Strange Days

I really have not been myself for the last couple of weeks, and my husband is very glad to have his wife back. But in this mini voyage from myself, I have made a couple of self discoveries. First, my personality is significantly altered when I gain weight. Secondly, my personality is significantly altered during times of great stress. In both of these cases, I tend to shift into some sort of self protective mode, and major fortresses are built in record time. I become withdrawn and tend to fixate on work. I am not very personable.

My brother left for Iraq yesterday. More than any time before when he’s been deployed, I have struggled with his departure. While it’s true that this has happened at a particularly stressful time in the year for me with the school year starting and Chris starting his own business, I still think that my brother’s situation has weighed heaviest on my heart. He is leaving behind his wife and four boys, and I have known the pain of not having a father at home. I was very young when my dad was gone, but it had a great effect on me. These are terrifying times we live in, and without my faith in God I don’t know how I would cope. I can assure you that the last couple weeks would have been far worse than they were.

Yesterday I had some time to rest and decompress. And then last night Chris and I went to see The Sound of Music at the school where I teach. During the intermission I smiled brightly at people and sought out friends and acquaintances for a bit of conversation. I have been laughing and just being goofy with Chris. I went shopping with my Mom today. (A little aside: I tried on some clothes at a store and didn’t realize until hours later when I returned home that I had put my shirt on inside out in the dressing room. Neither Mom or Chris noticed either!) Life is beginning to take on a bit of normalcy, and I am breathing regularly.

I still feel a piece of my heart holding tightly to the desperate yearning to change the circumstances and bring Wayne home. But this is our life for now. Hundreds and perhaps even thousands of people will be praying for my brother while he is gone. Mom is wearing a set of Wayne’s dog tags until he returns. It reminds her to pray for him and the others in his unit and, indeed, for all those men and women who are serving, and it also gives her a little piece of him to feel a little closer to. How well I understand that. I too have a set of his dog tags, and holding them between my fingers while I whisper a prayer for my brave, strong brother I can see his smile and feel his presence.

A year, depending on your perception, either passes by far too quickly or trudges on testing your strength and hope. He’ll be gone a year. May that year pass quickly, and may we all be strengthened by the hope we can find only in Christ.

Zombie

For most of the weekend I’ve felt like I was wandering around in a fog. On Friday I stumbled through my last day of in-service with a migraine, and then Chris and I went up to Fort Knox to spend the weekend with my brother Wayne and his family before he deploys to Iraq. I had to climb into the back seat half way there in order to sleep, and by the time we got there I was rather disoriented. My Mom had been staying with my brother’s family all week, and my sister and her husband would join us the next day. With the realization of my brother’s impending departure and the arrival of my new students on Monday, my brain hit hyper-drive, and I was not able to go to sleep until around 3 AM, and so on Saturday I somewhat lethargic. That night we all traveled an hour further north to my nephew Brent’s football game. It was supposed to start at 8:30 which is already a late start for a high school football game. However, another game was already in motion and was running late. Then after we all endured a rain shower which quite sufficiently soaked us, Brent’s game finally started around 10 PM! While it was a good game, sadly Brent’s team lost, and he didn’t even get to play. We didn’t get back to Wayne’s house until after 2 AM, and once again I didn’t get to sleep until around 3!

Chris and I came back to Nashville today, dropped of our luggage, and went to work in my classroom for a couple hours. When I left, I felt like I was as prepared as I could be for tomorrow, but that doesn’t stop me from being very nervous. I’m really excited to be back on the job, but beginnings are often scary. The days and months ahead feel like an epic saga waiting to be written, and I’m just one of dozens of authors jockeying for position to fill up those pages. However, tonight I plan to get in my pj’s early and hop into bed and read until I can’t keep my eyes open. I really hope that my nervous energy and overactive brain don’t keep me awake tonight. I need sleep.

Ending at the Beginning

I am sorry that I haven't posted in so long. I haven't even had a minute to be on the computer. Life has been REALLY crazy this week. Tons of stress. Among other things, I've had inservice all week; I've been trying to get my classroom together (actually accidentally stapled my thumb to one of my bulletin boards!), and we found out that my brother Wayne is being sent to Iraq about a month earlier than expected. He's leaving this week. I am actually in Fort Knox right now visiting with him and his family. Chris and I rushed here after work yesterday, and we're going to hang out here for the weekend. I'm so grateful that I have the time to see my brother before he leaves. Tonight we're going to my oldest nephew Brent's football game; my sister and her husband are supposed to come up as well, and I think Dad may be able to make it as well. Mom was already here; she spend this last week up here.

On Sunday Chris and I will go home, finish my classroom, and then go and pick up Bella from Chris's parents' house. And Sunday night I will try to get some sleep, but I usually don't get much the night before the first day of classes. That's not good because lately I don't seem to be able to sleep much at all. Sleep deprivation: that's a good thing to add to the mix. I just have too much on my mind. I think it's time to take that last Lunesta that I've been holding on to.

I don't really have much more to add at this point, but I do promise to try to post more this week. I'm sure I will have plenty to say after the first day of classes. I really am excited about seeing my new students on Monday.

Finding Peace

The world does not feel like it’s getting smaller to me. Sometimes people say that it is because of email and connections to people through other people and the ability to get almost anything you want at any time of the day. But then I watch TV or read the paper, and I start to feel very small in a dark, scary place. On the news: high alert because of terrorists, people dying because of the heat, a vast majority of people naively denying that there’s any reason for our military to fight babies drowning in swimming pools, and so on. And in my own life I have seen so much sickness and death and hardship. The world overwhelms me. So, I find that I have to pull in and focus on the immediate things in life: call my mom, wash the dishes, kiss my husband, walk my dog, play on the computer…. In order to maintain sanity, there has to be some sense of normalcy for me. Oh, and I just remembered, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33) And I sigh. Sometimes I forget God’s promises. I think that I’ve mentioned this before. I’ve been meaning to find a way to remember them better. I wish that I could think of a way to do a border around the top of the walls in my apartment that would not be difficult to remove. I’ll keep brainstorming.

I only have two and a half days of freedom left. On Sunday night I have my first faculty meeting, and then the school year will be in full swing for me. I love my job, but I am trying to drain every bit of vacation from this week that I can.

Today I went to Portland, TN with my parents to have lunch with my sister at Five Chefs. I enthusiastically recommend this charming restaurant. But good luck with finding it. They don’t advertise, and the sign in the front is tiny and inconspicuous. It’s all by word of mouth, and it seems to be doing quite well. They only serve breakfast and lunch, and there is also a lovely attached store called Occasions which holds an array of knick knacks, décor, furniture, and accessories. Delicious food, fun shopping, quaint atmosphere. I loved it. And of course I know that my companions lent quite a bit to the experience.

After Eva went back to work, we paid her a short visit at the bank, and then we made our way back to Nashville on Highway 31. I love traveling the old highways instead of the interstate. It’s a most relaxed ride, and there’s always so much more to see and talk about. Chris and I used to spend a fair amount of time driving old highways, back country roads, and down the Natchez Trace. It’s one of the factors of us falling in love. I hope that we’ll be able to take many road trips together in the future.

Just Another Day in the Life

For the last couple days I don’t feel like my life has had much substance to it. I haven’t been reading much or writing or painting or doing anything creative or productive. This is my vacation week, so I haven’t wanted to do very much. Also, I’ve had horrible headache on and off for the past week, and today is the first day that I’ve actually felt like myself. So I don’t really feel like I have anything interesting to write about here, but I hate to go too long without a post.

I had to buy a new cell phone yesterday because the one I had was dropping calls or not getting service or having other random problems. I didn’t want anything special, but we got a really good deal. Since we left the store yesterday I have not stopped playing with it. I know can take photos and video, and I got one of those Bluetooth wireless headsets; it was just a basic phone, but apparently they all come with bells and whistles these days. Yea, a new toy!

We took Bella to the vet today. What an experience! Whenever she gets around other people she becomes a nearly uncontrollable, crazy beast and nearly knocks people over because she’s so massive and strong. Plus she sheds a lot, so while we’re trying to hold her down for all the poking and prodding, hair is flying all over the place covering the doctor, technicians, Chris, me, and the floor. It’s like a tornado of Bella hair! Overall she’s very healthy, but at 97 pounds, she’s about 7 pounds overweight. We think that this is mostly because we didn’t really walk her very much during the winter. I guess we just chickened out due to the frigid temperatures. However, we’ve been walking a couple miles with her in the morning this summer, and we will buck up, bundle up, and take her out this winter. So, as a family, we will all be getting in better shape together. She’s actually smaller than she was at the beginning of the summer, so that’s at least some progress. I think the shots subdued her; she's been sacked out on the kitchen floor since we came home. We’re really crazy about that dog.

Ok, I guess that’s it for today. Maybe something strange and wonderful will happen later that I can tell you about.

365 days plus 2

Yep, folks. We made it. It's actually been a year. It's hard to believe. The wedding and all that bright-eyed wonder doesn't seem like it was that long ago. But what a year it's been! Can a year be considered a milestone? After what we've endured it feels like we've really accomplished something great. We arrive tired and a bit battle scarred and yet still happy together and hopelessly in love. And we decided that a celebration was in order. We honeymooned in Gatlinburg, so what could be more appropriate than to return there to mark another special occasion?

