Sing It and Mean It - Part 2

Just a few extra thoughts since my last post....

Since the movie Frozen was released, it has been such big influence on my little girl's activities and, thus, been on my mind quite a bit. There's no doubt that the movie is a grand hit. People are talking about it, discussing it's meaning in depth and coming up with quite a few ideas for what agenda it may or may not be pushing. While I, as a Christian, find traces of my own beliefs displayed through the sacrificial love shown by Anna, I in no way believe there to be a Christian agenda secretly woven into the film. I also don't believe that Frozen is trying to influence our children to find hidden powers they might possess, to embrace finding oneself and embracing independence at all costs, or to pursue a homosexual lifestyle -- all things I've heard/read others argue. What I do think it promotes is waiting for true love, consequences for one's actions, and the importance and power of love.

While I thoroughly enjoyed watching the movie all three times I saw it, there are certainly behaviors I don't want my daughter to emulate. However, that's where I, as the parent and guide, come in.

In the song I touched on in my last post, "Let It Go," I dealt only with the idea of letting go of things that are harming us. Does that mean that we should let everything go? No. Certainly there are things to which we should hold - our family, our faith, our convictions. Elsa started letting go of fear (a good thing to do) but went too far when she abandoned her sister and others. When Elsa sings, "No right, no wrong, no rules for me," we're not meant to blindly accept that. As we find later, she cannot live by that stance without seriously harming herself and others. These are the things I discuss with my own daughter when we talk about the movie or she sings the song.

We have the soundtrack in our car, and I often giggle when I catch a glimpse of my sweet girl in the rear view mirror clutching her fists, chin upraised, and singing with such emotion in her face. After she belts out a tune like "Love is an Open Door," I sometimes pause the CD and talk with her. The characters in the movie go from meeting to getting engaged in one evening, obviously not a wise choice. We talk about that and about what good choices they could have made.

Children's entertainment is not going to fit inside my own brand of perfect. Sometimes I roll my eyes when I see the way a parent handles a situation on on one of the programs Willow Grace watches. That's another opportunity for my girl and me to talk. While I do put boundaries on the types of things she does watch and read and listen to and try to keep them age (and morally) appropriate, I'm not going to keep her in the preschool world of entertainment with nothing but easy solutions and blissfully happy people.

Riding the Roller Coaster

As I sit writing this, Willow Grace is deep in a Benadryl induced sleep; White Christmas is playing in the DVD player; and a sweet little Christmas tree my friend, Janet, brought me is twinkling merrily behind me. For me, Christmas runs from the day after Thanksgiving until January 5, and so, even though today is not Christmas Day or even Christmas Eve, we are spending Christmas, at least a part of it, here in the children's hospital. And that, in no way, diminishes my joy in the season. It's neither what I expected it to be nor what I wanted, and I'm not exactly happy to be in this position. But I still have my Christmas joy, my joy in the Lord, and no one and no circumstance can take that away from me.


(Our little tree and a tiny nativity: I thoroughly enjoyed decorating our room today! Thanks so much, Janet!)

I'm sorry that I didn't get around to updating everyone on our day yesterday. It's been eventful and exhausting, and I somehow just couldn't get myself in the "head space" to process, organize, and record my thoughts. It's been a roller coaster. Each day has brought victory: She finally peed yesterday morning and twice since! I've never in my life been so excited too see pee. Even her nurses were out in the hall doing a little dance and saying, "She peed! She peed! She peed!" Everyone is pulling for this little girl, and it's a good sign that she's doing this after less than a week on dialysis. Also, her platelets are up, and her red blood cells are holding steady. However, there have also been hardships: Her tummy has been hurting very badly leaving her writhing on her bed in pain; I can tell you that's really hard on a mommy's heart. Then, last night, we found out that after all the drama we initially had with the feeding tube, they actually put the wrong tube in! They finally removed the wrong tube this morning and are reassessing her situation to see if they need to put the other one in. Talk about an exercise in patience and walking in love! It's only by prayer and God's grace that I have held my tongue and responded peaceably.

