At least the ending is happy….

I hate feeling trapped. My personal brand of claustrophobia doesn’t have to do with elevators or small closets but with situations where I don’t feel like I can make a quick getaway. When I arrive at a new place, my brain involuntarily maps a way out for me in case I need to take it. This also works in social situations or when I feel like I don’t have a choice in a matter. I think that may have a lot to do with my wanting so desperately to switch the office and the bedroom. I am not saying that we won’t be doing that this weekend; it could still happen. What I’m trying to say is that I feel so much better about being in my current bedroom because I have a choice in it. I guess before I just felt like that’s the way things had to be. It was logical. Of course you take the master bedroom and leave the small one for the office. Eh, I know I’m rambling. But hopefully you see my point.

I like choices.

I guess I will just have to let you know what happens with the mini-move.

Right now I don’t feel like I have a lot of choices in wardrobe. I’ve gained weight, and once again I have those feelings of being trapped. And I feel so embarrassed. I know that’s because we live in a society where looks are ultra important, and people who are overweight are viewed as lazy. I always worry that people are going to see me as lazy, and so I work really hard not to be viewed that way. Wow, how’s all this for being transparent? Anyway, for the weight gain, I know that part of that is because of being so sick this last year, and we couldn’t figure out why it was happening nor was it ever really solved. However, I’m doing much better health-wise and am now combating the extra pounds, but I don’t feel like I’m doing such a great job. And I see pictures of myself before, like when Chris and started dating. (There’s a pair of jeans I wore then that I am anxious to get back into.) I felt so great about myself then, and I want to feel that way again. So, I’m working out, drinking a lot of water, and trying to eat sensibly. I guess it’s just not happening quickly enough for me. And I need some encouragement.

I really feel like I need to end this post on a positive note…. This has been a long pause, only a few dots for you, but for me….Oh, I know. My dad came by my work today quite unexpectantly. He was smiling and looked so handsome. He asked me what I had brought for lunch. I told him I had a Healthy Choice meal in the freezer, and he asked me if that’s what I really wanted for lunch because he was going to run out to do a couple errands and come back. So, I ordered the California chicken salad from O’Charley’s, and he brought is back for me. So sweet of him! And this is my favorite salad; really, it’s delicious. You should try it. How’s that for positive?

Switch

I have lived in the same apartment building for six years. For the first five I lived with my wonderful, crazy, beautiful roommate Christina. (For those of you who know her, you know just what I mean. Spending time with her is always a delight.) When I got married in 2005, I moved across the hall to be with my husband. Yes, I married the boy next door! We are contemplating doing a little moving this weekend, just within our current apartment. I have tried in the last year to be comfortable, to get used to, our bedroom. Yet I still feel ill at ease there. So, we’ve decided to take the smaller bedroom for our own and use the larger bedroom as the office/storage/gym/Bella’s room. I know that might seem crazy to some, but I think that I will end up being happier that way. Interestingly enough Chris and both sets of our parents see this as a good and advisable idea; I didn’t see that coming. However, with Chris starting his own business, he will need more office space in the apartment, so there’s really more than one reason to switch rooms. I truly wish and fervently pray that soon we will be able to move out of this apartment altogether, but I also realize how many blessings have come to me from living there.

Those blessings are:
•I met Christina who has become one of my best friends and was able to stand up with me at my wedding.
•I met Chris. We never would have met otherwise, and he has been one of the most profound, beautiful, and unexpected gifts I’ve ever received.
•I would have died. Strange statement I know. But I wanted to stay in the apartments I was in before I moved to the ones I’m in now. I tried to stay. God wasn’t allowing it. A few months after I moved, a raging fire burned my old apartment building burned to the ground in the middle of the night, a night that I happened to take a sleeping pill, a night that my old roommate would have been out of town. I would not have wakened; I would have died. There are blessings in disguise.
•I really like the pool. It’s rarely busy; there are usually only a couple other people there. Often we even get to have it to ourselves.
•It’s only eight minutes away from my work.
•We live in a great neighborhood for walking, either in the neighborhood or in the park across the street from us.

We are looking forward to other blessings, specifically the blessing of a house. I have a picture of a cottage on our bulletin board. It’s the perfect little house for us, enough space to entertain in and grow into should God bless us with children and a big front porch to put rocking chairs on for cool spring and fall evenings. Apartments have always felt to me like transitional places or like a small cage for a bird that must keep her wings tucked. She can flutter from perch to perch, but there is no real freedom. So, I pray daily for a new home for my little family. Another dream of mine….

Magical Moments

In the movie Phenomenon, George, played by John Travolta, wins the heart of a woman because he takes interest in her and her work. She makes chairs, and, without her knowledge, he buys them all when no one else will. Moments like that take me in and call me up to something romantic and magical… and then I remember that real life is rarely like that.

Today, I was feeling a bit low. I can’t really explain here what all was going on in my head, but it just wasn’t positive. Then I came home from work and spent a couple hours doing laundry, iron, and mopping the kitchen floor. Just as I was finishing my first run over the floor with the mop, I heard Chris coming in the door behind me. I managed to sigh a greeting and continued to work on the tiles. He just stood by the door. Finally, I leaned the mop against the wall and turned around.

He was holding a bouquet of roses. Beautiful yellow roses tipped in red with a bunch of babies breathe all around. “I thought you could use some flowers,” he said. I took the flowers from him, wrapped my arms around him, and remembered that romance really does exist.

These are much prettier than the picture, but I thought you might like to get an idea of what they look like.

The making of an artist….

I’ve always fancied myself to be an artist, or at least to have the heart of an artist. I’ve been a writer since I can remember. I’ve always hammed it up around the house and tried to be involved in theater through school and church. I live in a world of wild imagination, most of which gets no farther than my own mind. After taking a folk art painting class last fall, I am now excited about painting. A few weeks ago I posted a picture of a blank canvas; very soon I hope to post a picture of the finished product. Today I spent quite a bit of time sketching out ideas for future paintings.

I am by no means saying that I would ever be recognized by anyone else besides myself as an artist. If art is not appreciated by anyone else but the creator, then it is worthwhile. I enjoy exploring my imagination. I enjoy throwing color on a canvas and or words on a page and watching as what seems like chaos transform into something cohesive, something with a pleasant flow.

Do you want to know one of my wildest dreams? I want an old building to turn into a theater and coffeehouse. It would be full of original art and antique furniture with exquisite details. I would direct and/or produce plays, and bands would come to share their music. It would be a place where art would flourish, where life would thrive. It would be a place of beauty, where life could be explored and appreciated and shared.