A year does make a difference but not as much as one might think. On our honeymoon, we were practically drifting through the streets with dreamy grins on our faces, and we barely noticed the weather at all. This year it was either hot and muggy or storming like God was out to prove a point. Last year everything tasted like delectable food had been brought down from heaven on silver platters by angels themselves; this year I had to send back truly inedible food, and Chris got a little sick from the food. However, there was one significant similarity about our trip. We truly enjoyed one another's company and were happy just to be together. All in all, it was a very good trip, but if you’ve been to Gatlinburg, I can’t really add much to your understanding by describing the weekend.

Instead, I’ll include a couple pictures.

The happy couple:


A view of Gatlinburg:

Caffeine Crisis

I failed miserably. I was not able to relax last night. I ended up straightening up the kitchen, dining room, and living room; washing and folding four loads of laundry; and ironing 15 shirts, two pairs of pants, and a skirt. I sat down for just long enough to eat my dinner, a salad with grilled chicken, before I was up and going again.

But there is a reason for my manic behavior.

I had bought some diet pills at the beginning of the week to help give a little boost to my weight loss. Bad choice. You can take up to six pills a day, two before each meal. I was taking five a day. Last night I discovered that the pills have a ton of caffeine in them. I don’t generally have caffeine and certainly not at night. I may have a Coke on the weekend, but I have to be really careful with caffeine. It really affects me, and I was ingesting the equivalent of five cups a coffee. I knew that I wasn’t feeling quite right this week, but it really all came to a head last night.

Let me lay it out for you….

Around 10:30 last night I crashed… for about five minutes. Then I flipped out! I mean I really flipped out. My pulse was pounding in my ear, and I became very paranoid and emotional. Poor Chris! He was trying to calm me down and help me figure out what was going on. I was completely restless and was not thinking rationally. I was really worried that I was really sick…physically and emotionally. Chris prayed for me and read to me a little from the Bible. Then I remembered that the label of the diet pills mentioned caffeine, so I huffed it to the kitchen to check it out. Problem solved. As soon as I figured out what had happened I started to calm down. I wasn’t losing it; I was just hyped up with too much caffeine. I am sure that you will be glad to know that the pills went straight into the trash. I climbed back into bed, put in a Friends DVD, and grabbed my coloring books and colored pencils. Soothing activities. I wasn’t able to fully calm down enough for sleep until after one. What a night!

Thankfully I have a pleasant weekend ahead of me. First I will take advantage of the tax free weekend in Tennessee tomorrow, and then Chris and I are heading out for Gatlinburg. I’m aiming for a leisurely weekend just wandering around the strip, going to the aquarium, eating good food, and really resting. After this strange episode I’ve had and him taking over his company this week, Chris and I really need a non-stressful weekend.

Busy Relaxing

Yesterday I started the day by walking two miles at 5 AM with Chris, and then I did a little laundry. After a very busy day at work, I came home, walked Bella, went swimming by myself, worked out to the Firm, made and ate dinner, cleaned up the kitchen, went swimming with Chris, and finished out the evening writing and reading. Of course this morning I walked the two miles with Chris again, did some more laundry before work, emptied the dish washer, and then had another busy day at work. Bella has been walked and is resting on the floor behind me. Right now I’m simply drained, and I’m sore from yesterday’s Firm workout. I haven’t done that particular workout in a few months, but I plan to add it to my schedule every other day. I thought about doing Tae Bo or walking on the treadmill this afternoon, but I think I’ll just relax… and do a little laundry.

I have a hard time being idle.

Chris is always trying to get me to relax, and for the first six months or so of our marriage I did start to relax. Now, however, I find that I can hardly sit still. When I watch TV or a movie, I feel like I need to be doing something productive. (I really need to learn to knit.) I used to really enjoy watching movies at home, but lately I feel so restless, like I’m wasting time, especially if it’s a movie I’ve already seen. Tonight I’m going to try to relax a little. Even as I write this I feel something within me start to rebel against that thought. I know there is so much to do. I have visions of the dining room table and the living room with an assortment of items strewn about waiting to be put in their proper places, the pile of ironing that awaits me at the foot of the bed, the load of clothes on the bed and another in the dryer that need to folded, the loads of clothes yet to be washed, the items behind me in the office that need to be organized, the sink that needs to be scoured, and the range of other chores. I know that none of these activities are really pressing concerns, and I know that I could just attend to these things tomorrow. However, I start to think about what other chores will inevitable present themselves when tomorrow comes.

I worry about people thinking that I’m lazy. After reading what I’ve written above, I know that some of you think that I’m crazy. I do keep busy, but what if it’s just not enough? What if I miss something really important and let someone down in a significant way? A few years ago this concern got me into trouble. Among other things I taught 7th grade English and theater, directed three plays a year, orchestrated the Renaissance Festival, and led a discipleship group for high school girls. Often my work day was 12 to 14 hours long, and I would only have a break, spent planning my classes and grading, every other day. I was exhausted. I think I said “yes” a little too often that year. While I no longer direct plays or lead a d-group, I need to be really careful not to overextend myself again, even if it’s only in my personal life.

So, tonight’s goal: rest and watch an entire movie without working on anything else. (Chris will be shocked if I am actually able to do this!)

Three Days to Go

My summer job comes to an end on Thursday. After that I will have a little vacation time before I get back into full swing for the school year. First I will have to endure a week of meetings (ugh!). On August 21, I will welcome a new batch of bright-eyed, nervous seventh graders into my classroom, and a new adventure will begin. Have a mentioned that I love being a teacher?

After a year of trial, romance, heartache, joy, and so much more; Chris and I will celebrate our first anniversary this next weekend. Can you believe that it’s really been a year? We’ll be taking a trip to Gatlinburg next weekend where we had our honeymoon. Returning to the scene of the crime! Last Saturday night, we shared a romantic dinner at Stoney River as a sort of pre-celebration for our anniversary. We were even rewarded with a free desert, an absolutely delicious cappuccino crème brulle, after I mentioned to the waitress that we were celebrating. Chris and I are shamelessly in love and sometimes irritatingly so, but I would rather that be the case than to be the opposite. I suppose we can get some sort of reprieve from judgment being that we are still newlyweds. Still if I use my parents as a model, I can hope to be in love like this for decades to come!

Here's us a little over a year ago:

Aren't we cute?

On Sunday afternoon, we went to visit Paw Paw, my dad’s father, who is now home from the hospital. I wrote about him and his health struggles in an earlier post. While he was in the hospital, he actually died and was gone for eight minutes before coming back. Of course you know that is highly unusual. They actually call him Miracle Man at the hospital, and I wonder what purpose God still has for him to fulfill. Anyway, we thoroughly enjoyed our time with him. A few times he became overly excited in talking to us, and we had to get him to calm down and catch his breath. I think he was so excited to see us and really just to have company. Both Chris and I took hold of his hands and prayed with him before we left; I can’t adequately describe for you the sweetness of those moments. I hope that I will have a chance to go see him again soon and take him a pot of homemade soup.

Babies on the Brain

Yeah, so I have baby fever. But is it any wonder? I’ve been married for nearly a year, and I’m (gasp) 32. And there have been so many conversations about babies lately; I can’t seem to escape it (not that I really want to). Anyway, it comes down to this: God has a plan, and I trust His plan. Chris and I aren’t really in the position to have children at this time. We don’t have any place to put a baby in our cozy little apartment, and our financial situation certainly cannot support another person. There are a lot of details I would like to work on before a baby comes along. Still I know that you can’t wait until all the factors are right; they never will be. Thus I return to my faith in God’s plan. If He gives us a child; He will also give us a way to take care of that child.

People have told me that I would be a good mother. Two people made that comment just today. I really hope so. Chris is convinced that our first child will be a girl. I hope that he’s right, but I hope that she’s part of a set of twins. We have twins on both sides of our family, so it’s a distinct possibility that we could be blessed with our own set. Again, that’s where God comes in.

Right now our only baby is Bella, our pony-sized dog. Really, she’s rather large. Our nephew Jack actually took a little ride on her a few weeks ago! She’s very rambunctious when other people are around, but she’s the perfect companion when Chris and I are here alone. Right now she’s on the floor behind my chair keeping me company. She likes to be near us, and that’s fine with me.

Here's an old picture of Chris holding our baby Bella!(This was taken before Chris and I were married, and Bella was a bit smaller then.)

Therapy Train

“Therapy is expensive; popping bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.”
(Unknown)

I love quotes. I thought the above one was not only amusing but also ridiculously true. Really, how many of you have actually felt some sort of strange release by popping bubble wrap. There is something cathartic about it. I am not in any way diminishing the merit of professional therapy when it is truly needed. However, I think that there are many cases where we should be able to help one another. That’s what truly living in community is about, but most of us don’t make the time or don’t take the time to really help others. And we don’t take the time to help ourselves. We let the every day stresses of life get to be too much.

This morning I woke up about an hour before the alarm went off. There were so many thoughts swirling around in my head, any number of them threatening to take away any peace that the previous night’s sleep had brought. I thought about waking Chris up to talk to him about it, and I thought about praying. But mostly what I did was lie awake and worry. How foolish! At 5:30 Chris and I were on our morning walk when I told him about this, and he gently reprimanded me for not waking him just as I reprimanded him the other night when he awoke with a horrendous migraine and neglected to wake me so that I could take care of him. Either of us would gladly forgo any amount of sleep in order to help the other.

So I started thinking of other things that are therapeutic without the hefty price tag. I’m not talking about things to do in order to escape from life; I mean things that really are progressive and helpful. Of course talking to a loved one, a friend, is at the top of that list. Exercising, painting, writing, and praying: these are all good. Are there other ones? I guess the point I like best in the quote above is that it’s your choice. We don’t have to stay in despair or even in a bad mood.