We have been overwhelmed also with the outpouring of love for us the last couple days. Mrs. Brewer's third grade class sent little gifts and homemade cards for Willow Grace that warmed our hearts and brought tears to our eyes. Strangers have sent us gifts and food and cards. Friends have brought food and toys and prayed with us around Willow Grace's bed. We've been fed and hugged and encouraged. How can we help but to be filled with hope and faith? God is loving us through His people. Absolutely overwhelming and amazing. Thank you so all so much! Love and blessings to you all!

For those of you who have asked, here are some specifics you can pray for with us:
1. Chris is on weekend dispatch from tonight through Monday morning. Please pray for a LOW volume of calls so that he can get rest and also spend time with us.
2. Please pray that God will take away the pain in Willow Grace's tummy, that He will heal the colitis, rid her of the e. coli, and heal her of the HUS.
3. Chris's grandmother was taken back to the hospital today after finally being released on Monday. She's been in the hospital for most of the last four weeks, and it's been very difficult on the family dealing with two beloved ladies ailing in different hospitals.

"What We Have Here Is... Failure to Communicate"

Today I was reminded of those famous words above from Cool Hand Luke. (If you haven't seen the movie, you should. So amazing.)

Twice today I had people show up at the door to Willow Grace's room ready to perform different medical procedures of which we had not been informed. Needless to say, this was quite unsettling. First, while Willow Grace was taking a rather satisfying nap, a man opened the door to her room and entered pulling a large machine behind him announcing that he was ready to do a chest x-ray. A chest x-ray? Why? He didn't know; it was just his job to do the x-ray. About thirty minutes later, a nurse stepped inside and said, "OK, we're almost ready to put in her feeding tube. She's not going to like this at all, and she'll probably get pretty upset!" Really? This is how they choose to let me know about these things? I had to step into the bathroom and try to pull myself together after hitting one of those emotional breaking points. I sat down on the edge of the tub and cried and prayed.

I thought, "Here we go again... more opportunities to see if I can walk in love. I put these scriptures up all over the room for a reason." Today, I kept seeing Isaiah 26:3 which is posted on the door going into the bathroom, "You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You because he trusts in You." Each time I see that scripture, I choose once again to trust, and in return I immediately feel God's peace wash over me.

I couldn't handle staying in the room while they put the feeding tube in. I stepped outside feeling like I had abandoned my little girl in a time of need and had just completely failed as a mother in that moment. And even in that moment of despair, God brought two people into my life to show me how much He cares. First was the mother of two of my former students who is also a nurse. She was about to head into my room to assist with the procedure. She hugged me and lovingly explained everything to me. After she went inside I stepped a couple doors down into the nutrition room to get some ice water, and I met Victor the maintenance man. He told me about doing the same thing with his daughter, "They were about to put a big ol' needle in her back, and I thought, 'Now I gonna be a man about this,' but I just couldn't. I had to go out in the hall and wait. You OK. Your little girl is gonna be OK," he told me. He talked to me a bit more and made me smile and told me he'd be praying for me.


(Willow Grace after they put the feeding tube in)

Later, one of the doctors from the nephrology team came up to apologize about the breakdown in communication. She admitted that someone should have come and explained everything to me just after they made their decisions. She didn't make any excuses for their actions; she just apologized. And I found out that some of the information I was given earlier was faulty. It turns out that Willow Grace needed the chest xray to determine why she was having such a hard time breathing and to see if she had fluid on her lungs, and she needed the tube, which is not be used as a feeding tube, to help release some of the pressure on her tummy during dialysis. Apparently the dialysis is causing her intestines to press up on her lungs which is causing her to breathe really shallow. I told them I understood that all of this was needed to help her, but I would have appreciated a "little heads up" next time.