In one of my many stories I’ve described this place, and it may continue to only exist there. I need to finish that story. It may be the only place that I’m able to really share that dream with others. And even if I never get to truly realize the dream of owning a place like I’ve described above, I will continue to dream about it. It’s so important to dream, even if those dreams only exist in one’s mind. I remember Steven Spielburg quoting someone else when he said, “The old dreams were good dreams. They did not come true, but the important thing is that I had them.”

One who never dreams never really lives. I plan to live.

Theme Park Nostalgia

On Saturday we returned the boys to their parents in Kentucky and stayed to go to Six Flags and an arena football game with them. Neither Chris nor I ride many rides, but we were happy to be hanging out with my brother and his family. I was explaining to my nephew Brent about how adults often have just as much fun watching kids have fun as the kids have in having the fun. I know that’s a strange concept for kids; I didn’t get it either when I was his age. Anyway, I think that we all had a good time at Six Flags. I haven’t been to a theme park in more years than I care to recall. I was very happy to see that they had really tall fans with misty water to help to cool everyone off. When did they start doing that? Great idea. The really annoying thing is that I had a headache all day yesterday, and instead of easing up, it just became continually worse until all I could do was collapse into bed. I tried very hard to refrain from letting my discomfort affect anyone else yesterday, and I think it worked out alright. And I did still manage to ride a few rides and have fun with everyone.

My brother, sister-in-law, and I all worked at Opryland in Nashville when we were teenagers. I actually still have my name tag. It’s extremely sad that it doesn’t still exist, especially since that’s where they met. Now a very large, somewhat pretentious mall stands in the spot, and Wayne and Laura can’t take their kids to the park and show them where they met and began to fall in love. I was thinking that some day that will happen to the apartments where Chris and I live. They are fine now, but they don’t really seem to be structures that will stand the test of time. Those units are individually owned, and someday a bunch of people will lose a lot of money when those buildings have to go. Chris and I rent, so we won’t really be out of anything except for years of rent payments that could have gone to pay on a mortgage. But our time to own a house has yet to come….

Anyway, back to Opryland. I loved working there. It was only for one summer, and my job consisted mostly of scooping ice cream in the Mayfield ice cream parlor. However, the best part was the fact that I could stay in the park when I finished my shift and play with my work friends. We would wander around flirting with boys, snagging free food from our friends, and hopping on the rides with wild abandon. Oh, to be young(er) and to be able to ride a roller coaster over and over with no side effects. It’s strange how those memories are so vivid even now. A little of the Grizzly Rampage still stands; I don’t know why they didn’t take it down. As for the rest of the park, I can only visit there in my dreams.

Boy Time!

We’ve had my three oldest nephews with us for the past few days, and before that I was too busy with all of the Fourth of July festivities to post anything. So, here I am today. There’s too much going on in my head to narrow in on one topic and write anything of consequence. Since Wednesday morning, I’ve taken the boys swimming four times, fixed enough food to feed an army, let them play about a dozen hours of video games, taken them to play Glow Golf, gone grocery shopping, and watched several movies. Yesterday Chris did not get home from work until around 8, and he was terribly missed. However, he’s taking the entire day off today. The boys love having him around; there’s a lot that can be said for the value of the male bonding that goes on between them.

Today promises to be eventful. I started the day by making Mickey Mouse waffles and turkey bacon for everyone. Now the boys are in the process of getting cleaned up so that we can go to the Frist Museum today. They have an Egyptian exhibit with mummies, perfect for boys. After that we’re going to have lunch at Jason’s Deli where they have ridiculously large loaded baked potatoes and free ice cream, also perfect for boys. The afternoon/evening will consist of swimming, a trip to the dog park, building a fire in one of the fire places of a pavilion in the park in order to make s’mores, and video game playing. Somewhere in there Chris has to take Bella to his parents’ house and switch vehicles. On Saturday we will return the boys to their parents, go to Six Flags, see an arena football game, and return home on Sunday.

As you can see, we have been and will continue to be busy. I need caffeine!

Exploring the Beauty

I’ve been thinking about heaven quite a bit lately. Not only has it often come up in my reading, but also, my grandfather, Paw Paw, had surgery last Monday, June 28, and has yet to awaken. In all honesty, my prayer is that he doesn’t wake up. I would much rather that he continues on the journey to heaven. I suppose that might seem odd, but I know that he has experienced far too much pain in the last couple years, and I know that the pleasure of heaven will far outweigh his suffering on earth.

Of course, that begins to bring to mind the mystery of exactly what heaven is like. Most people get the picture of an eternal church service, everyone wearing white and halos, angels playing harps and singing with achingly beautiful operatic voices. That’s interesting… for about ten minutes… if that. Where’s the vibrant color and creativity? What about all of those people who don’t like opera? What about those of us that really prefer not to wear white? I’m impressed that the streets are gold. That’s cool, but I don’t really get excited about gold. Is that really all that heaven is? No. Emphatically NO!

Everything that is lovely and fun and pure and spectacular about earth will be there. God is creative. He’s the one who came up with the Garden of Eden, hundreds of varieties of dogs, the Rockies, the process of metamorphosis for the butterfly, the seasons, sex, Niagra Falls, the Grand Canyon, snowflakes, deliciously juicy fruits, and so many other wonderful things. We are made in His image, and because of Him people like Van Gogh, Monet, Mozart, Renoir, Shakespeare, and many other artists were able to share glimpses of beauty with us.

God’s creativity is limitless. So why do we have such a bland idea of heaven?

I hope that while I am here on earth I will be able to explore more, to find a small hint of heaven on earth. I long to explore the Grand Canyon, to camp out there and to feel the wildness of the place. I want to visit some exotic island, one without the deep scar of tourism. I want to drink in the beauty of strange flowers I’ve never even imagined and watch the horizon as the sun sinks into glorious shades of crimson, burnt orange, and fiery yellow. I want to find a waterfall hidden deep within the woods and listen as it sings a song to the trees and rocks witch surround it -- and perhaps even discover that it has a message for me as well. I want adventure.

This life doesn’t afford most of us with very much adventure. Maybe I won’t be able to do all the things that I dream of. I know that I won’t be able to; I have pretty big dreams and an even bigger imagination. However, I know that if I don’t get to do all those things in this life, heaven will afford me with even bigger adventures and even grander dreams come true.

Will I grieve when Paw Paw passes? You better believe it. He will leave a void in the lives of those he leaves behind, but I will not be sad for him. His real adventure will have just begun!

Down like rain….

Blessings. They can be so unexpected. Tonight, Chris and I went with my parents to eat at Green Hills Grille. Someone had given Chris some gift certificates, and we felt like tonight would be a good night to use them. We had just prayed over our food when a man walked up to our table and said, “Does anyone over here know Jesus?” We all just stared at him, and then I realized that it was a guy that I had graduated high school with. His name is Craig.