The story below has nothing to do with therapy; it’s just something that has been on my mind for the last couple days. I didn’t want to wait to write about it later. So, here it is….

When I was in college I used to sit on my friend Margaret’s back porch and listen to trains in the distance and wonder who might me on them. I guess we don’t really have many passenger trains, but people do still “jump” trains. Several of my friends told me during college that they had snuck on trains and ridden for hours or days just to see where it would take them. I can sit on my own balcony now and listen to the trains that travel by on the tracks that are quite close by. There’s something exciting and romantic while also remaining dark and mysterious about trains to me. It appeals to my imagination, and I can go far in that. One night while Chris and I were still just dating we had gone on a particularly long walk and chose to cross some trains tracks on the way home. We ended up walking on the tracks for a while until we heard a train coming behind us quite a ways off. While it was far away, it was not far enough for us to make it to the next road, and there was really nowhere to go to get away from the tracks. On either side of the tracks were deep ditches. We stepped off to one side and sat on the gravelly slope while the train raced by just a few feet behind us. It was an exhilarating and terrifying experience. Opposing thoughts and feelings combated in my mind: pictures of overturned trains that I had seen, the four boys in Stand By Me trying to outrun the train on the bridge, the image of the something being slung from between the wheels and the tracks and gashing me in the head or worse like in Final Destination, the song “Nothing Like a Train” by my favorite band Vigilantes of Love, the thrill of wind on my back, the roar of the wheels against the track, the steady pressure of Chris’s hand against my own, the question of what made me decide to walk down the tracks in the first place, and the hope that soon I would be happily strolling back to my home. I made it, and now I love trains even more.

Here comes another train now....

At least the ending is happy….

I hate feeling trapped. My personal brand of claustrophobia doesn’t have to do with elevators or small closets but with situations where I don’t feel like I can make a quick getaway. When I arrive at a new place, my brain involuntarily maps a way out for me in case I need to take it. This also works in social situations or when I feel like I don’t have a choice in a matter. I think that may have a lot to do with my wanting so desperately to switch the office and the bedroom. I am not saying that we won’t be doing that this weekend; it could still happen. What I’m trying to say is that I feel so much better about being in my current bedroom because I have a choice in it. I guess before I just felt like that’s the way things had to be. It was logical. Of course you take the master bedroom and leave the small one for the office. Eh, I know I’m rambling. But hopefully you see my point.

I like choices.

I guess I will just have to let you know what happens with the mini-move.

Right now I don’t feel like I have a lot of choices in wardrobe. I’ve gained weight, and once again I have those feelings of being trapped. And I feel so embarrassed. I know that’s because we live in a society where looks are ultra important, and people who are overweight are viewed as lazy. I always worry that people are going to see me as lazy, and so I work really hard not to be viewed that way. Wow, how’s all this for being transparent? Anyway, for the weight gain, I know that part of that is because of being so sick this last year, and we couldn’t figure out why it was happening nor was it ever really solved. However, I’m doing much better health-wise and am now combating the extra pounds, but I don’t feel like I’m doing such a great job. And I see pictures of myself before, like when Chris and started dating. (There’s a pair of jeans I wore then that I am anxious to get back into.) I felt so great about myself then, and I want to feel that way again. So, I’m working out, drinking a lot of water, and trying to eat sensibly. I guess it’s just not happening quickly enough for me. And I need some encouragement.

I really feel like I need to end this post on a positive note…. This has been a long pause, only a few dots for you, but for me….Oh, I know. My dad came by my work today quite unexpectantly. He was smiling and looked so handsome. He asked me what I had brought for lunch. I told him I had a Healthy Choice meal in the freezer, and he asked me if that’s what I really wanted for lunch because he was going to run out to do a couple errands and come back. So, I ordered the California chicken salad from O’Charley’s, and he brought is back for me. So sweet of him! And this is my favorite salad; really, it’s delicious. You should try it. How’s that for positive?

Switch

I have lived in the same apartment building for six years. For the first five I lived with my wonderful, crazy, beautiful roommate Christina. (For those of you who know her, you know just what I mean. Spending time with her is always a delight.) When I got married in 2005, I moved across the hall to be with my husband. Yes, I married the boy next door! We are contemplating doing a little moving this weekend, just within our current apartment. I have tried in the last year to be comfortable, to get used to, our bedroom. Yet I still feel ill at ease there. So, we’ve decided to take the smaller bedroom for our own and use the larger bedroom as the office/storage/gym/Bella’s room. I know that might seem crazy to some, but I think that I will end up being happier that way. Interestingly enough Chris and both sets of our parents see this as a good and advisable idea; I didn’t see that coming. However, with Chris starting his own business, he will need more office space in the apartment, so there’s really more than one reason to switch rooms. I truly wish and fervently pray that soon we will be able to move out of this apartment altogether, but I also realize how many blessings have come to me from living there.

Those blessings are:
•I met Christina who has become one of my best friends and was able to stand up with me at my wedding.
•I met Chris. We never would have met otherwise, and he has been one of the most profound, beautiful, and unexpected gifts I’ve ever received.
•I would have died. Strange statement I know. But I wanted to stay in the apartments I was in before I moved to the ones I’m in now. I tried to stay. God wasn’t allowing it. A few months after I moved, a raging fire burned my old apartment building burned to the ground in the middle of the night, a night that I happened to take a sleeping pill, a night that my old roommate would have been out of town. I would not have wakened; I would have died. There are blessings in disguise.
•I really like the pool. It’s rarely busy; there are usually only a couple other people there. Often we even get to have it to ourselves.
•It’s only eight minutes away from my work.
•We live in a great neighborhood for walking, either in the neighborhood or in the park across the street from us.

We are looking forward to other blessings, specifically the blessing of a house. I have a picture of a cottage on our bulletin board. It’s the perfect little house for us, enough space to entertain in and grow into should God bless us with children and a big front porch to put rocking chairs on for cool spring and fall evenings. Apartments have always felt to me like transitional places or like a small cage for a bird that must keep her wings tucked. She can flutter from perch to perch, but there is no real freedom. So, I pray daily for a new home for my little family. Another dream of mine….

Magical Moments

In the movie Phenomenon, George, played by John Travolta, wins the heart of a woman because he takes interest in her and her work. She makes chairs, and, without her knowledge, he buys them all when no one else will. Moments like that take me in and call me up to something romantic and magical… and then I remember that real life is rarely like that.

Today, I was feeling a bit low. I can’t really explain here what all was going on in my head, but it just wasn’t positive. Then I came home from work and spent a couple hours doing laundry, iron, and mopping the kitchen floor. Just as I was finishing my first run over the floor with the mop, I heard Chris coming in the door behind me. I managed to sigh a greeting and continued to work on the tiles. He just stood by the door. Finally, I leaned the mop against the wall and turned around.

He was holding a bouquet of roses. Beautiful yellow roses tipped in red with a bunch of babies breathe all around. “I thought you could use some flowers,” he said. I took the flowers from him, wrapped my arms around him, and remembered that romance really does exist.

These are much prettier than the picture, but I thought you might like to get an idea of what they look like.

The making of an artist….

I’ve always fancied myself to be an artist, or at least to have the heart of an artist. I’ve been a writer since I can remember. I’ve always hammed it up around the house and tried to be involved in theater through school and church. I live in a world of wild imagination, most of which gets no farther than my own mind. After taking a folk art painting class last fall, I am now excited about painting. A few weeks ago I posted a picture of a blank canvas; very soon I hope to post a picture of the finished product. Today I spent quite a bit of time sketching out ideas for future paintings.

I am by no means saying that I would ever be recognized by anyone else besides myself as an artist. If art is not appreciated by anyone else but the creator, then it is worthwhile. I enjoy exploring my imagination. I enjoy throwing color on a canvas and or words on a page and watching as what seems like chaos transform into something cohesive, something with a pleasant flow.

Do you want to know one of my wildest dreams? I want an old building to turn into a theater and coffeehouse. It would be full of original art and antique furniture with exquisite details. I would direct and/or produce plays, and bands would come to share their music. It would be a place where art would flourish, where life would thrive. It would be a place of beauty, where life could be explored and appreciated and shared.

In one of my many stories I’ve described this place, and it may continue to only exist there. I need to finish that story. It may be the only place that I’m able to really share that dream with others. And even if I never get to truly realize the dream of owning a place like I’ve described above, I will continue to dream about it. It’s so important to dream, even if those dreams only exist in one’s mind. I remember Steven Spielburg quoting someone else when he said, “The old dreams were good dreams. They did not come true, but the important thing is that I had them.”

One who never dreams never really lives. I plan to live.

Theme Park Nostalgia

On Saturday we returned the boys to their parents in Kentucky and stayed to go to Six Flags and an arena football game with them. Neither Chris nor I ride many rides, but we were happy to be hanging out with my brother and his family. I was explaining to my nephew Brent about how adults often have just as much fun watching kids have fun as the kids have in having the fun. I know that’s a strange concept for kids; I didn’t get it either when I was his age. Anyway, I think that we all had a good time at Six Flags. I haven’t been to a theme park in more years than I care to recall. I was very happy to see that they had really tall fans with misty water to help to cool everyone off. When did they start doing that? Great idea. The really annoying thing is that I had a headache all day yesterday, and instead of easing up, it just became continually worse until all I could do was collapse into bed. I tried very hard to refrain from letting my discomfort affect anyone else yesterday, and I think it worked out alright. And I did still manage to ride a few rides and have fun with everyone.