So, today, has been a difficult day - for those reasons and also because my sweet girl has been in a lot of pain. Any parents who may be reading this understand; I wish I could take that pain away so badly. And so I pray, kneeling next to her bed, as I pace around the room, and sometimes when I retreat to the bathroom to hide my tears from her searching eyes. It's a bit funny to me that the little hospital bathroom has become my "prayer closet," but I think it's as good a place as any.

101 Things and A Movie Review

Today begins my 1001 days for my 101 Things To Do in 1001 Days. You can find my list in the side bar or here. I’m really excited about this for two main reasons. 1. I’ve been feeling a lack of purpose and couldn’t figure out how to remedy this. 2. The structure of this plan gives me 2 ¾ years in order to accomplish these goals. Totally doable.

It almost feels like I’m embarking on an adventure. In many ways, I think I am.

Yesterday, Chris and I celebrated the anniversary of our first date by going to the movies. We took in an afternoon showing of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. What a phenonminal film! We went to see it because I’d heard a reviewer urge people to see it on the big screen due to the fact that the cinematography was brilliantly done. I must say that he was quite right. This is certainly a movie worthy of the price of the ticket. The film can also boast an engaging plot and superb acting. I’ve often felt that Brad Pitt’s personal life tends to overshadow his career, which is quite sad. Whatever one might say about whatever else is reported about him, I do believe him to be quite a gifted actor. And, of course, Kate Blanchett was as engaging as ever. In truth, I felt, on the whole, the entire film was beautifully acted. I sincerely hope that the Oscars did this film it’s just reward(s).

Happy Monday!

Choosing What is Right Over What is Easy

"Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve.... But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15

Over the last week or two, this theme keeps recurring in my life… in conversations, in the blogs I peruse, in my devotionals, and in the books I read. Of course you Harry Potter fans will recognize this as one of the big themes from the series. Harry is constantly faced with serious decisions where he must choose either the good or the easy. Just as Dumbledore tells Harry in chapter 18 of Chamber of Secrets, “It’s our choices, Harry, that show who we really are, far more than our abilities.” Over and over this truth is prominently displayed in the books. (There’s a whole chapter about this in Looking for God in Harry Potter by John Granger, a book highly recommend.)

One of my bloggy friends shared a story of when her husband stood for the right, lost his job, but was given an even better job less than 24 hours later. God rewarded his faithfulness. Another lady commented that the same thing had happened to her husband.

It’s amazing to me how often I’m encouraged to “just say that you’re ___________, ” and that blank is always filled with something that many would consider a “little white lie.” Where did that even come from? A lie is a lie. Lying to make a situation a bit easier for yourself is still lying; it’s still sin. Why do people encourage each other to do this all the time?

Here’s an example: I was planning on leaving work a little early the other day, but the two people I usually report to had already left early to attend a volleyball game which I was not planning on attending. When I told another lady that I was planning on leaving early, she said, “Just say that you went to the game.” I suppose it seemed harmless enough to her, but it would be a lie. Just a little bit of untruth, a little bit of sin, is the same thing as adding just a little bit of iocane powder* to your drink. You may not be able to see it, but it will definitely affect you!

It really is all about the choices we make.

*Fictional poison from The Princess Bride. The poison was colorless and odorless but deadly.

The Elusive Snooze

While I don't wish to sleep for 100 years like dear Aurora from Sleeping Beauty, I would like a few more hours. I am sleep deprived today.

I'm operating on somewhere between 2-3 hours of sleep. Willow Grace woke up around 11:30 and decided it was party time. She didn't go back down until around 4. Chris and I kept trying to trade off and find ways to get her to sleep, but nothing worked. Even when he had her and I was in bed, I could not sleep. We rocked her, paced around, gave her a bottle, changed her diaper, played lullabies, prayed, and put on one of her Praise Baby DVDs. These usually calm her and often help her to drift off, however, she was just wide-eyed and ready for fun. She actually stood in her bed for about 1 1/2-2 hours watching Praise Baby, which was on a continuous loop. Finally, she laid down to watch and ended up drifting off to sleep, but I was a bit revved up and could not drift off. When I did, I had bizarre dreams that kept waking me back up! Oh, well. Bring on the caffeine!

