Expectations

This snowy Monday morning finds Chris, Willow Grace, and me lounging in the living room. A blazing fire is merrily crackling away in the hearth, and Willow Grace has spent the last hour giggling incessantly for a dozen silly reasons causing us to join in with her without really knowing why. Perhaps it's just that we're all so happy to be here in our cozy home instead of still being couped up in that little hospital room.

We're slowly, very slowly, settling back into our life here, and I am trying to allow myself to rest without feeling guilty about it. Our 18 days in the hospital left me feeling quite exhausted. I know that I said to myself and others that I knew it would be a process, that I would have to readjust to life outside the hospital, and that it would take a some time for Willow Grace to finish her recovery and build back up her strength. I said it, and I believed it. Really, I did. And yet, it's an entirely different thing to live it. And so now I am continuing to employ patience, mostly with myself. I tend to be pretty hard on myself and hold myself to high expectations, sometimes unrealistically so. I don't have all the things we accumulated at the hospital organized and put away, and I haven't put away all of the autumn decorations that were still out waiting for the Thanksgiving we never got to have. There's so much to be done. I suppose it's time to cut myself a little bit of slack. It will all get accomplished, just not on the time table I had set up in my head.

Our first night home, Saturday night, I think that we were all just so grateful to be here that we practically melted into the furniture when we arrived. Willow Grace immediately started playing with her toys, but when she sat down on the floor she needed help getting back up. Later, when she tried to climb the steps to go to her room, she could only make it up one step! The last two nights, I tried to put her to sleep in her own bed, but at some point I ended up running, half-asleep to her side when she shrilly screamed out, "Mommy!" And inevitably, she has ended up in our bed. (Interestingly enough, she only calls me Mommy when she's sick, scared, or has some other problem she can't solve herself. Otherwise, it's Mama or Ariel.)Yesterday and today, she has gained back a tad more strength, and her appetite seems to be increasing as well. I so wish that I could take her out in this glorious snow. She loves it so much and wants so badly to build a snowman. So far, however, she has been content to look out the window at the snow. What's important is that she is on the mend, and we will get to enjoy our Christmas break with family and here in our little home. And I'm just going to pray for more snow this winter season for us to enjoy!