My brother, sister-in-law, and I all worked at Opryland in Nashville when we were teenagers. I actually still have my name tag. It’s extremely sad that it doesn’t still exist, especially since that’s where they met. Now a very large, somewhat pretentious mall stands in the spot, and Wayne and Laura can’t take their kids to the park and show them where they met and began to fall in love. I was thinking that some day that will happen to the apartments where Chris and I live. They are fine now, but they don’t really seem to be structures that will stand the test of time. Those units are individually owned, and someday a bunch of people will lose a lot of money when those buildings have to go. Chris and I rent, so we won’t really be out of anything except for years of rent payments that could have gone to pay on a mortgage. But our time to own a house has yet to come….

Anyway, back to Opryland. I loved working there. It was only for one summer, and my job consisted mostly of scooping ice cream in the Mayfield ice cream parlor. However, the best part was the fact that I could stay in the park when I finished my shift and play with my work friends. We would wander around flirting with boys, snagging free food from our friends, and hopping on the rides with wild abandon. Oh, to be young(er) and to be able to ride a roller coaster over and over with no side effects. It’s strange how those memories are so vivid even now. A little of the Grizzly Rampage still stands; I don’t know why they didn’t take it down. As for the rest of the park, I can only visit there in my dreams.

Boy Time!

We’ve had my three oldest nephews with us for the past few days, and before that I was too busy with all of the Fourth of July festivities to post anything. So, here I am today. There’s too much going on in my head to narrow in on one topic and write anything of consequence. Since Wednesday morning, I’ve taken the boys swimming four times, fixed enough food to feed an army, let them play about a dozen hours of video games, taken them to play Glow Golf, gone grocery shopping, and watched several movies. Yesterday Chris did not get home from work until around 8, and he was terribly missed. However, he’s taking the entire day off today. The boys love having him around; there’s a lot that can be said for the value of the male bonding that goes on between them.

Today promises to be eventful. I started the day by making Mickey Mouse waffles and turkey bacon for everyone. Now the boys are in the process of getting cleaned up so that we can go to the Frist Museum today. They have an Egyptian exhibit with mummies, perfect for boys. After that we’re going to have lunch at Jason’s Deli where they have ridiculously large loaded baked potatoes and free ice cream, also perfect for boys. The afternoon/evening will consist of swimming, a trip to the dog park, building a fire in one of the fire places of a pavilion in the park in order to make s’mores, and video game playing. Somewhere in there Chris has to take Bella to his parents’ house and switch vehicles. On Saturday we will return the boys to their parents, go to Six Flags, see an arena football game, and return home on Sunday.

As you can see, we have been and will continue to be busy. I need caffeine!

Exploring the Beauty

I’ve been thinking about heaven quite a bit lately. Not only has it often come up in my reading, but also, my grandfather, Paw Paw, had surgery last Monday, June 28, and has yet to awaken. In all honesty, my prayer is that he doesn’t wake up. I would much rather that he continues on the journey to heaven. I suppose that might seem odd, but I know that he has experienced far too much pain in the last couple years, and I know that the pleasure of heaven will far outweigh his suffering on earth.

Of course, that begins to bring to mind the mystery of exactly what heaven is like. Most people get the picture of an eternal church service, everyone wearing white and halos, angels playing harps and singing with achingly beautiful operatic voices. That’s interesting… for about ten minutes… if that. Where’s the vibrant color and creativity? What about all of those people who don’t like opera? What about those of us that really prefer not to wear white? I’m impressed that the streets are gold. That’s cool, but I don’t really get excited about gold. Is that really all that heaven is? No. Emphatically NO!

Everything that is lovely and fun and pure and spectacular about earth will be there. God is creative. He’s the one who came up with the Garden of Eden, hundreds of varieties of dogs, the Rockies, the process of metamorphosis for the butterfly, the seasons, sex, Niagra Falls, the Grand Canyon, snowflakes, deliciously juicy fruits, and so many other wonderful things. We are made in His image, and because of Him people like Van Gogh, Monet, Mozart, Renoir, Shakespeare, and many other artists were able to share glimpses of beauty with us.

God’s creativity is limitless. So why do we have such a bland idea of heaven?

I hope that while I am here on earth I will be able to explore more, to find a small hint of heaven on earth. I long to explore the Grand Canyon, to camp out there and to feel the wildness of the place. I want to visit some exotic island, one without the deep scar of tourism. I want to drink in the beauty of strange flowers I’ve never even imagined and watch the horizon as the sun sinks into glorious shades of crimson, burnt orange, and fiery yellow. I want to find a waterfall hidden deep within the woods and listen as it sings a song to the trees and rocks witch surround it -- and perhaps even discover that it has a message for me as well. I want adventure.

This life doesn’t afford most of us with very much adventure. Maybe I won’t be able to do all the things that I dream of. I know that I won’t be able to; I have pretty big dreams and an even bigger imagination. However, I know that if I don’t get to do all those things in this life, heaven will afford me with even bigger adventures and even grander dreams come true.

Will I grieve when Paw Paw passes? You better believe it. He will leave a void in the lives of those he leaves behind, but I will not be sad for him. His real adventure will have just begun!

Down like rain….

Blessings. They can be so unexpected. Tonight, Chris and I went with my parents to eat at Green Hills Grille. Someone had given Chris some gift certificates, and we felt like tonight would be a good night to use them. We had just prayed over our food when a man walked up to our table and said, “Does anyone over here know Jesus?” We all just stared at him, and then I realized that it was a guy that I had graduated high school with. His name is Craig.

A little background: Craig and I went to school together from 7th to 12th grade. Although we had our moments, most of the time he was not very nice to me. He often made fun of me for my Christian beliefs or for my looks or whatever he could find to pick on. As he put it, he persecuted me, but I prayed for Craig.

But Craig ended up becoming a Christian, and God lit quite a fire inside him. Really, he glows. He has apologized to me, my family, and even to Chris for the way he treated me. And tonight, the waitress told us that Craig had picked up our check for dinner. Amazing.

We had a nice time after dinner chatting with him, his lovely wife, and his two adorable children. His son Joseph was born in Columbia. He’s a miracle boy. The doctor told Craig that he needed to just enjoy the time he had with Joseph because he would not make it, but Craig told them that Joseph would live and would some day be a preacher. He had prayed, and he felt God’s peace. Joseph is now a vibrant and healthy two year old. Hopefully Craig will contact Dad soon; we all hope to get together soon.

Sometimes blessings are so obvious like what happened with us tonight. But sometimes they are subtle, and we miss them. I had several blessings today: Chris and I complete three miles today on our walk, including the HILL. Chris brought me sweet tea from Sonic this morning. Today was a gorgeous day. I get to walk outside twice a day at work: once to put mail in the mailbox and once to retrieve mail. Today my little stroll was a small piece of heaven on earth. The sky was delicately strewn with soft clouds; the sun felt warm on my skin, and a brisk, refreshing breeze sufficiently cooled the earth. Later in the day two sweet little girls took a few moments to stop and talk to me. And though I soundly conked my head on a shelf at work today and ended up with a nice size bump, I did not get knocked out! (I really thought for a moment there that I was going to go down.) Oh, and I was able to take a long nap when I got home from work.

I actually keep a grateful journal where I write down three to five things each day that I am grateful for. It's such a great exercise and helps me to be more positive about my life.

I hope that I will be able to pass blessings on to other people tomorrow.

Dancing in the Butterfly Garden with China

I’ve been reading a lot of other people’s blogs lately, and it has been somewhat intimidating. So many of these are used to spout one’s philosophy on any number of topics or to showcase a person’s intelligence. And I look at my humble little reporting here. It’s just general observations: a chance to share my thoughts, feelings, and activities with others. I start to feel that I should be more eloquent or that I should write about more important issues, issues that would reach toward some lofty goal, issues which would spark passion and fire and debate in others. That’s exhausting. And it’s not who I am. So, oh well.

But that raises the obvious question. Who am I? Do people ever stop asking this question? It’s not simple to answer, and the answer is never complete. Who we are evolves with each new experience.

Today I was a distracted and somewhat bored receptionist. While school is not in session, summer camps are in full swing. We have one that runs six weeks with primarily African-American children from North Nashville. It’s a chance for them to stay fresh on their academic studies and to engage in extra curricular activities such as art, theater, swimming, etc. I work in what is fondly referred to as the Birdhouse. It’s painted to look like a little birdhouse with vines and working blue-gray shutters. To my right is a small rectangular window that allows me to view guests in the waiting area and also any small children who may mosey by. I’ve been attempting to read, but my mind keeps wandering to my financial difficulties. That is until some little angel faced African-American child presses his little face or hand against the tiny window of my cubicle and smiles both shyly and mischievously. The children parade by here on their way to lunch, PE, and various other activities. And they peek at me through the window. Most of them have been reserved and the model of self control while others frantically try to get my attention, waving and smiling and calling out to me. And for a moment my heart feels a little lighter, and all that clouded my mind disappears as I gaze into those chocolate brown eyes, and I release a smile of my own. Just as I begin to bring myself back to the task at hand another child stops by and uses my little window as his own personal stage; he takes an opportunity to do a little dance then grins wildly and dashes away.

Why can’t we be more like this? I want to dance more.

There were a couple other happenings of interest from today. Chris came to work and surprised me with a sweet iced tea from Sonic. I’m addicted to sweet iced tea from Sonic. It’s a problem. Really. I think about it too much. Great, now I want some now. As Chris left I walked him out to the car so that I could check the mail, which is one of my very important receptionist duties. There’s also the fact that just outside the entrance there is a lovely flower garden. I always walk a little slower on the way back in the building in order to appreciate the beauty a little longer. Today I saw two of the most gorgeous, large yellowtail butterflies lingering around the flowers. I had to take a few extra moments to gaze at them and attempt to get as close as possible in order to better examine the intricate design on their wings. I love butterflies.