By the way, the special, deluxe edition of Walt Disney's Sleeping Beauty comes out tomorrow on DVD. I love Disney movies; this will definitely make my Christmas wish list this year.

Fireproof

Chris and I went to see Fireproof yesterday; we really wanted to support it on its opening weekend.

We were moved and have decided to get the book The Love Dare and use it as a tool to grow closer to each other and God. Check out the website and go see the movie. While the most of the acting performances aren't exactly Oscar worthy, the story and message of the movie are what are really important.

If you have seen it or do go see it, let me know what you think. The makers of this movie have made two other movies, Flywheel, which I plan to see, and Facing the Giants, which I highly recommend. You can get more info about all of these movies here.

Good Day to Live

Upon being asked how I was doing earlier I happily replied, “It’s a good day to be alive!” “Why,” you may ask. Well, this morning before I left my mom’s house, Willow Grace laid her sweet head on my shoulder and gave me a hug. What a great send off for work!

And just a few moments ago, I had the most delightful conversation with Jimmy Gentry. What an amazing story teller! I know that many (most) of you probably don’t know who he is, but he is certainly a person worth knowing. Today he is speaking to the eighth graders, and they are in for a treat. He was already in full story telling mode, and it was almost as if my soul breathed a sigh of joy as I listened to him. I first met him when I was in seventh grade as he taught my Tennessee History class. He had lived so much of the history he was teaching us, and it was absolutely fascinating to learn from him. After our lessons (and sometimes before or during), we would beg him to tell us stories about growing up on his farm in Franklin, Tennessee, and he would regale us with tales of hunting, fishing, and mischief with his brothers and friends. Sometimes he would tell us about some of his experiences during WWII, but it wasn't until years later that I learned that he was actually in the company of men who liberated the concentration camp of Dachau. In recent years he has written a book about his life, and a documentary was made as well—both of which I highly recommend. In addition to this, he just told me, much to my delight, that a feature film is being planned. These days he tells his story to all sorts of groups and also runs a farm complete with a summer camp and lots of autumn activities. We can't wait to take Willow Grace to see the pumpkins and all the farm animals this fall. Go here to read a bit more about his life or here to find out about the documentary. His story certainly helps to bring some perspective to our own lives.

Despite all the trials and frustrations that we experience along the way, it's important to remember that life is precious. That little hug I received this morning was a significant moment, and it served to remind me that it truly is a good day to be alive.

I Wish....

For the last two days I've been staring at a lighted sign on the wall to the left of my desk. Spelled out in white twinkle lights are the words "I Wish..." Tonight and Saturday the high school fine arts students will be performing the musical Into the Woods. Have you seen it? It's a hodge podge of different fairy tales (Little Red Riding Hood, Rapunzel, Cinderella, Jack & the Beanstalk, etc.) all coming together in crazy ways. All of the characters are wishing for different things which eventually come true but have unexpected consequences. It really makes you think about the old adage, "Be careful what you wish for."

What do I wish for? I have so, so many. Here's just a few:

Normal wishes:
-to grow closer to God & help others to do the same
-to have more time with my family
-to be healthy and fit
-to have more children

BIG wishes:
-to have enough money to take care of my whole family, not just Chris & Willow Grace but also our parents & siblings' families
-to own our own large farm on which we can run a camp

I could keep going. I have so many dreams. It makes me think of a quote from Clint Eastwood in The Bridges of Madison County. He said, "The old dreams were good dreams. They didn't work out, but I had them." Keep wishing. Keep dreaming. Some of them do come true.

What do you wish for?