A little background: Craig and I went to school together from 7th to 12th grade. Although we had our moments, most of the time he was not very nice to me. He often made fun of me for my Christian beliefs or for my looks or whatever he could find to pick on. As he put it, he persecuted me, but I prayed for Craig.

But Craig ended up becoming a Christian, and God lit quite a fire inside him. Really, he glows. He has apologized to me, my family, and even to Chris for the way he treated me. And tonight, the waitress told us that Craig had picked up our check for dinner. Amazing.

We had a nice time after dinner chatting with him, his lovely wife, and his two adorable children. His son Joseph was born in Columbia. He’s a miracle boy. The doctor told Craig that he needed to just enjoy the time he had with Joseph because he would not make it, but Craig told them that Joseph would live and would some day be a preacher. He had prayed, and he felt God’s peace. Joseph is now a vibrant and healthy two year old. Hopefully Craig will contact Dad soon; we all hope to get together soon.

Sometimes blessings are so obvious like what happened with us tonight. But sometimes they are subtle, and we miss them. I had several blessings today: Chris and I complete three miles today on our walk, including the HILL. Chris brought me sweet tea from Sonic this morning. Today was a gorgeous day. I get to walk outside twice a day at work: once to put mail in the mailbox and once to retrieve mail. Today my little stroll was a small piece of heaven on earth. The sky was delicately strewn with soft clouds; the sun felt warm on my skin, and a brisk, refreshing breeze sufficiently cooled the earth. Later in the day two sweet little girls took a few moments to stop and talk to me. And though I soundly conked my head on a shelf at work today and ended up with a nice size bump, I did not get knocked out! (I really thought for a moment there that I was going to go down.) Oh, and I was able to take a long nap when I got home from work.

I actually keep a grateful journal where I write down three to five things each day that I am grateful for. It's such a great exercise and helps me to be more positive about my life.

I hope that I will be able to pass blessings on to other people tomorrow.

Dancing in the Butterfly Garden with China

I’ve been reading a lot of other people’s blogs lately, and it has been somewhat intimidating. So many of these are used to spout one’s philosophy on any number of topics or to showcase a person’s intelligence. And I look at my humble little reporting here. It’s just general observations: a chance to share my thoughts, feelings, and activities with others. I start to feel that I should be more eloquent or that I should write about more important issues, issues that would reach toward some lofty goal, issues which would spark passion and fire and debate in others. That’s exhausting. And it’s not who I am. So, oh well.

But that raises the obvious question. Who am I? Do people ever stop asking this question? It’s not simple to answer, and the answer is never complete. Who we are evolves with each new experience.

Today I was a distracted and somewhat bored receptionist. While school is not in session, summer camps are in full swing. We have one that runs six weeks with primarily African-American children from North Nashville. It’s a chance for them to stay fresh on their academic studies and to engage in extra curricular activities such as art, theater, swimming, etc. I work in what is fondly referred to as the Birdhouse. It’s painted to look like a little birdhouse with vines and working blue-gray shutters. To my right is a small rectangular window that allows me to view guests in the waiting area and also any small children who may mosey by. I’ve been attempting to read, but my mind keeps wandering to my financial difficulties. That is until some little angel faced African-American child presses his little face or hand against the tiny window of my cubicle and smiles both shyly and mischievously. The children parade by here on their way to lunch, PE, and various other activities. And they peek at me through the window. Most of them have been reserved and the model of self control while others frantically try to get my attention, waving and smiling and calling out to me. And for a moment my heart feels a little lighter, and all that clouded my mind disappears as I gaze into those chocolate brown eyes, and I release a smile of my own. Just as I begin to bring myself back to the task at hand another child stops by and uses my little window as his own personal stage; he takes an opportunity to do a little dance then grins wildly and dashes away.

Why can’t we be more like this? I want to dance more.

There were a couple other happenings of interest from today. Chris came to work and surprised me with a sweet iced tea from Sonic. I’m addicted to sweet iced tea from Sonic. It’s a problem. Really. I think about it too much. Great, now I want some now. As Chris left I walked him out to the car so that I could check the mail, which is one of my very important receptionist duties. There’s also the fact that just outside the entrance there is a lovely flower garden. I always walk a little slower on the way back in the building in order to appreciate the beauty a little longer. Today I saw two of the most gorgeous, large yellowtail butterflies lingering around the flowers. I had to take a few extra moments to gaze at them and attempt to get as close as possible in order to better examine the intricate design on their wings. I love butterflies.

I also was given an eight piece setting of fine china. It’s very delicate and sweet with silver and gray detailing and a rose pattern. When I told Chris about this, he said, “That’s great, Honey…. Wait, where are we going to put it?” You see, we already have seven sets of dishes! Only one is really nice and used for dinner with company. One is for every day use. Two others are sets that have been in his family for years, and the last three are for special occasions. I know it’s a lot. We have too much stuff.

What would you do?

Have you every thought about what you would do if you had permission to do anything? I was thinking about that today. What is it that I would do if there were no boundaries? What makes me come alive? You know, I had a really hard time with that. Certain answers jumped to my mind right away, but I began to wonder if those were just my staple answers. So, I went a little deeper. Here’s what I came up with:

I would try out for a play. I would open up my own playhouse or coffeehouse or bed and breakfast. I would write a book. I would plant a garden. I would drive to the Grand Canyon in a camper and take in the wonder, wildness, and beauty there. I would go to Roswell, New Mexico, even if all I found there was a cheesy gift shop with alien merchandise. I would adopt babies. I would find a way to get the 300 acres of land that Chris wants and build our house in the center of it. I would raise horses.

These are all things that I have pondered or that I have slightly touched, dancing around the fringes of my dreams. I’ve directed several plays, but I haven’t tried out for anything in since college. I’ve been writing, but I haven’t finished anything. I’ve traveled but always with someone else as the guide. Some of these things couldn’t have happened earlier; God had a different plan than the one I had in mind. But I wonder if I missed out on other things because of a lack of vision.

Does that mean that I am going to run out and start doing these things so that I can check them off of my list? No. I just want to have passion and a dream. It doesn’t really matter if these things come to pass. What matters is that I have a dream, that I have something that drives me, something that makes me feel truly alive. And I really want to help others find their passion and pursue their dreams, which is why I am a teacher.

Wild at Heart

Whenever I read a book by John Eldredge or Brennan Manning, my world gets rocked. I’m a little over halfway through Wild at Heart. This is my second reading.