I also was given an eight piece setting of fine china. It’s very delicate and sweet with silver and gray detailing and a rose pattern. When I told Chris about this, he said, “That’s great, Honey…. Wait, where are we going to put it?” You see, we already have seven sets of dishes! Only one is really nice and used for dinner with company. One is for every day use. Two others are sets that have been in his family for years, and the last three are for special occasions. I know it’s a lot. We have too much stuff.

What would you do?

Have you every thought about what you would do if you had permission to do anything? I was thinking about that today. What is it that I would do if there were no boundaries? What makes me come alive? You know, I had a really hard time with that. Certain answers jumped to my mind right away, but I began to wonder if those were just my staple answers. So, I went a little deeper. Here’s what I came up with:

I would try out for a play. I would open up my own playhouse or coffeehouse or bed and breakfast. I would write a book. I would plant a garden. I would drive to the Grand Canyon in a camper and take in the wonder, wildness, and beauty there. I would go to Roswell, New Mexico, even if all I found there was a cheesy gift shop with alien merchandise. I would adopt babies. I would find a way to get the 300 acres of land that Chris wants and build our house in the center of it. I would raise horses.

These are all things that I have pondered or that I have slightly touched, dancing around the fringes of my dreams. I’ve directed several plays, but I haven’t tried out for anything in since college. I’ve been writing, but I haven’t finished anything. I’ve traveled but always with someone else as the guide. Some of these things couldn’t have happened earlier; God had a different plan than the one I had in mind. But I wonder if I missed out on other things because of a lack of vision.

Does that mean that I am going to run out and start doing these things so that I can check them off of my list? No. I just want to have passion and a dream. It doesn’t really matter if these things come to pass. What matters is that I have a dream, that I have something that drives me, something that makes me feel truly alive. And I really want to help others find their passion and pursue their dreams, which is why I am a teacher.

Wild at Heart

Whenever I read a book by John Eldredge or Brennan Manning, my world gets rocked. I’m a little over halfway through Wild at Heart. This is my second reading.



If you are not familiar with the book, it’s written for men, a guide to the true heart of a man. It’s also great for women to read in order to better understand men. The first time I read it a few years ago, it revolutionized the way that I thought about men. I think it would be good for me to reread this book every few years. I especially think it’s a good refresher for me now that I’m married. Should I have the blessing of sons, I will definitely read it again. Here are the basics. Every man and every woman has three basic desires.
Man:
1. a battle to fight
2. an adventure to live
3. a beauty to rescue
Woman:
1. to be fought for, to be pursued
2. an adventure to share
3. a beauty to reveal

In the book a woman asks Eldredge, “ How do I get my husband to come alive?” He answers her, “Invite him to be dangerous.” In order to truly understand this bit of guidance, you need to read the book.

Taking this advice, I have decided that Chris and I need to pursue adventure. We’re going to start by going camping; the first trip will be in the next couple weeks. We hope to eventually go camping in the Grand Canyon. We’re also going to go white water rafting on the Ocoee. And I told Chris that, when we can afford it, I would love for him to get a motorcycle, a desire that he has long held. I am also on the lookout for other adventures.

I don’t want to live in a strictly “safe” world. Just as Lucy discovered in The Chronicles of Narnia, Aslan is not safe, but he is good. In just the same way, life doesn’t have to be safe to be good. I feel like, for the longest time, I’ve looked for safely alone. While that’s nice and certainly necessary in many cases, it should not be the ultimate goal. I’ve run from fear for so long, and now I’ve come to see that it’s time to tackle. It’s time to be wild.

I know that I cannot do justice to this book in my little feeble explanation or even in beginning to tell the ways that my thinking and my life in general are being altered. I hope that you will get the chance to read it.

Back on the journey….

Back in 2002 I started the book The Sacred Romance by John Eldredge and Brent Curtis; it’s all about knowing your own heart and about your relationship with God. I don’t know why, but I stopped just a couple chapters shy of finishing it and the accompanying workbook. In an attempt to find things to occupy my “down time” at work, I start on them again. It’s been an eye opening experience, and I’ve found that I have a journey to finish. I love books written by John Elderidge. I’ve read The Journey of Desire and Wild at Heart, and all three of the books have impacted me in profound ways. However, I feel that since so much time has elapsed since I read them the influence they have had on me has diminished considerably. So, I’m going to read them again. And for that same reason, I plan to reread The Chronicles of Narnia this summer as well.

I guess this is the summer for remembering and renewing for me. I’m also starting to make hemp jewelry again. I used to necklaces and bracelets all the time a few years ago. I thought I’d try to make one for each student in my homeroom for this next year. I thought that might be kind of a cool thing. Eh, we’ll see.

Oh, I finally had some pool time this week. I haven’t been able to get over there at all until now. Chris had to work a little late, so it was just me. Mmmmm, the feel of the warm sun on my skin. I took my CD player over there and my journal. It’s so nice most of the time because there are normally so few people there. At one point I had the place all to myself. After floating around on my little raft for a while, I hopped out, popped on my headphones, and started jotting down my random thought. For the past few years the Maroon 5 CD, Songs About Jane, has been my pool summer soundtrack. I saw them in concert a few years ago when they opened up for John Mayer, and I really enjoyed their performance so much more. John was too preachy; I just wanted him to sing. Just sing, John, sing! I think I actually yelled that at the concert. So annoying. I couldn’t even understand what his point was; he was just rambling. And now I’m rambling. Sorry.

I need some new music. I want something funky, upbeat, and positive. Any ideas?

Oh, what a beautiful morning!

Bright and early this morning, the alarm clock sounded its melodic summons. It was 5:15 AM. Normally this would not be a problem; I usually rise early. However, I’ve just come off a week of vacation: staying up later and getting up later. This is the day that Chris and I decided that we would start getting up early and going for walks together in the morning instead of trudging through the heat of the evening. Our current course is a little over two miles, but that should increase in the next couple weeks. We will soon be tackling THE HILL. I’ve mentioned this hill before; I’ve spent quite a deal of time on it myself, but Chris has yet to attempt it. Since I’ve been walking with him I haven’t done it for a while. It’s really not that big of a deal; a half a mile up, a mile round trip. However, it is pretty steep, and it was what got me into such great shape a few summers ago. I’m hoping that it does for me what it once did.

Today was my first day on my new job. I’ve mentioned that I am playing the role of a receptionist this summer at the school where I teach. I have been telling people for weeks that my hours were from 8 – 3. However, this morning, after being there for a few hours, I discovered that I do not have to be there until 9. I suppose that it’s good that I found out today instead of getting here an hour early for weeks and then finding out. For those of you who know me well, you know that this type of silly mistake is not at all an uncommon occurrence for me. I have to remember to take enough with me to keep me occupied during those lulls between phone calls. Today I spent a ridiculous amount of time playing on my college alumni site. Which reminds me…. I need to get up and move around as much as possible. After sitting for such long stretches I wasn’t sure if I would be able to move. I’m used to being in constant motion.

How are you at the crossword in the newspaper? I never tried to tackle it until I met Chris, and even then we’d work on it together. However, as there is not much for me to do in between answering the phone I thought I’d try doing them on my own this summer. I am great at the crosswords in People magazine, being the pop culture guru that I am, but the one in the newspaper kicks my butt. Perhaps that doesn’t speak well of me; I hope that I am not showing my ignorance too much. Ah, who cares? At least I keep trying.

Blank canvas

It’s just staring at me and has been for weeks. It sits there on my easel full of a world of possibilities and a very lovely blue green color but void of any real life. I want so much to paint something, but what that something is simply escapes me.


How sad is this? Ideas, anyone?

I wanted to post tonight, but this will be a rather short post. I’ve had a migraine for most of the day, and I finally broke down and took a half of a pain pill. It takes care of the pain, but it also takes care of me being awake or at least coherent. I need to go lie down.

First day of summer

I think that Memorial Day is a great first day of summer, and this has been a great day for me. Chris and I spontaneously decided to go see Over the Hedge this morning at 10. Apparently they show movies that early in the summer! The movie was wonderfully entertaining and funny; we both really enjoyed it. After that we headed back to the house to take care of a few things, and then it was off to Mom and Dad’s house for burgers with the family. We hung out there for a while until it was time for my brother and his family to go back home. At home, we watched The Chronicles of Narnia and then went for a brisk walk with Bella. We even decided to run part of it. When we returned from our walk, we decided to take advantage of the pool at our apartment complex. It was our first swim of the season, and we had the pool all to ourselves. We decided to do a bunch of pool exercises and then relax. We really got a great workout in today.

Oh, and I simply can’t believe this, but Chris asked me if I would like to start doing our walks in the morning! I love working out in the morning, and so next week we’re going to leave at 5:30 AM to walk together. I am so excited about this. The reason why we’re not going to start this week is because I actually have this week off, and I would like one week of not having to get up early. I get up early during the school year to work out; the really great thing is that in the fall Chris will be getting up with me to work out. Anyway, I will start my summer job next week, so this is like a vacation week for me, except for the meeting I have at school tomorrow.

