Yesterday I started the day by walking two miles at 5 AM with Chris, and then I did a little laundry. After a very busy day at work, I came home, walked Bella, went swimming by myself, worked out to the Firm, made and ate dinner, cleaned up the kitchen, went swimming with Chris, and finished out the evening writing and reading. Of course this morning I walked the two miles with Chris again, did some more laundry before work, emptied the dish washer, and then had another busy day at work. Bella has been walked and is resting on the floor behind me. Right now I’m simply drained, and I’m sore from yesterday’s Firm workout. I haven’t done that particular workout in a few months, but I plan to add it to my schedule every other day. I thought about doing Tae Bo or walking on the treadmill this afternoon, but I think I’ll just relax… and do a little laundry.
I have a hard time being idle.
Chris is always trying to get me to relax, and for the first six months or so of our marriage I did start to relax. Now, however, I find that I can hardly sit still. When I watch TV or a movie, I feel like I need to be doing something productive. (I really need to learn to knit.) I used to really enjoy watching movies at home, but lately I feel so restless, like I’m wasting time, especially if it’s a movie I’ve already seen. Tonight I’m going to try to relax a little. Even as I write this I feel something within me start to rebel against that thought. I know there is so much to do. I have visions of the dining room table and the living room with an assortment of items strewn about waiting to be put in their proper places, the pile of ironing that awaits me at the foot of the bed, the load of clothes on the bed and another in the dryer that need to folded, the loads of clothes yet to be washed, the items behind me in the office that need to be organized, the sink that needs to be scoured, and the range of other chores. I know that none of these activities are really pressing concerns, and I know that I could just attend to these things tomorrow. However, I start to think about what other chores will inevitable present themselves when tomorrow comes.
I worry about people thinking that I’m lazy. After reading what I’ve written above, I know that some of you think that I’m crazy. I do keep busy, but what if it’s just not enough? What if I miss something really important and let someone down in a significant way? A few years ago this concern got me into trouble. Among other things I taught 7th grade English and theater, directed three plays a year, orchestrated the Renaissance Festival, and led a discipleship group for high school girls. Often my work day was 12 to 14 hours long, and I would only have a break, spent planning my classes and grading, every other day. I was exhausted. I think I said “yes” a little too often that year. While I no longer direct plays or lead a d-group, I need to be really careful not to overextend myself again, even if it’s only in my personal life.
So, tonight’s goal: rest and watch an entire movie without working on anything else. (Chris will be shocked if I am actually able to do this!)
3 comments:
You go, girl! I am high-strung and constantly busy too, so I can sympathize with your "hyper-productivity".
I understand that hard time relaxing feeling. I constantly think of other things I could do and get so restless so fast. Wow! You have sure been busy the past couple of days!
I really wish you would relax. I know how you feel about the restlessness but if you don't relax some your body will rebel against you ... believe me I learned from experience. I washed out at 21 after being at the state for a year. My body started to go into systematic shut down, first my strength, then my digestive system. The docs told me they didn't know what was wrong but it wasn't until I let myself relax that I was better. I always tell you to relax because I don't want to see that happen to you. I love you too much for that.
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