If you are not familiar with the book, it’s written for men, a guide to the true heart of a man. It’s also great for women to read in order to better understand men. The first time I read it a few years ago, it revolutionized the way that I thought about men. I think it would be good for me to reread this book every few years. I especially think it’s a good refresher for me now that I’m married. Should I have the blessing of sons, I will definitely read it again. Here are the basics. Every man and every woman has three basic desires.
Man:
1. a battle to fight
2. an adventure to live
3. a beauty to rescue
Woman:
1. to be fought for, to be pursued
2. an adventure to share
3. a beauty to reveal

In the book a woman asks Eldredge, “ How do I get my husband to come alive?” He answers her, “Invite him to be dangerous.” In order to truly understand this bit of guidance, you need to read the book.

Taking this advice, I have decided that Chris and I need to pursue adventure. We’re going to start by going camping; the first trip will be in the next couple weeks. We hope to eventually go camping in the Grand Canyon. We’re also going to go white water rafting on the Ocoee. And I told Chris that, when we can afford it, I would love for him to get a motorcycle, a desire that he has long held. I am also on the lookout for other adventures.

I don’t want to live in a strictly “safe” world. Just as Lucy discovered in The Chronicles of Narnia, Aslan is not safe, but he is good. In just the same way, life doesn’t have to be safe to be good. I feel like, for the longest time, I’ve looked for safely alone. While that’s nice and certainly necessary in many cases, it should not be the ultimate goal. I’ve run from fear for so long, and now I’ve come to see that it’s time to tackle. It’s time to be wild.

I know that I cannot do justice to this book in my little feeble explanation or even in beginning to tell the ways that my thinking and my life in general are being altered. I hope that you will get the chance to read it.

Back on the journey….

Back in 2002 I started the book The Sacred Romance by John Eldredge and Brent Curtis; it’s all about knowing your own heart and about your relationship with God. I don’t know why, but I stopped just a couple chapters shy of finishing it and the accompanying workbook. In an attempt to find things to occupy my “down time” at work, I start on them again. It’s been an eye opening experience, and I’ve found that I have a journey to finish. I love books written by John Elderidge. I’ve read The Journey of Desire and Wild at Heart, and all three of the books have impacted me in profound ways. However, I feel that since so much time has elapsed since I read them the influence they have had on me has diminished considerably. So, I’m going to read them again. And for that same reason, I plan to reread The Chronicles of Narnia this summer as well.

I guess this is the summer for remembering and renewing for me. I’m also starting to make hemp jewelry again. I used to necklaces and bracelets all the time a few years ago. I thought I’d try to make one for each student in my homeroom for this next year. I thought that might be kind of a cool thing. Eh, we’ll see.

Oh, I finally had some pool time this week. I haven’t been able to get over there at all until now. Chris had to work a little late, so it was just me. Mmmmm, the feel of the warm sun on my skin. I took my CD player over there and my journal. It’s so nice most of the time because there are normally so few people there. At one point I had the place all to myself. After floating around on my little raft for a while, I hopped out, popped on my headphones, and started jotting down my random thought. For the past few years the Maroon 5 CD, Songs About Jane, has been my pool summer soundtrack. I saw them in concert a few years ago when they opened up for John Mayer, and I really enjoyed their performance so much more. John was too preachy; I just wanted him to sing. Just sing, John, sing! I think I actually yelled that at the concert. So annoying. I couldn’t even understand what his point was; he was just rambling. And now I’m rambling. Sorry.

I need some new music. I want something funky, upbeat, and positive. Any ideas?

Oh, what a beautiful morning!

Bright and early this morning, the alarm clock sounded its melodic summons. It was 5:15 AM. Normally this would not be a problem; I usually rise early. However, I’ve just come off a week of vacation: staying up later and getting up later. This is the day that Chris and I decided that we would start getting up early and going for walks together in the morning instead of trudging through the heat of the evening. Our current course is a little over two miles, but that should increase in the next couple weeks. We will soon be tackling THE HILL. I’ve mentioned this hill before; I’ve spent quite a deal of time on it myself, but Chris has yet to attempt it. Since I’ve been walking with him I haven’t done it for a while. It’s really not that big of a deal; a half a mile up, a mile round trip. However, it is pretty steep, and it was what got me into such great shape a few summers ago. I’m hoping that it does for me what it once did.

Today was my first day on my new job. I’ve mentioned that I am playing the role of a receptionist this summer at the school where I teach. I have been telling people for weeks that my hours were from 8 – 3. However, this morning, after being there for a few hours, I discovered that I do not have to be there until 9. I suppose that it’s good that I found out today instead of getting here an hour early for weeks and then finding out. For those of you who know me well, you know that this type of silly mistake is not at all an uncommon occurrence for me. I have to remember to take enough with me to keep me occupied during those lulls between phone calls. Today I spent a ridiculous amount of time playing on my college alumni site. Which reminds me…. I need to get up and move around as much as possible. After sitting for such long stretches I wasn’t sure if I would be able to move. I’m used to being in constant motion.

How are you at the crossword in the newspaper? I never tried to tackle it until I met Chris, and even then we’d work on it together. However, as there is not much for me to do in between answering the phone I thought I’d try doing them on my own this summer. I am great at the crosswords in People magazine, being the pop culture guru that I am, but the one in the newspaper kicks my butt. Perhaps that doesn’t speak well of me; I hope that I am not showing my ignorance too much. Ah, who cares? At least I keep trying.

Blank canvas

It’s just staring at me and has been for weeks. It sits there on my easel full of a world of possibilities and a very lovely blue green color but void of any real life. I want so much to paint something, but what that something is simply escapes me.


How sad is this? Ideas, anyone?

I wanted to post tonight, but this will be a rather short post. I’ve had a migraine for most of the day, and I finally broke down and took a half of a pain pill. It takes care of the pain, but it also takes care of me being awake or at least coherent. I need to go lie down.

First day of summer

I think that Memorial Day is a great first day of summer, and this has been a great day for me. Chris and I spontaneously decided to go see Over the Hedge this morning at 10. Apparently they show movies that early in the summer! The movie was wonderfully entertaining and funny; we both really enjoyed it. After that we headed back to the house to take care of a few things, and then it was off to Mom and Dad’s house for burgers with the family. We hung out there for a while until it was time for my brother and his family to go back home. At home, we watched The Chronicles of Narnia and then went for a brisk walk with Bella. We even decided to run part of it. When we returned from our walk, we decided to take advantage of the pool at our apartment complex. It was our first swim of the season, and we had the pool all to ourselves. We decided to do a bunch of pool exercises and then relax. We really got a great workout in today.