Oh, I forgot to tell you a cute story about my five year old nephew Jack from my birthday. At Logan’s they took me to a more crowded area of the restaurant to properly embarrass me for my birthday. Other than my nephew Seth who also had a birthday coming up, the rest of my family was back at the table. After I received my “yahoo” I returned to the table. Jack asked me what they gave me, and I said that all I had gotten was the “yahoo.” Jack wrinkled up his little forehead and asked, “Can I see your yahoo? What color is it?”

Happy Birthday to Me!!

Yesterday was my birthday. Chris and I had grand plans to take a trip down the Natchez Trace and have a picnic, but that didn’t happen. It would have been so romantic. Oh, well; we’ll have to go later. Anyway, I did get to have lunch with my dad at the Cheesecake Factory. The lunch was good, but the Godiva chocolate cheesecake was divine! The waiters sang to me, of course, but the real treat was that “Happy Birthday Kay” was written in chocolate sauce around the plate. I thought that was a sweet touch. After lunch Dad and I decided to take a stroll around the mall. We discovered a pair of very pretty cubic zirconium earrings on the floor and just as I picked them up a man called out to me and asked if I had just dropped them. Apparently a girl had just been arrested for shoplifting and had dumped the merchandise just before they caught her with it. I was able to return the earrings to the store. No reward, just the satisfaction of bringing about justice.

Other than that exciting outing, I went to see Poseidon at the IMAX with Chris on Monday night at 10 P.M. We never stay out late, so it was really an event for us. We both really liked the movie; I was on the end of my seat for most of the movie. I actually celebrated my birthday at several restaurants this year. There was the dinner at Goten with my family, Sunday lunch at Logan’s where I received a “ya-hoo” for turning “21”, the lunch with Dad, and last night at J. Alexander’s with Chris’s family. I also received a lot of nice things for my birthday. Chris did a great job. He gave me a necklace and earring set, a new book, a subscription to Real Simple magazine, and three cards. Even though I enjoy the attention, I’m truly glad that my birthday is over. I really am having a hard time with the number this year; I guess I just need some time to adjust.

Finally!

I can’t believe that I’ve made it! The last day of classes is over, and I am so relieved. The students really pressed the boundaries, and let me tell you, I exercised a great amount of patience. The last day was Thursday, and I only had to work for four hours on Friday. Afterwards I went to treat myself with a manicure and pedicure and took my friend Charlene with me. I love being pampered and really don’t get the chance to do it very often, maybe twice a year, but this new place I went is considerably cheaper than other places I’ve been. Maybe I will be able to go a little more often, like four times a year.

How I long to be fit! While I was sick I gained weight, and the doctors could not explain why that was occurring. Going to doctors can be so frustrating. We really never received conclusive answers on why I was sick or why I’ve gotten better. So, now I’m trying to get in better shape. The current plan is Pilates in the morning, walking in the afternoon, lots of water, and the Three-Hour Diet. Hopefully, by the end of the summer, I’ll be looking and feeling a lot better.

Did my post a few days ago sound too dismal? I think it’s just because I’ve been so tired lately. Maybe in a week, when all my regular school duties are complete, I’ll be sounding more chipper. Lately I’ve been pushing myself all day and then crashing hard at night. I need balance.

Tonight my family went to Goten to celebrate my brother’s birthday and mine. Chris, my two nephews, and I had a difficult time getting there. There were police cars and roadblocks everywhere, and we could not figure out what was going on. Every turn we made led us to another roadblock which caused in my brain no shortage of fantastical explanations. I turns out that the vice president was/is apparently in town; that’s a much better reasons for the lockdown than what I had going through my mind. Anyway, we had a very nice time at the restaurant. But what is it about Asian food that fills you up to a painful state? I think it’s the combination of the rice and whatever beverage that’s being consumed. I love the show that they put on as they cook your food, but my youngest nephew was terrified of the oil fires on the grill, and we all tried to assure him that he would be fine. Such a face! That bottom lipped protruded, and his eyes were shut tight! For most of the rest of the meal he kept his hands on his ears; all of the banging utensils seemed to unsettle him as well. After dinner we all went to my parents’ house to open presents and sample the caramel pie that my sister-n-law Laura made. All of us, except Chris and Dad, helped ourselves to a slice, even though we had just eaten a huge meal and orange sherbert at the restaurant. Laura took one the pictures from my wedding, a sweet one of my dad kissing my cheek, and put it on a large tile and gave me a stand to set it up with. I know that I cannot adequately describe how lovely this gift was; you would just have to see it. But I absolutely love it, and I can’t wait to find the right place for it in my home. Oh, here’s the picture she used.



Now I think I’ll go make myself a cup of Sleepy Time tea and try to wind down for the evening.

Hello?

Dear readers, are you there? I keep writing but have been getting no comments. I know that Mom has not been able to read, being that my husband is trying to fix her computer, but what about the rest of you?

I am so tired this week. I think it has something to do with the end of the school year. The students are exhausting me. The end is in sight, and I have little moments of excitement as I count down the days. I have little else to report. I am too tired and need to clean up a few things around the house before I settle in for some blessed sleep.

My birthday is next week, and I am not excited about it. All the illusions of glory that I always have built up in my head never come to fruition on my birthday. It’s like getting all worked up over a new movie that’s supposed to be some incredible blockbuster, but it ends up being just OK. This year I’ve tried to set up a couple things, but they just aren’t working out. So, I don’t want to make a big deal of it. If I don’t have high expectations, I won’t be disappointed.

Mmmm… sleep. The sooner I get all my little chores done, the sooner I get to climb into bed and read until I drift away. That sounds so good.

Tra-la-la…BANG!

So, this morning started out well. Chris and I got up and started getting ready for the yard sale at my parents’ house. Someone gave us a newer washer and dryer, so we were planning to sell our smaller old ones at the yard sale, and his dad was coming over to help us put it on my truck. As they moved it down the stairs, I stood out on our balcony listening to them giggle and waiting for them to move out to the sidewalk. Instead, I heard loud banding noises and yelling. I ran back into the house and made my way to the front door; I was going to see if I could go help them. Just as I opened the door, they came barreling back through. Apparently the washer fell off the dolly, and my father-n-law tried to stop it from falling down the stairs. This resulted in his thumb almost being severed from his hand He was bleeding profusely, and they rushed to the kitchen sink to get the bleeding under control and to better judge just what it was we were dealing with. It became readily apparent that he was going to have to go the emergency room. He ended up having to get 12 stitches and a tetnus shot. He is doing well.

It seems like these kinds of things happen when everything is sailing along just fine. We had a plan, and it was a good plan. We’ve been waiting for weeks to get a load of stuff out of the house for this yard sale. They were going to move the washer, and then we’d load up the rest of the stuff. We’d go over to my parents’, and I’d enjoy the day hanging out with my family and making a little cash. Well, that didn’t happen.

After the entire saga with the washer and dryer was over, Chris headed off to help his brother work on a car. My dad, in his truck, followed my brother Wayne and me in mine. We were on the interstate when Wayne asked me what was in the black bag in the back. I told him that it wasn’t a bag but a large bean bag chair. He asked me if I thought it was going to be OK, and I told him that he was wedged in quite nicely. Hmmm…. The next thing we knew, the bean bag was gone. We were unaware that it had flown out of the truck, smacked into the front of my dad’s truck, and rolled away! Wayne and I decided to call it a loss and go on to my parent’s house, but Dad ended up retrieving it and bringing it the rest of the journey!

The rest of the day ended up fine. The yard sale was a success. I was able to spend some time with my family, and I made a little cash. After this crazy day, I am exhausted and will hopefully be in dreamland soon!

Personal Business

I am not sure if I could ever run my own business, but I would like the chance to find out. Perhaps some day I will have a bookstore, café, or a bed and breakfast; I’ve even thought about running a small daycare. Don’t get me wrong; I have a great job. I love where I work now. However, sometimes I think it would be nice to make my own rules. I’m not saying that I don’t want or appreciate accountability. It doesn’t matter what you do, everyone has to be accountable to someone; that’s the way it should be. However, there are times when decisions are made for me in which I wish I had more input. Is this one of those “the grass is always greener…” situations? It could be.

I’ve been reading nonstop lately. I have a stack of books beside my bed that I am working through and another one on my desk at work. I love movies, but there’s nothing like the visions I have as a story plays itself out in my head. Chris and I tried to go to the library in order to get a membership for him last night, but they closed at 5:30. Isn’t that a strange time to close a library? Anyway, we need to do something to make more books available to my husband. He has either read everything or is not interested in what’s on the shelves at the bookstore or doesn’t want to pay the hefty prices for some books. We both love to read and could spend a fortune at Borders, Barnes & Noble, or Davis Kidd. We need to make use of the library. I guess the thing that gets me is the limited time to read the books that are checked out and the late fees. Of course it would be cheaper to pay the late fee than to buy the book, but then I wouldn’t have the book on my shelf as a trophy of my accomplishment. I guess one could argue that I have enough books to show my love of reading, and I don’t really need to own a book unless it’s a classic or one that I am likely to read more than once.

On to another subject, I’ve been wanting to post this picture of Bella. We finally found a bone big enough for her!

Off Kilter

Today was a just a little off. There’s no concrete explanation that I can give you; it just was what it was.

We celebrated my birthday at lunch with a strawberry cake, and someone brought me a lunch from Cracker Barrel. The interesting part of all this is that my birthday is not for another couple weeks. It’s one thing to celebrate the weekend before or after, but weeks before is weird. I ate birthday cake for me, but I didn’t get any birthday wishes from anyone. So, happy early birthday to me!

