Refocus

Whenever I look back over my life and find moments or even long periods of floundering in stress and emotional struggles, I cannot help but notice and admit that whatever difficulty I may have been facing was made so much worse if I failed to spend time in prayer and the Scriptures. Confusion, emotional strain, depression, feeling overwhelmed - all of these and more start to creep in when I like, Peter, take my eyes off of Jesus and look at the storm raging all around me. In truth, the reason why I handled my time so well at Willow Grace's side in the hospital is because I spent so much time all day long and even in the night watches praying, reading the Bible, and listening to good preachers of faith on the internet. I surrounded myself with scriptures in our little room, posting them at eye level so that in whichever direction I or anyone else looked, even in the bathroom, there was something uplifting to encourage our spirits. Indeed, there were times when a doctor or nurse would stand there, wearing some dark expression, and gravely utter some negative report, and I, instead of meditating on that human reasoning, chose instead to focus on the promises my dear Lord gave me ages ago.

After we all returned home from the hospital we struggled to return to some sense of normalcy, and in my desire to return my home to a somewhat organized state focused more on that than I did on spending time with my Savior. I began to feel overwhelmed and frustrated, and I realized once again that I had made a poor trade - organization for time with the Lord. My heart, mind, and emotions all began to betray me and travel down paths devoid of the Lord's calling. We are still adjusting and working through Willow Grace's recovery. She continues to improve more and more each day. She is actually sleeping between 11-14 hours each night! Her little body (and I do mean little, as she lost so much weight) is busy in the healing process. However, in most respects, things have calmed down considerably, and so, I now readjust and refocus and thank my God that all along the way He is with me, gently leading me back into His presence and in the way I should go. I confess that I so desperately need Him, and that is one place of desperation for which I am not ashamed.