Oh, and I simply can’t believe this, but Chris asked me if I would like to start doing our walks in the morning! I love working out in the morning, and so next week we’re going to leave at 5:30 AM to walk together. I am so excited about this. The reason why we’re not going to start this week is because I actually have this week off, and I would like one week of not having to get up early. I get up early during the school year to work out; the really great thing is that in the fall Chris will be getting up with me to work out. Anyway, I will start my summer job next week, so this is like a vacation week for me, except for the meeting I have at school tomorrow.

Oh, I forgot to tell you a cute story about my five year old nephew Jack from my birthday. At Logan’s they took me to a more crowded area of the restaurant to properly embarrass me for my birthday. Other than my nephew Seth who also had a birthday coming up, the rest of my family was back at the table. After I received my “yahoo” I returned to the table. Jack asked me what they gave me, and I said that all I had gotten was the “yahoo.” Jack wrinkled up his little forehead and asked, “Can I see your yahoo? What color is it?”

Happy Birthday to Me!!

Yesterday was my birthday. Chris and I had grand plans to take a trip down the Natchez Trace and have a picnic, but that didn’t happen. It would have been so romantic. Oh, well; we’ll have to go later. Anyway, I did get to have lunch with my dad at the Cheesecake Factory. The lunch was good, but the Godiva chocolate cheesecake was divine! The waiters sang to me, of course, but the real treat was that “Happy Birthday Kay” was written in chocolate sauce around the plate. I thought that was a sweet touch. After lunch Dad and I decided to take a stroll around the mall. We discovered a pair of very pretty cubic zirconium earrings on the floor and just as I picked them up a man called out to me and asked if I had just dropped them. Apparently a girl had just been arrested for shoplifting and had dumped the merchandise just before they caught her with it. I was able to return the earrings to the store. No reward, just the satisfaction of bringing about justice.

Other than that exciting outing, I went to see Poseidon at the IMAX with Chris on Monday night at 10 P.M. We never stay out late, so it was really an event for us. We both really liked the movie; I was on the end of my seat for most of the movie. I actually celebrated my birthday at several restaurants this year. There was the dinner at Goten with my family, Sunday lunch at Logan’s where I received a “ya-hoo” for turning “21”, the lunch with Dad, and last night at J. Alexander’s with Chris’s family. I also received a lot of nice things for my birthday. Chris did a great job. He gave me a necklace and earring set, a new book, a subscription to Real Simple magazine, and three cards. Even though I enjoy the attention, I’m truly glad that my birthday is over. I really am having a hard time with the number this year; I guess I just need some time to adjust.

Finally!

I can’t believe that I’ve made it! The last day of classes is over, and I am so relieved. The students really pressed the boundaries, and let me tell you, I exercised a great amount of patience. The last day was Thursday, and I only had to work for four hours on Friday. Afterwards I went to treat myself with a manicure and pedicure and took my friend Charlene with me. I love being pampered and really don’t get the chance to do it very often, maybe twice a year, but this new place I went is considerably cheaper than other places I’ve been. Maybe I will be able to go a little more often, like four times a year.

How I long to be fit! While I was sick I gained weight, and the doctors could not explain why that was occurring. Going to doctors can be so frustrating. We really never received conclusive answers on why I was sick or why I’ve gotten better. So, now I’m trying to get in better shape. The current plan is Pilates in the morning, walking in the afternoon, lots of water, and the Three-Hour Diet. Hopefully, by the end of the summer, I’ll be looking and feeling a lot better.

Did my post a few days ago sound too dismal? I think it’s just because I’ve been so tired lately. Maybe in a week, when all my regular school duties are complete, I’ll be sounding more chipper. Lately I’ve been pushing myself all day and then crashing hard at night. I need balance.

Tonight my family went to Goten to celebrate my brother’s birthday and mine. Chris, my two nephews, and I had a difficult time getting there. There were police cars and roadblocks everywhere, and we could not figure out what was going on. Every turn we made led us to another roadblock which caused in my brain no shortage of fantastical explanations. I turns out that the vice president was/is apparently in town; that’s a much better reasons for the lockdown than what I had going through my mind. Anyway, we had a very nice time at the restaurant. But what is it about Asian food that fills you up to a painful state? I think it’s the combination of the rice and whatever beverage that’s being consumed. I love the show that they put on as they cook your food, but my youngest nephew was terrified of the oil fires on the grill, and we all tried to assure him that he would be fine. Such a face! That bottom lipped protruded, and his eyes were shut tight! For most of the rest of the meal he kept his hands on his ears; all of the banging utensils seemed to unsettle him as well. After dinner we all went to my parents’ house to open presents and sample the caramel pie that my sister-n-law Laura made. All of us, except Chris and Dad, helped ourselves to a slice, even though we had just eaten a huge meal and orange sherbert at the restaurant. Laura took one the pictures from my wedding, a sweet one of my dad kissing my cheek, and put it on a large tile and gave me a stand to set it up with. I know that I cannot adequately describe how lovely this gift was; you would just have to see it. But I absolutely love it, and I can’t wait to find the right place for it in my home. Oh, here’s the picture she used.



Now I think I’ll go make myself a cup of Sleepy Time tea and try to wind down for the evening.

Hello?

Dear readers, are you there? I keep writing but have been getting no comments. I know that Mom has not been able to read, being that my husband is trying to fix her computer, but what about the rest of you?

I am so tired this week. I think it has something to do with the end of the school year. The students are exhausting me. The end is in sight, and I have little moments of excitement as I count down the days. I have little else to report. I am too tired and need to clean up a few things around the house before I settle in for some blessed sleep.

My birthday is next week, and I am not excited about it. All the illusions of glory that I always have built up in my head never come to fruition on my birthday. It’s like getting all worked up over a new movie that’s supposed to be some incredible blockbuster, but it ends up being just OK. This year I’ve tried to set up a couple things, but they just aren’t working out. So, I don’t want to make a big deal of it. If I don’t have high expectations, I won’t be disappointed.

Mmmm… sleep. The sooner I get all my little chores done, the sooner I get to climb into bed and read until I drift away. That sounds so good.

Tra-la-la…BANG!

So, this morning started out well. Chris and I got up and started getting ready for the yard sale at my parents’ house. Someone gave us a newer washer and dryer, so we were planning to sell our smaller old ones at the yard sale, and his dad was coming over to help us put it on my truck. As they moved it down the stairs, I stood out on our balcony listening to them giggle and waiting for them to move out to the sidewalk. Instead, I heard loud banding noises and yelling. I ran back into the house and made my way to the front door; I was going to see if I could go help them. Just as I opened the door, they came barreling back through. Apparently the washer fell off the dolly, and my father-n-law tried to stop it from falling down the stairs. This resulted in his thumb almost being severed from his hand He was bleeding profusely, and they rushed to the kitchen sink to get the bleeding under control and to better judge just what it was we were dealing with. It became readily apparent that he was going to have to go the emergency room. He ended up having to get 12 stitches and a tetnus shot. He is doing well.