The baby shower for my friend Bridget was a success, tons of pink gifts for her and her baby girl, lots of oohing and aahing. But there was so much noise and activity; I couldn’t focus very well and ended up missing her opening most of the gifts. I felt a bit disconnected, like floating through a pool with my head underwater. You know what that’s like? You can hear noises; you’re aware that people are there, but you’re strangely removed.

After work, I rushed home to drop of the rest of my birthday cake and then dashed back to my truck in the pouring rain. I was heading to my boss’s house to watch the Oprah show. I arrived just as the rain became a torrential downpour, and I ended up getting soaked as I hurled myself towards the front porch. A few weeks ago my boss and two other teachers went to Chicago for the show, and the episode was airing today. All of the women at work were invited to go. I have often missed out on these gatherings because of scheduling conflicts, and I was determined not to miss this one. However, other than those three women who were on the show, I was the only one to show up. The four of us sat in her den watching and enjoying each other’s company, but they never really had camera time, so all of our eager anticipation amounted to nothing.

The best part of today was walking with Chris though we did not walk any of our normal routes. Since it was raining and the truck was on empty, we decided to take care of two things at once. We stopped to fill up and headed to the mall near our house to do a little power walking. The mall is really a strange place to visit. Most of the stores have closed, and there are very few people milling around the few stores which have remained open. But it’s a great mall for walking; we didn’t have to navigate through crowds. We rounded the mall four times acting like silly little kids and basically just shooting the breeze. So nice.

And now I must put my house in order so I can go to sleep.

Ch-ch-ch-changes….

David Bowie sang about changes. I know I’ve heard that song a hundred times, and I could sing along if it was on the radio, but I can’t remember any of the lyrics at this moment. I was just thinking about the year I’ve hard.

We only have eight days of classes left. After that I give an exam and proctor two others. I have various other meetings and duties to attend to, but the school year will be finished, and I can start to decompress. As it is I can hardly keep my thoughts straight. I keep forgetting things until the last minute; I’m sure that as the time dwindles down I’ll forget things altogether and be blissfully unaware that I missed anything.

This year has been different from the others, but I think that’s because of all the changes I’ve gone through. I did get married just a couple weeks before the school year started. This was also the first year I have not be involved with the fine arts department. The last couple months have been full of change. Three of my friends have announced their pregnancies; and people have been moving into new homes. Though I feel that too much has changed too fast for me, I am looking forward to the changes that will be taking place in a few weeks. Usually I go through a type of separation anxiety at the end of the school year, but I don’t think that’s going to be the case this time. My stress level needs to decrease for a bit; my brain needs a rest.

I was gazing at the pool across the parking lot tonight. Warm weather will be here soon, and I can enjoy basking in the warm glow of the sun and floating lazily around on my big blue float. I love lounging by the pool with my earphones on, lost in the cool tunes, the hot sun, and the glistening blue water. Before you get too jealous, I won’t be over there all the time. Remember, I will be working this summer. But I will be rushing home at the end of the day anxious to take a quick dip before the sun goes down and all chances of freshening up my tan are gone.

Tomorrow we’re having a baby shower at work for my friend Bridget. She’s having a girl in August, and we’re all wearing pink to celebrate her and the baby. I really want to look cute, so I think I’ll go obsess over what I’m wearing tomorrow. Of course, first I have to clean up the kitchen from dinner and take care of the clothes in the washer and dryer. A woman’s work is never done.

Trash Can Living

The title has to do with Oscar the Grouch, who I can really relate to right now. I suppose the difference is that he seems to relish the fact that he’s grouchy, and I really don’t want to be. I’ve been pretty grouchy for the last couple days. I even told the students that I woke up grouchy yesterday. I hate feeling like this, and I wish that I could just flip a switch and be super cheery girl. I’m trying. Bella growled at me a lot tonight. She never does that; maybe my mood is catching. I certainly hope not.

Yesterday was my dad’s 56th birthday. The twelve of us which includes my parents, my brother and his family, my sister and her husband, and Chris and me gathered at a restaurant for dinner. Just as is always the case with a big group of people, several different conversations occurred all at once, and each person took their leisure to drift in and out, sampling parts of each discussion or observation. The evening, for the most part, went well, and we were able to enjoy being together as a family. I wish these events could happen more often, but, with the distance between our homes and our busy schedules, it’s not possible.

My brother and his family are here for the weekend. Tonight Chris and I brought our two oldest nephews home with us. If they lived closer we’d try to have them over once or twice a month. We enjoy spending time with them so much and miss them greatly in between visits. I guess we’re going to have to get children of our own sometime! We ate a late dinner and watched The Replacements on TV. I really like that movie. I like a lot of sports movies because they tend to be inspirational and fun. I guess I’ll probably spend the rest of the evening reading or falling asleep while they find some video game to play.

There are only two weeks of classes left and then exams. After that I will take a week off before starting my new job; I’m going to need a little time to take a break and decompress. I was going to start the day after school ended, but Chris convinced me to give myself a little time; he’s such a smart man. I’m still going to be working at the school during the summer, but I’m going to be answering the phones. It will be a complete change of pace, and I hope that I don’t get tired and sluggish from sitting all day. I’ve been trying to gather ideas for things that I can do while I sit there. I'll read and write and maybe finally be successful at teaching myself to knit. But I really need some other ideas. It’ll be quiet around there with school out of session, but at least I have a job and will be making more money.

Mint chocolate chip ice cream is waiting for me.

Happy Thoughts

Two mornings ago, after I had gotten ready for work, I sat on the bed eating my breakfast, a bowl of Fruity Dino-Bites, and watched a little of Monster’s Inc. with Chris who was still snuggled under the covers, and I was struck with how little it takes to make me happy. There are things in everyday life that bring little rushes of happiness and help the day to move along a little better. I love the first moment I see Chris at the end of the day. I love buying a new piece of clothing and receiving compliments on how I look the first time I wear it. I love the fact that my dog Bella loves me and wants my attention no matter how many times I rant and rave at her. I love reading in bed until I can’t hold my eyes open any longer and then drifting off to sleep with the book still open in my hands. Here are a few of my other favorite things that I am currently enjoying:

Butterflies: Butterflies are so beautiful and light. It seems that they exist just for the beauty that they bring to the world. There’s also the fact that they have to go through a great struggle in order to fly. They work very hard to escape from their cocoon, and the struggle pushes a fluid into their wings that enables them to fly. Struggles make you stronger.

Bunnies: Every time I see a bunny in a field I feel a thrill of delight surge through me. Sure they are cuddly and soft, but I don’t really know what it is about them that makes me so happy. I’m much happier seeing them out in nature than at the pet store. I’ve thought about having one as a pet, but I just don’t think I’d be very happy about it unless I had a large yard for it to hop around in. There is a park near my home, so I get to see bunnies in the wild every few days.

People Magazine: It’s reliable entertainment news. I don’t like many of the other entertainment magazines because they are more gossipy in nature. Plus, there’s the fact that I love doing the crossword every week. I can never complete the crossword in the newspaper, but I’m great at the one in People. I don’t like reading the newspaper or watching news shows on TV; they just bring me down. It’s all bad news, and there is enough to deal with in my every day life. People magazine is entertaining and informative; I like that.

Gilmore Girls: Every afternoon I try to make it home by 4 in order to catch reruns of Gilmore Girls on the Family Channel. Unless I have a bad headache, I quickly change into my workout clothes and walk on my treadmill while I watch. I love the quirkiness of the characters and the snappy dialogue. I get lost in their little world for an hour each day. On Tuesdays I get to watch the watch the show twice because of the new episodes, but that will soon change as the season ends.

Little Big Town: I have been listening to the album The Road to Here quite a bit lately. It’s just a lot of fun, great to sing along with. One of the songs that I particularly like is “Welcome to the Family.” It’s being sung to the groom of the singer’s little sister, and it reminds me a great deal of the type of talk that my brother gave Chris and my sister’s husband before we got married. The basic message is that you better treat my little sister right or you will pay; I get a kick out of listening to it. There was a time when I could not stand country music, and I didn’t understand how anyone else could enjoy it. I was proud of the fact that I was from Nashville but didn’t like country music. However, little by little, my sister and mom began to wear down my resolve. Then Chris came along and broke down the wall completely. Now it rivals any other type of music I listen to.

I guess that about does it for my list today. I could keep going, but what would I write about in other posts?

Give Me a Break

Teachers get themselves into interesting predicaments. Today, my students were taking a quiz, and I really needed to go to the restroom. Normally I could just run out quickly if they were just doing normal class work. However, I can’t just pick up and go while testing is going on; they must be supervised. So, I sent out a little petition for someone to run over to watch my precious little angels. No such luck. It wouldn’t be so bad if my classes were only 45 minutes, but they are 90 minutes long! Can you believe it? Do people in other professions have this problem?

I’ve gotten in the habit of calling my mom each morning on the way to work. It’s so nice to hear her voice first thing in the morning. She has such a soothing, peaceful voice. If I feel anxious about an issue, we don’t even have to talk about it. We can discuss the weather or what I’m wearing; I just feel calmer talking to her. I wonder if other moms have that effect. Is it just the “Mom Effect” or is it one of my own mom’s special qualities? Whatever it is I hope that my children feel the same about me as I do my mom.

