I Should Be Asleep But....

I just had to record my thoughts first.

Early this morning I slipped out of our little hospital room, leaving my sweet friend, Leslie, who had stayed the night with us, and Willow Grace asleep; and I wandered downstairs to grab a bit of breakfast. As soon as I stepped out of the elevator, my ears were met by the swell of a piano and the most soulful voice. At first, being so early I felt that it must be a recording, and yet I could not help but go in search of the source which I soon discovered to be in the little hospital chapel. A young black man sat alone in the chapel playing the baby grand and singing out in earnest praises to the Lord. I slid into a rocking chair in the back of the room and closed my eyes letting the words swirl around in my head and calm my heart. It was just a few moments of listening to someone else singing worship songs, and yet it was as good as any church service I could have attended.

After a few songs, he stopped, and I inquired, "So, is this something you do every Sunday, or are you a patient's dad?" To which he replied, "No, actually, I work here. I try to come before my shift so I can worship the Lord and spend a little time in His presence." He went on to tell me that he works in critical care. He describe how everyone becomes really attached the children in the hospital under their care and how hard that is, especially in critical care. Sometimes those children are here for months, and sometimes after all that time they lose them. "It's really hard when a child passes," he told me. "Sometimes the only thing that gets me through is coming down here and worshipping the Lord." He asked me about my own situation, and I told him about Willow Grace and our time here. After we talked for a while longer, he asked me if he could pray with me. Taking both of my hands in his own, he uttered the most beautiful, complete prayer including not only Willow Grace and her healing but also our whole family and every doctor, nurse, caregiver, and visitor who came in and out of our room. He prayed a special blessing over After the prayer, he hugged me and headed on upstairs to start his shift while I continued my journey to the cafeteria trying not to shed tears (even tears of joy and hope)so early in my day. What a blessed way to start my day!

Oh, how I needed that this morning. Willow Grace continues to improve though there are still so many challenges each day. Apparently she has developed an infection at the site of her picc line. She's been running a fever all weekend, and they did some tests to determine the cause. And so, they decided to give her two different kinds of antibiotics to cure the infection. The first one was fine, but the second one caused red man syndrome. In case you're not familiar with this condition, it's when a drug causes a person's head, neck, and sometimes torso to turn red and start itching terribly. Willow Grace had a terribly reaction. She was thrashing about violently, scratching her head frantically with both hands, and screaming. It was horrendous. The nurses decided to give her some Benedryl by IV which caused another crazy reaction. At first she calmed down, and then suddenly she was screaming, kicking, and thrashing about on the bed. Though Benedryl by IV can cause an adverse reaction in children, the severity of Willow Grace's reaction alarmed the nurse, and she gave Willow Grace some Tylenol and paged the doctor. A few moments after she had the Tylenol, in the middle of a crying out, she fell fast asleep, absolutely exhausted. The doctor came to examine her and determined that she would be fine. And most of the rest of the afternoon and evening, she has slept.

I'm hoping that she cotinues to sleep tonight, letting her little body heal and also allowing me to get some rest. I am one very, very tired mommy.