It seems like these kinds of things happen when everything is sailing along just fine. We had a plan, and it was a good plan. We’ve been waiting for weeks to get a load of stuff out of the house for this yard sale. They were going to move the washer, and then we’d load up the rest of the stuff. We’d go over to my parents’, and I’d enjoy the day hanging out with my family and making a little cash. Well, that didn’t happen.

After the entire saga with the washer and dryer was over, Chris headed off to help his brother work on a car. My dad, in his truck, followed my brother Wayne and me in mine. We were on the interstate when Wayne asked me what was in the black bag in the back. I told him that it wasn’t a bag but a large bean bag chair. He asked me if I thought it was going to be OK, and I told him that he was wedged in quite nicely. Hmmm…. The next thing we knew, the bean bag was gone. We were unaware that it had flown out of the truck, smacked into the front of my dad’s truck, and rolled away! Wayne and I decided to call it a loss and go on to my parent’s house, but Dad ended up retrieving it and bringing it the rest of the journey!

The rest of the day ended up fine. The yard sale was a success. I was able to spend some time with my family, and I made a little cash. After this crazy day, I am exhausted and will hopefully be in dreamland soon!

Personal Business

I am not sure if I could ever run my own business, but I would like the chance to find out. Perhaps some day I will have a bookstore, café, or a bed and breakfast; I’ve even thought about running a small daycare. Don’t get me wrong; I have a great job. I love where I work now. However, sometimes I think it would be nice to make my own rules. I’m not saying that I don’t want or appreciate accountability. It doesn’t matter what you do, everyone has to be accountable to someone; that’s the way it should be. However, there are times when decisions are made for me in which I wish I had more input. Is this one of those “the grass is always greener…” situations? It could be.

I’ve been reading nonstop lately. I have a stack of books beside my bed that I am working through and another one on my desk at work. I love movies, but there’s nothing like the visions I have as a story plays itself out in my head. Chris and I tried to go to the library in order to get a membership for him last night, but they closed at 5:30. Isn’t that a strange time to close a library? Anyway, we need to do something to make more books available to my husband. He has either read everything or is not interested in what’s on the shelves at the bookstore or doesn’t want to pay the hefty prices for some books. We both love to read and could spend a fortune at Borders, Barnes & Noble, or Davis Kidd. We need to make use of the library. I guess the thing that gets me is the limited time to read the books that are checked out and the late fees. Of course it would be cheaper to pay the late fee than to buy the book, but then I wouldn’t have the book on my shelf as a trophy of my accomplishment. I guess one could argue that I have enough books to show my love of reading, and I don’t really need to own a book unless it’s a classic or one that I am likely to read more than once.

On to another subject, I’ve been wanting to post this picture of Bella. We finally found a bone big enough for her!

Off Kilter

Today was a just a little off. There’s no concrete explanation that I can give you; it just was what it was.

We celebrated my birthday at lunch with a strawberry cake, and someone brought me a lunch from Cracker Barrel. The interesting part of all this is that my birthday is not for another couple weeks. It’s one thing to celebrate the weekend before or after, but weeks before is weird. I ate birthday cake for me, but I didn’t get any birthday wishes from anyone. So, happy early birthday to me!

The baby shower for my friend Bridget was a success, tons of pink gifts for her and her baby girl, lots of oohing and aahing. But there was so much noise and activity; I couldn’t focus very well and ended up missing her opening most of the gifts. I felt a bit disconnected, like floating through a pool with my head underwater. You know what that’s like? You can hear noises; you’re aware that people are there, but you’re strangely removed.

After work, I rushed home to drop of the rest of my birthday cake and then dashed back to my truck in the pouring rain. I was heading to my boss’s house to watch the Oprah show. I arrived just as the rain became a torrential downpour, and I ended up getting soaked as I hurled myself towards the front porch. A few weeks ago my boss and two other teachers went to Chicago for the show, and the episode was airing today. All of the women at work were invited to go. I have often missed out on these gatherings because of scheduling conflicts, and I was determined not to miss this one. However, other than those three women who were on the show, I was the only one to show up. The four of us sat in her den watching and enjoying each other’s company, but they never really had camera time, so all of our eager anticipation amounted to nothing.

The best part of today was walking with Chris though we did not walk any of our normal routes. Since it was raining and the truck was on empty, we decided to take care of two things at once. We stopped to fill up and headed to the mall near our house to do a little power walking. The mall is really a strange place to visit. Most of the stores have closed, and there are very few people milling around the few stores which have remained open. But it’s a great mall for walking; we didn’t have to navigate through crowds. We rounded the mall four times acting like silly little kids and basically just shooting the breeze. So nice.

And now I must put my house in order so I can go to sleep.

Ch-ch-ch-changes….

David Bowie sang about changes. I know I’ve heard that song a hundred times, and I could sing along if it was on the radio, but I can’t remember any of the lyrics at this moment. I was just thinking about the year I’ve hard.

We only have eight days of classes left. After that I give an exam and proctor two others. I have various other meetings and duties to attend to, but the school year will be finished, and I can start to decompress. As it is I can hardly keep my thoughts straight. I keep forgetting things until the last minute; I’m sure that as the time dwindles down I’ll forget things altogether and be blissfully unaware that I missed anything.

This year has been different from the others, but I think that’s because of all the changes I’ve gone through. I did get married just a couple weeks before the school year started. This was also the first year I have not be involved with the fine arts department. The last couple months have been full of change. Three of my friends have announced their pregnancies; and people have been moving into new homes. Though I feel that too much has changed too fast for me, I am looking forward to the changes that will be taking place in a few weeks. Usually I go through a type of separation anxiety at the end of the school year, but I don’t think that’s going to be the case this time. My stress level needs to decrease for a bit; my brain needs a rest.

I was gazing at the pool across the parking lot tonight. Warm weather will be here soon, and I can enjoy basking in the warm glow of the sun and floating lazily around on my big blue float. I love lounging by the pool with my earphones on, lost in the cool tunes, the hot sun, and the glistening blue water. Before you get too jealous, I won’t be over there all the time. Remember, I will be working this summer. But I will be rushing home at the end of the day anxious to take a quick dip before the sun goes down and all chances of freshening up my tan are gone.

