The Questions That Remain

In the days and weeks to come, I know that I'll continue to process and reprocess all that has happened in our lives in the last month. And I'm sure that I'll work quite a bit of that out writing on my blog. There will be questions that simply will not be able to be answered such as: Where did Willow Grace come into contact with the e. coli? We have answered what seems like thousands of questions from doctors, nurses, and specialists; and Chris and I have even talked to the state department several times in order to solve this mystery, and yet we have still not come up with a viable source. And so, eventually, we'll choose to put those wonderings to rest and just choose to be thankful for our healthy, happy little girl.

(We took a little outing yesterday down to the 2nd floor. Willow Grace was so excited about her ride in the red wagon!)

For the moment, however, we are in a state of waiting. A little less than an hour ago, the nurse came to draw blood, and we are waiting to hear back from the lab. We need to see if, after yesterday's surgery, Willow Grace will need another transfusion. If she does, we stay until Monday when she will be reassessed. But, if she doesn't, then our sojourn here is complete, and we will finally return to our home. Scriptures and cards and Christmas decorations will have to be removed from the doors and walls. I'll busy myself with gathering clothes, toys, stuffed animals, and care packages and packing them into the big duffel bag and extra large suitcase I asked Chris to bring from home last night. This really has been our "home away from home" for the last few weeks, and it'll require a good deal of effort to get us on our way.

Strangely enough, I am a bit nervous about going home. Since I haven't been there in so long, I wonder what it'll be like readjusting to normal life, and I don't know what the rest of Willow Grace's recovery will look like there. What will that require of us? How long will it be before she's regained her strength and can do everything she did before? When will I feel safe taking her back out into public? Will she find it strange to be home? We've been sleeping in the same room, and I wonder if it will take a few nights before we can stay in our own beds. So many questions and no answers until we live it. So much of life is like that.

What happens next? Only God knows, but I'll keep you posted!

A Brief Glimpse of Home Life

Yesterday neither Chris nor I felt very well. I had been up most of the night, only getting about 2-3 hours of sleep. So, we played hooky from church and just lounged around all day in our pj’s in front of the TV and a lovely fire Chris built for us. Finally, as evening drew near and our feelings of ill health declined, we decided (and by we I mean me ☺) that we had to do a few things to get the house in order before the work week started. I busied myself with vacuuming, making dinner, and tending to the laundry. Chris straightened the living room and cleaned up the kitchen after dinner. After dinner, I was folding and putting away Willow Grace’s clothes when I heard her distinct hysterical giggles coming from the living room downstairs. To my surprise I also heard the classic Wham song “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.” Apparently Willow Grace LOVED the song and danced her little heart out with her daddy! I’m sorry I missed seeing it, but I have to tell you that listening to them was priceless!

4:13 AM and...

I can't get back to sleep. I awoke well over an hour ago to the strained little cries of Willow Grace who had a very wet diaper. She had not finished her bedtime bottle, so I gave her that. Still she did not go back to sleep, so I rocked her for another 45 minutes before gently placing her back in her bed. Finally, I lightly treaded my way back to bed, but between being slightly chilled and the million thoughts swirling around in my head sleep would not come. I thought of a half a dozen things that I could get up to do, and this one (writing here) won out.

Just fourteen hours ago I was preparing for a Pampered Chef party here at the house. Most of my guests had never been here before, and I was nearly quaking with anticipation and excitement as I took each of my guests in turn and gave them a tour of my nearly completed home. I've been working so hard all week to get each room ready -- cleaning, carefully hanging pictures, placing odds and ends. Finally, this morning, I could think of nothing else to do to prepare, and so while Chris busied himself on the computer and Willow Grace took her morning nap I stretched myself across our sleigh bed with Marley & Me and settled in to read a few chapters. What a delightful book it's turning out to be.

The party was a wild flurry of conversations and activity. I darted up and down the stairs at least a couple dozen times either giving tours or attending to some need of Willow's. I flitted from guest to guest engaging in excited conversation over Pampered Chef products, some detail of my home, the joys of being Willow Grace's mother, the happenings in their lives, workout routines, the two delicious dishes of enchilada casserole and strawberry trifle that had just been made, and fond memories of times we've shared together. On the whole, I would say that the event was quite a success, and I am so glad that I did it.