Tonight Chris brought home dinner from Pei Wei. I love their lettuce wraps and Mongolian beef. We ate our delicious Chinese food and watched Fun With Dick and Jane, which stars Jim Carrey and Tea Leoni as a couple who lose all they have and end up opting for a life of crime in order preserve their family. For most of the movie, I felt very sad. I sympathize with characters in movies way too much. Chris says that the fact that I feel so much for these people in movies is evidence that I have a big heart, and I think that I’m just way too sensitive. At any rate, I was sinking lower and thinking that there was no way that it could end well. I, of course, forgot that it was a comedy and, by definition, has to have some kind of happy ending. Still, despite my generally positive outlook, I just couldn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel, and I just didn’t know if I could keep watching if the movie was going to leave me wallowing in an abyss of failed dreams. I will not give away the ending for those of you who have not seen it, but I will say that I was pleased with the outcome. I can now move on with my life and sleep tonight without worrying about fictitious characters and their plight in life.

Though it is a bit too early for bed, I will be soon heading in that direction. I did not sleep well last night, have been dealing with a headache for much of the evening, and walked 2 1/2 miles on the treadmill this afternoon. I’m tired. So, I wish a good night to all.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!?

I know that I have not tended to my blog for more than a week now. I apologize for my absence. Each time I sat down to write over the last week, I just wasn’t able to come up with anything. It’s not that my mind has been blank; it’s just been on overload. Too many thoughts have been swirling around in my head, and I couldn’t grab hold of one long enough to actually write something coherent.

I’ve been reading quite a bit. I read several books for work as I was attempting to find a new novel to teach next year. I was looking for one which would work in conjunction with Black History Month. I landed on Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry by Mildred D. Taylor. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it. It, along with its sequel, Let the Circle Be Unbroken, follows the life of the Logans, a black family in Mississippi in the 1930’s, and I simply couldn’t put down the books until I finished them. I am quite excited about teaching the novel and discussing the various issues the novel deals with.

In addition to my reading for work, I’ve been reading quite a bit on my own as well. I just finished Eldest, which is the sequel to Eragon by Christopher Paolini. My husband Chris is fascinated by dragons and turned me onto this series. By the end of the book I was breathlessly racing ahead to see what would happen next. I also finished a Nicholas Sparks book, Nights in Rodanthe, and I’ve been reading a historical fiction novel, Widow of the South by Robert Hicks. I would be remiss if I did not also include my Bible reading; I’ve been quite inspired by Philippians as of late. That pretty much sums up my reading over the past week and a half. As you can see, my interests are quite varied. I simply love reading; to me it is quite a gift.

Yesterday I went shopping with Mom. She is simply my best friend. I love spending time with her, and I am so grateful for the relationship we have. We skirted around the Bellevue area, taking care of various errands. One of my favorite stops was Michael’s, the craft store. I bought painting materials, scrap booking supplies, and some wood pieces for another project. I have painted the base color on one of my canvasses, but I have not been able to do much else, and I am anxious to work on the painting. Hopefully I will have some time this week to let my creative juices flow. I also picked up some information for the special classes at Michael’s. In June, I plan to take the first course of cake decorating, and in July I will hope to take the second course. I’m hoping that Mom will want to take them with me. I would start the classes in May, but one of them would interfere with my birthday, and I just can’t let that happen, so I will wait.

Chris and I have been seeing a few movies lately. The interesting thing is that most of them have been children’s movies. Most of them have been wonderful stories with plenty to thrill people from all age groups. One of the most important things for Chris and me is that a movie has a strong plot to move the action along. Special effects, good actors, and interesting cinematography are all important, but if the plot is lacking, the movie is just not worth the price of the movie ticket. It’s alright for rental. However, in order to justify spending the money it takes to go to the theater, the movie needs to be high quality. A few of the movies we’ve thoroughly enjoyed lately have been Nanny McPhee, Eight Below, and Ice Age 2. However, we were less than impressed with the movie we saw this afternoon, The Wild; the story line was weak. There hasn’t been anything else at the theaters to grab our attention. I think that we are in the lull that occurs between the feel-good Christmas moves and the summer blockbusters. I’m looking forward to more diverse choices in the near future; perhaps Chris and I will be able to find a movie with a more adult crowd to view. Lately we’ve been the only ones in the theater without children, but I guess that we’re both just a couple of big kids anyway!

Another entry

I just couldn't think of a title for this one. So here goes....

When I was a little girl, I would act like I was a teacher. I would set up a dozen or so of my stuffed animals and my Barbies, and I would often include my little sister in her carseat to the mix. I had a chalkboard and extra workbooks and I would go around and check everyone's work and instruct them the best I knew how. I had a captive audience, and I loved it.

It's interesting that I feel much the same now as I did then. Sometimes when I'm filling out various forms or implementing some strategy in my lesson plans, I feel like I'm "playing school." I guess that means that I'm having fun. On most days, I do enjoy my job very much. I think at least part of that might be that, just as I did when I was a little girl, I have a captive audience.

I think that I was born to be a teacher. No matter where I go in life, I think that I will always find a way to teach. But as we get to the end of the school year, I'm getting tired. We're going down the home stretch here, and I want to sit down and forfeit the game. But I will press on and work hard to finish well.

Speaking of finishing well, Chris and I broke down and bought some new furniture the other night. It was like an aventure. Friday night I told Chris that we really needed to do something to brighten up the apartment and to get the office organized. So we went to Walmart to see what we could do. I saw a pine TV armoire that I just feel for. However, they didn't have one in stock at that Walmart, so we had a guy at customer service call across town to check their stock. They had one left, so we rushed over and bought the armoire, three sets of bookcases, a computer desk which has another set of shelves with it, a torchiere lamp, and a nightlight. I know it sounds extravagant, especially for two people who are quite limited on funds. But we did get a good deal for our money, and the items we had in our apartment were falling apart and just plain ugly. Now my apartment seems more like a home and less like a transitional place.

Happy Easter!

I was able to celebrate the day with both my family and Chris’s. We had lunch with his side in Crossville, and it was so wonderful to get away from town to a place a bit slower and more peaceful than our every day lives. We drove back to Nashville and arrived a little after four. Shortly after than, we had an Easter egg hunt in the backyard for my nephews, and I felt such happiness watching those boys scurry back and forth and discovering the eggs. Then we had the hunt for the “big kids.” (That would be my siblings, me, and our spouses.) We hunted inside the house for eggs filled with coins! There were three prize eggs, and I found two of them, but I let someone else get the second one I found. I wanted someone else to have the thrill of getting it; one prize egg was enough for me.

On the way home tonight, I felt like I was beginning to see the wonder of the world again. There is so much beauty and joy to be had, and I don’t want to miss it. Hearing my nephews laugh, seeing my brother after a long absence, spending time with my beautiful Mom, hearing “I love you” from any member of my family, having my husband wrap me up in his arms, feeling the cool breeze on this warm spring day: these are all things to be thankful for. And they are all gifts from God. I am blessed. I hope that you are able to find blessings in your day as well.

Back to Life

I really haven’t been able to write over the last couple weeks. There has been too much upheaval in my life, and I have not been dealing very well with it. Really, I just haven’t been myself. But, I’m back.

Today I have the day off of work for Good Friday. The significance of this weekend does not escape me. It’s all about redemption and new life. I can’t wait until Sunday. I feel like there’s some new phase waiting for me there. I do get to see Wayne, Laura, and the boys. I’ll be spending time with Chris’s family and then with my own, and it promises to be a positive, upbeat day. After all that’s happened, I need fun and good news. And I don’t mean to be selfish, but good news for other people doesn’t count. Other people have been telling me all of their good news, and while I am happy for them, Chris and I need good news for us.

It’s 10 o’clock in the morning, and I’m still in my pajamas! I need to get moving here in a few minutes. I have so much to do around this apartment. Does anyone have any ideas for how I can brighten this place up? Lately I’ve been struck with how dark it is in here. I don’t know what to do about that. After I finish a few little chores around here, I will be going to meet my mom, a friend, and her mom for lunch at one of my favorite places, the City Limits Café. They have great Panini sandwiches there, delicious soups, and yummy desserts.

Hopefully, I will have more to write later and can write more often. I have missed it.

Hit Rewind

That’s what I wish that I could do. My parents have had eight foster children over the last ten years, and this week my first foster brother Charlie was killed. He died Friday morning, though we found out about his condition Wednesday night. I really can’t write of the details here, but I suppose I can say that his life was taken from him.

He was with my family for a couple years, and then he was adopted by some of his extended family members. We were able to spend Thanksgiving with him this last year. We watched a bunch of old home movies before we sat down to dinner, and though some of what we saw was painfully embarrassing, we still enjoyed a little trip down Memory Lane. What can I tell you about Charlie? He was twenty three and would have gotten married in August. He had a wonderful smile and a silliness that was endearing. He loved being with my family. And I would like to run time back to stop the tragic ending of his life, but I can’t. And tomorrow afternoon we will lay his body to rest, but his spirit is already in heaven, finally set free from the hardships he endured while on this earth. That is what I must concentrate on in order to ease some of the sadness. I am sad. And I’m mad that something so senseless happened. And my mind keeps rejecting the reality of this.

It’s just going to take some time.

Exhausted!

This weekend I’ve helped my sister move, helped my old roommate shop for her new house, driven my nephews back to Fort Knox, and packed for a trip I’m going on tomorrow. I have to be at the school at six in the morning, and I’ll be heading off to the Smokey Mountains with 82 seventh graders for three days of hiking. I am so tired right now that I can hardly think of tramping around on trails with a bunch of kids.

The really hard part of this is that this trip will be the longest that I’ve been away from Chris since we’ve been together. I know that many other women have to spend months and even years away from their spouses, so I can’t really compare. However, I am very sad. Even though I haven’t left, I miss him already.

For now, I need to double check my packing list and get ready for bed. I’ll be back on Wednesday night.