, I spent the entire time feeding my beloved daughter her chocolate frozen yogurt, so I didn't get to indulge, even those ice cream/frozen yogurt is my favorite treat. Ah, well. Just part of being a mom. Anyway, after we finished feeding a sweet girls their sweet treat, we discovered that hanging out at the yogurt shop with sugared-up toddlers while we finised our chat just wasn't going to work.

On to the Kroger (grocery store) next door!

I love the fact that they have shopping carts with little cars attached to the front, and so does Willow Grace! At first we tried loading both girls into the same car but quickly found out that, even as young as they are, they needed their own personal space. Of course, you know that two women trying to have a decent conversation while pushing two different carts in the grocery store doesn't work very well. Nevertheless, we tried... and then moved on to another plan. Willow Grace and Addy were greatly enjoying "driving" their little cars around, so we decided that they didn't need to give that up. Where can you find enough room to push two large shopping carts with toy cars attached side by side? The parking lot, of course!

Ralanna and I raced, yes, we raced, to the front door (She won!), and we headed out to the parking lot. We choose the less travelled side lot for our rounds and made several laps with our precious cargo and successfully enjoyed some much needed girl talk. Babies happy, mommies happy -- it was all good!

Of course there was the slight chance that some disgruntled employee would come bolting out of the store to reprimand us and tell us to bring back our hijakced carts, but that only made our mini adventure all the more exciting. Really, I was kind of hoping that it would happen! When we did return our borrowed carts to the store, we were met by a very amused and yet silent employee. All in all, a very fun outing for us all.

Women's Appreciation High Tea

I always mean for this event to be a yearly occasion, but inevitably something hinders my plans. The last time I was able to do it was in 2005. Usually I plan it as a dinner, but this year I thought that high tea would be fun. I invited eight women who have been influential and supportive in my life.

I prepared a light meal of cucumber sandwiches, tomato sandwiches, cheese & crackers, mini quiches, fruit salad, and rose shaped spice cupcakes with a light glaze and chocolate covered strawberries for dessert. To my delight everything turned out great, and I enjoyed a lovely afternoon with my dear friends.

After we ate, I presented them with letters that I had written to each one of them highlighting how they've blessed me and others and also showcasing just a bit of each lady's inner beauty. Each lady's letter was read aloud to her by the woman on her right. Yes, there were tears, and it was a very special time. Afterwards, I gave each woman a copy of Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge.

( These are the lovely flowers my husband picked up for me for our event.)

(Some of the hand dipped chocolate covered strawberries we had for dessert. I wish I had thought to get a picture of the table before we all sat down to eat. It really was quite lovely.)

(from left: Christina:former roomate/friend, Donitta:mother-in-law, Aunt Ruby, and Eva Joy:sister)

(from left: Mom, Leslie: coworker/friend, CB: coworker/friend, Charlene: former student/coworker/friend)

(CB took this one so I could be in one of the shots. I wish we could have gotten one with all of us together.We all wore silly hats which just added to the fun!)

I really hope that I'll be able to make this a yearly event from now on.

Willow Grace Wednesday

Yeah, I'm a day late on this, but better late than....
This week I thought I'd feature Willow Grace having fun with others.

Of course, she always has fun with her mommy!


We had a play date with Kassidy and Addy. Their mom Ralanna was gently spinning the three girls around in her office chair, and they loved it! Such cuties! (See the bottom of Willow Grace's shoes? Yep, that's duct tape! Tip: Duct tape gives slippery shoes traction!)


This is Willow Grace's Wednesday morning buddy, Sylvie. Every Wednesday morning I bring Willow Grace to work with me where Donitta, my mother-in-law, picks her up. I'm not sure who has more fun, Sylvie or Willow Grace!

~My Husband Rocks!~ Friday

My wonderful husband rocks because even though yesterday was his birthday, he put his own feelings and wants aside and was there for me. A phenomenal lady who was my friend and colleague died this week, and yesterday was her funeral. Such a beautiful ceremony! Chris took half of the day off to go with me. I can't tell you what it meant to me to have him sitting there next to me and to feel that strong arm around my shoulders. What a comfort! I honestly don't know how I would have handled it without him.

To add to that, he also had to work really late last night and didn't get home until both Willow Grace and I were in bed. Not much of a birthday. At least there were presents, 3 cards (I just couldn't choose!), and a nice breakfast yesterday morning since neither of us went to work before the funeral. Still, I will find a way to make it all up to him. He deserves a crazy-good birthday for how good he's been to me.

Oh, he also rocks because he's so cute, and I love how we match with our blue and black in this picture!

Must Be a Cruel Joke

This is what I just keep thinking. “I just can’t believe it. It must be a cruel joke.” For the last 24 hours, I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around the fact that my co-worker, my friend, died on Saturday. She was on her way to Chattanooga to help her daughter plan her December wedding, and she pulled off at a rest stop because of a headache and ended up having an aneurism. She was found unconscious, life-flighted to Nashville, had an operation, and died. Those are the facts. While I can rattle them off; somehow those words have very little meaning for me.

I found out last night as I was cleaning our house for community group, and I just couldn’t deal with it. My mind keeps rejecting the idea. She is such a vibrant, colorful woman; and the world has just gotten a little bit darker. We won’t have school on Thursday so that we can all go to the service. Maybe by then this will all become a little more real for me.