Not long after my last guest left, I quickly cleaned the dishes, tidied up the house a bit, gathered all the dishes and ingredients I would need to take with me for dinner preparation, prepared Willow's diaper bag, and headed out the door with my sister on our way to another party at my parents' house, this one a celebration for my uncle who has, quite impressively, become debt free! Our husbands had spent the last few hours together and were already there, so we woke Willow from her afternnoon nap and set out.

There I busied myself with dinner preparations. I made and served two pizza casseroles, and (to my delight) everyone gushed over how delicious they were. It's such a easy dish but is so tasty! Finally, after I cleared and cleaned the dishes, spent some time with Dad finalizing some details for the ministry's newletter, and had just a couple bites of the cake, which had multiple pictures of credit cards with the words "Paid in full" triumphantly stamped across each, we loaded up my now empty casserole dishes and our sweet girl and headed back home where I promptly put her to bed and took up my book to enjoy a few more chapters before drifting off to sleep myself.

And now I have snippets of conversations from the last 24 hours playing out in my head, rememberances of events from the novel I'm reading and even other novels I've read, scenes from TV shows and movies I've recently watched, plans for our travel to Crossville for a family reunion, to do lists, and so much else still bouncing around in my head and jostling for my attention.

It's now 4:43, and I really would like to get just a bit more sleep.

Domestic Bliss

Just an ordinary Friday.... With my hands fumbling around baby bottles, cereal bowls, and spoons deep in soapy water, my gaze wandered from the view out my kitchen window, a small patch of green grass between our building and the next, to my sweet girl in her high chair enjoying a handful of Gerber Puffs. She babbled and played with the her toy phone in one hand and attempted to pick up those tiny puffs with the other. Even while my thoughts wandered to the thousand and one tasks which have yet to be completed in order to brings order to the chaos of our new home and to the fact that my husband was far away on yet another work trip, I could not help but wear a smile of satisfaction for all seemed right with, well, at least, my world. Chris would be returning the next morning, and I wanted nothing more than for us to spend time together; the rest could wait.

We enjoyed two beautiful days. Shortly after I collected Chris from the airport mid-morning on Saturday, we grabbed an early lunch and returned home where all three of us settled in for a lovely afternoon nap. Normally, Chris and I don't nap. However, he was exhausted from the work week, and with both he and Willow Grace snuggled up in their beds, I didn't want to be left out! The rest of the weekend was filled with a variety of activities: a coed wedding shower/barbecue for Chris's brother and fiance, church, a trip top the grocery, and friends over for Sunday lunch. But I have to say that the best part of it all was having my husband by my side and my baby in my arms. God is so good.

I love being a wife and mother. I've been praying quite a bit lately that God would help me to continue to improve in those two areas. I want our home to be a place of comfort, safety, rest, and joy. When my family or anyone else walks through the door, I want them to feel a strong sense of peace. A lot of that has to do with the atmosphere I create within our home, and a great deal of that atmosphere is directly related to how much I pray and rely on Christ.

A House Becomes a Home

I tried to start this post Monday, but found that Willow Grace had become a little Houdini and was trying to escape all the boundaries I'd set up around the living room. She crawled through the bottom of the exersaucer, climbed on top of a black bin and tried to stand atop it before I rescued her, stepped up on the ledge of the fireplace and attempted to mount the ottoman-- all in desperate effort to set herself free to roam the unchartered territory outside of her normal play space. She's been really pushing her boundaries lately, and we have to keep an eagle eye on her. She's also teething pretty hard right now. She has two teeth coming in at the top, and it's made her fussy, feverish, a bit snotty, and extra sensitive. She cried more on Saturday than she has in a couple weeks put together, but by Sunday she was as chipper as ever. What a curiously delightful little girl!

Chris and I were buzzing around the house all day Monday attending to odds and ends. I hammered in a couple dozen nails for wall hangings and arranged anything I could get my hands on. We were finally able to find a piece of furniture for the dining room which can house the good china. I hated having it all wrapped up and stuck in the cabinet above the fridge. I'm not the type to wait for visiting dignitaries to use the good china, and I'll use it as soon as I can. I have a great dining room table; I just don't have any chairs to go with it at the moment unless you count our four folding chairs (which I don't). Chris is tackling the office and the patio today. Before long this house will be fit for company and perhaps even a few pictures for my blog!