Tomorrow we’re having a baby shower at work for my friend Bridget. She’s having a girl in August, and we’re all wearing pink to celebrate her and the baby. I really want to look cute, so I think I’ll go obsess over what I’m wearing tomorrow. Of course, first I have to clean up the kitchen from dinner and take care of the clothes in the washer and dryer. A woman’s work is never done.

Trash Can Living

The title has to do with Oscar the Grouch, who I can really relate to right now. I suppose the difference is that he seems to relish the fact that he’s grouchy, and I really don’t want to be. I’ve been pretty grouchy for the last couple days. I even told the students that I woke up grouchy yesterday. I hate feeling like this, and I wish that I could just flip a switch and be super cheery girl. I’m trying. Bella growled at me a lot tonight. She never does that; maybe my mood is catching. I certainly hope not.

Yesterday was my dad’s 56th birthday. The twelve of us which includes my parents, my brother and his family, my sister and her husband, and Chris and me gathered at a restaurant for dinner. Just as is always the case with a big group of people, several different conversations occurred all at once, and each person took their leisure to drift in and out, sampling parts of each discussion or observation. The evening, for the most part, went well, and we were able to enjoy being together as a family. I wish these events could happen more often, but, with the distance between our homes and our busy schedules, it’s not possible.

My brother and his family are here for the weekend. Tonight Chris and I brought our two oldest nephews home with us. If they lived closer we’d try to have them over once or twice a month. We enjoy spending time with them so much and miss them greatly in between visits. I guess we’re going to have to get children of our own sometime! We ate a late dinner and watched The Replacements on TV. I really like that movie. I like a lot of sports movies because they tend to be inspirational and fun. I guess I’ll probably spend the rest of the evening reading or falling asleep while they find some video game to play.

There are only two weeks of classes left and then exams. After that I will take a week off before starting my new job; I’m going to need a little time to take a break and decompress. I was going to start the day after school ended, but Chris convinced me to give myself a little time; he’s such a smart man. I’m still going to be working at the school during the summer, but I’m going to be answering the phones. It will be a complete change of pace, and I hope that I don’t get tired and sluggish from sitting all day. I’ve been trying to gather ideas for things that I can do while I sit there. I'll read and write and maybe finally be successful at teaching myself to knit. But I really need some other ideas. It’ll be quiet around there with school out of session, but at least I have a job and will be making more money.

Mint chocolate chip ice cream is waiting for me.

Happy Thoughts

Two mornings ago, after I had gotten ready for work, I sat on the bed eating my breakfast, a bowl of Fruity Dino-Bites, and watched a little of Monster’s Inc. with Chris who was still snuggled under the covers, and I was struck with how little it takes to make me happy. There are things in everyday life that bring little rushes of happiness and help the day to move along a little better. I love the first moment I see Chris at the end of the day. I love buying a new piece of clothing and receiving compliments on how I look the first time I wear it. I love the fact that my dog Bella loves me and wants my attention no matter how many times I rant and rave at her. I love reading in bed until I can’t hold my eyes open any longer and then drifting off to sleep with the book still open in my hands. Here are a few of my other favorite things that I am currently enjoying:

Butterflies: Butterflies are so beautiful and light. It seems that they exist just for the beauty that they bring to the world. There’s also the fact that they have to go through a great struggle in order to fly. They work very hard to escape from their cocoon, and the struggle pushes a fluid into their wings that enables them to fly. Struggles make you stronger.

Bunnies: Every time I see a bunny in a field I feel a thrill of delight surge through me. Sure they are cuddly and soft, but I don’t really know what it is about them that makes me so happy. I’m much happier seeing them out in nature than at the pet store. I’ve thought about having one as a pet, but I just don’t think I’d be very happy about it unless I had a large yard for it to hop around in. There is a park near my home, so I get to see bunnies in the wild every few days.

People Magazine: It’s reliable entertainment news. I don’t like many of the other entertainment magazines because they are more gossipy in nature. Plus, there’s the fact that I love doing the crossword every week. I can never complete the crossword in the newspaper, but I’m great at the one in People. I don’t like reading the newspaper or watching news shows on TV; they just bring me down. It’s all bad news, and there is enough to deal with in my every day life. People magazine is entertaining and informative; I like that.

Gilmore Girls: Every afternoon I try to make it home by 4 in order to catch reruns of Gilmore Girls on the Family Channel. Unless I have a bad headache, I quickly change into my workout clothes and walk on my treadmill while I watch. I love the quirkiness of the characters and the snappy dialogue. I get lost in their little world for an hour each day. On Tuesdays I get to watch the watch the show twice because of the new episodes, but that will soon change as the season ends.

Little Big Town: I have been listening to the album The Road to Here quite a bit lately. It’s just a lot of fun, great to sing along with. One of the songs that I particularly like is “Welcome to the Family.” It’s being sung to the groom of the singer’s little sister, and it reminds me a great deal of the type of talk that my brother gave Chris and my sister’s husband before we got married. The basic message is that you better treat my little sister right or you will pay; I get a kick out of listening to it. There was a time when I could not stand country music, and I didn’t understand how anyone else could enjoy it. I was proud of the fact that I was from Nashville but didn’t like country music. However, little by little, my sister and mom began to wear down my resolve. Then Chris came along and broke down the wall completely. Now it rivals any other type of music I listen to.

I guess that about does it for my list today. I could keep going, but what would I write about in other posts?

Give Me a Break

Teachers get themselves into interesting predicaments. Today, my students were taking a quiz, and I really needed to go to the restroom. Normally I could just run out quickly if they were just doing normal class work. However, I can’t just pick up and go while testing is going on; they must be supervised. So, I sent out a little petition for someone to run over to watch my precious little angels. No such luck. It wouldn’t be so bad if my classes were only 45 minutes, but they are 90 minutes long! Can you believe it? Do people in other professions have this problem?

I’ve gotten in the habit of calling my mom each morning on the way to work. It’s so nice to hear her voice first thing in the morning. She has such a soothing, peaceful voice. If I feel anxious about an issue, we don’t even have to talk about it. We can discuss the weather or what I’m wearing; I just feel calmer talking to her. I wonder if other moms have that effect. Is it just the “Mom Effect” or is it one of my own mom’s special qualities? Whatever it is I hope that my children feel the same about me as I do my mom.

