Wednesday, December 01, 2010

"What We Have Here Is... Failure to Communicate"

Today I was reminded of those famous words above from Cool Hand Luke. (If you haven't seen the movie, you should. So amazing.)

Twice today I had people show up at the door to Willow Grace's room ready to perform different medical procedures of which we had not been informed. Needless to say, this was quite unsettling. First, while Willow Grace was taking a rather satisfying nap, a man opened the door to her room and entered pulling a large machine behind him announcing that he was ready to do a chest x-ray. A chest x-ray? Why? He didn't know; it was just his job to do the x-ray. About thirty minutes later, a nurse stepped inside and said, "OK, we're almost ready to put in her feeding tube. She's not going to like this at all, and she'll probably get pretty upset!" Really? This is how they choose to let me know about these things? I had to step into the bathroom and try to pull myself together after hitting one of those emotional breaking points. I sat down on the edge of the tub and cried and prayed.

I thought, "Here we go again... more opportunities to see if I can walk in love. I put these scriptures up all over the room for a reason." Today, I kept seeing Isaiah 26:3 which is posted on the door going into the bathroom, "You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You because he trusts in You." Each time I see that scripture, I choose once again to trust, and in return I immediately feel God's peace wash over me.

I couldn't handle staying in the room while they put the feeding tube in. I stepped outside feeling like I had abandoned my little girl in a time of need and had just completely failed as a mother in that moment. And even in that moment of despair, God brought two people into my life to show me how much He cares. First was the mother of two of my former students who is also a nurse. She was about to head into my room to assist with the procedure. She hugged me and lovingly explained everything to me. After she went inside I stepped a couple doors down into the nutrition room to get some ice water, and I met Victor the maintenance man. He told me about doing the same thing with his daughter, "They were about to put a big ol' needle in her back, and I thought, 'Now I gonna be a man about this,' but I just couldn't. I had to go out in the hall and wait. You OK. Your little girl is gonna be OK," he told me. He talked to me a bit more and made me smile and told me he'd be praying for me.


(Willow Grace after they put the feeding tube in)

Later, one of the doctors from the nephrology team came up to apologize about the breakdown in communication. She admitted that someone should have come and explained everything to me just after they made their decisions. She didn't make any excuses for their actions; she just apologized. And I found out that some of the information I was given earlier was faulty. It turns out that Willow Grace needed the chest xray to determine why she was having such a hard time breathing and to see if she had fluid on her lungs, and she needed the tube, which is not be used as a feeding tube, to help release some of the pressure on her tummy during dialysis. Apparently the dialysis is causing her intestines to press up on her lungs which is causing her to breathe really shallow. I told them I understood that all of this was needed to help her, but I would have appreciated a "little heads up" next time.

So, today, has been a difficult day - for those reasons and also because my sweet girl has been in a lot of pain. Any parents who may be reading this understand; I wish I could take that pain away so badly. And so I pray, kneeling next to her bed, as I pace around the room, and sometimes when I retreat to the bathroom to hide my tears from her searching eyes. It's a bit funny to me that the little hospital bathroom has become my "prayer closet," but I think it's as good a place as any.

5 comments:

Sarah Catherine Wheeler said...

I'm praying for her tonight friend. Thanks for sharing your story. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. I'm so glad that you got an apology from the doctor. I can guess that felt very important in the whole scheme of things today. Praying she heals quickly and completely!

M.K. said...

Praying for you and thinking of you often, KK. This is a valley to walk through, and I hope for your sake it is brief. But the effect will be marvelous on your soul, since you are soft and pliable in His hands during this testing. I'm thinking of the great joy you'll have later, as you watch them disconnect WG from all these medical things, as you watch her get well, and as you walk out those hospital doors with her. That day will come. God's peace washing over you shows that you are doing things right. Keep trusting and pressing on.

Nicki Yorke said...

KK....thank you for your updates...I actually look forward to reading them...you are blessing people out there - I want you to know that God is using you and this situation. I continue to pray for your sweet baby...stay strong - God is good ALL the time. His heart breaks when your heart breaks. I love that the bathroom is your prayer closet - funny how God works. :-) Praying today is an awesome day for you, Chris and Willow Grace.

Anna Schartung Tidwell said...

I love your attitude and your strength in all of this Kay! We are praying and believing for a complete healing!! God is a all time healer and the great physician! He already took the strips on His back for sweet Willow Grace! We do not have the answers for a lot of things but He does and He truly has a plan! I love how you are resting in it! I am not a mother yet but I can not imagine the trials you are facing! Jesus has giving you and your family peace that has past all understanding! Can not wait to see her walk out of there well!

leslie beall said...

Thank you for this update, I was wanting an explanation for all the goings on yesterday!I am so excited about the peeing. God is moving. I love you so much!