Tonight Chris brought home dinner from Pei Wei. I love their lettuce wraps and Mongolian beef. We ate our delicious Chinese food and watched Fun With Dick and Jane, which stars Jim Carrey and Tea Leoni as a couple who lose all they have and end up opting for a life of crime in order preserve their family. For most of the movie, I felt very sad. I sympathize with characters in movies way too much. Chris says that the fact that I feel so much for these people in movies is evidence that I have a big heart, and I think that I’m just way too sensitive. At any rate, I was sinking lower and thinking that there was no way that it could end well. I, of course, forgot that it was a comedy and, by definition, has to have some kind of happy ending. Still, despite my generally positive outlook, I just couldn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel, and I just didn’t know if I could keep watching if the movie was going to leave me wallowing in an abyss of failed dreams. I will not give away the ending for those of you who have not seen it, but I will say that I was pleased with the outcome. I can now move on with my life and sleep tonight without worrying about fictitious characters and their plight in life.

Though it is a bit too early for bed, I will be soon heading in that direction. I did not sleep well last night, have been dealing with a headache for much of the evening, and walked 2 1/2 miles on the treadmill this afternoon. I’m tired. So, I wish a good night to all.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!?

I know that I have not tended to my blog for more than a week now. I apologize for my absence. Each time I sat down to write over the last week, I just wasn’t able to come up with anything. It’s not that my mind has been blank; it’s just been on overload. Too many thoughts have been swirling around in my head, and I couldn’t grab hold of one long enough to actually write something coherent.

I’ve been reading quite a bit. I read several books for work as I was attempting to find a new novel to teach next year. I was looking for one which would work in conjunction with Black History Month. I landed on Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry by Mildred D. Taylor. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it. It, along with its sequel, Let the Circle Be Unbroken, follows the life of the Logans, a black family in Mississippi in the 1930’s, and I simply couldn’t put down the books until I finished them. I am quite excited about teaching the novel and discussing the various issues the novel deals with.

In addition to my reading for work, I’ve been reading quite a bit on my own as well. I just finished Eldest, which is the sequel to Eragon by Christopher Paolini. My husband Chris is fascinated by dragons and turned me onto this series. By the end of the book I was breathlessly racing ahead to see what would happen next. I also finished a Nicholas Sparks book, Nights in Rodanthe, and I’ve been reading a historical fiction novel, Widow of the South by Robert Hicks. I would be remiss if I did not also include my Bible reading; I’ve been quite inspired by Philippians as of late. That pretty much sums up my reading over the past week and a half. As you can see, my interests are quite varied. I simply love reading; to me it is quite a gift.

Yesterday I went shopping with Mom. She is simply my best friend. I love spending time with her, and I am so grateful for the relationship we have. We skirted around the Bellevue area, taking care of various errands. One of my favorite stops was Michael’s, the craft store. I bought painting materials, scrap booking supplies, and some wood pieces for another project. I have painted the base color on one of my canvasses, but I have not been able to do much else, and I am anxious to work on the painting. Hopefully I will have some time this week to let my creative juices flow. I also picked up some information for the special classes at Michael’s. In June, I plan to take the first course of cake decorating, and in July I will hope to take the second course. I’m hoping that Mom will want to take them with me. I would start the classes in May, but one of them would interfere with my birthday, and I just can’t let that happen, so I will wait.

Chris and I have been seeing a few movies lately. The interesting thing is that most of them have been children’s movies. Most of them have been wonderful stories with plenty to thrill people from all age groups. One of the most important things for Chris and me is that a movie has a strong plot to move the action along. Special effects, good actors, and interesting cinematography are all important, but if the plot is lacking, the movie is just not worth the price of the movie ticket. It’s alright for rental. However, in order to justify spending the money it takes to go to the theater, the movie needs to be high quality. A few of the movies we’ve thoroughly enjoyed lately have been Nanny McPhee, Eight Below, and Ice Age 2. However, we were less than impressed with the movie we saw this afternoon, The Wild; the story line was weak. There hasn’t been anything else at the theaters to grab our attention. I think that we are in the lull that occurs between the feel-good Christmas moves and the summer blockbusters. I’m looking forward to more diverse choices in the near future; perhaps Chris and I will be able to find a movie with a more adult crowd to view. Lately we’ve been the only ones in the theater without children, but I guess that we’re both just a couple of big kids anyway!

Another entry

I just couldn't think of a title for this one. So here goes....

When I was a little girl, I would act like I was a teacher. I would set up a dozen or so of my stuffed animals and my Barbies, and I would often include my little sister in her carseat to the mix. I had a chalkboard and extra workbooks and I would go around and check everyone's work and instruct them the best I knew how. I had a captive audience, and I loved it.

It's interesting that I feel much the same now as I did then. Sometimes when I'm filling out various forms or implementing some strategy in my lesson plans, I feel like I'm "playing school." I guess that means that I'm having fun. On most days, I do enjoy my job very much. I think at least part of that might be that, just as I did when I was a little girl, I have a captive audience.

I think that I was born to be a teacher. No matter where I go in life, I think that I will always find a way to teach. But as we get to the end of the school year, I'm getting tired. We're going down the home stretch here, and I want to sit down and forfeit the game. But I will press on and work hard to finish well.

Speaking of finishing well, Chris and I broke down and bought some new furniture the other night. It was like an aventure. Friday night I told Chris that we really needed to do something to brighten up the apartment and to get the office organized. So we went to Walmart to see what we could do. I saw a pine TV armoire that I just feel for. However, they didn't have one in stock at that Walmart, so we had a guy at customer service call across town to check their stock. They had one left, so we rushed over and bought the armoire, three sets of bookcases, a computer desk which has another set of shelves with it, a torchiere lamp, and a nightlight. I know it sounds extravagant, especially for two people who are quite limited on funds. But we did get a good deal for our money, and the items we had in our apartment were falling apart and just plain ugly. Now my apartment seems more like a home and less like a transitional place.

Happy Easter!

I was able to celebrate the day with both my family and Chris’s. We had lunch with his side in Crossville, and it was so wonderful to get away from town to a place a bit slower and more peaceful than our every day lives. We drove back to Nashville and arrived a little after four. Shortly after than, we had an Easter egg hunt in the backyard for my nephews, and I felt such happiness watching those boys scurry back and forth and discovering the eggs. Then we had the hunt for the “big kids.” (That would be my siblings, me, and our spouses.) We hunted inside the house for eggs filled with coins! There were three prize eggs, and I found two of them, but I let someone else get the second one I found. I wanted someone else to have the thrill of getting it; one prize egg was enough for me.

On the way home tonight, I felt like I was beginning to see the wonder of the world again. There is so much beauty and joy to be had, and I don’t want to miss it. Hearing my nephews laugh, seeing my brother after a long absence, spending time with my beautiful Mom, hearing “I love you” from any member of my family, having my husband wrap me up in his arms, feeling the cool breeze on this warm spring day: these are all things to be thankful for. And they are all gifts from God. I am blessed. I hope that you are able to find blessings in your day as well.

Back to Life

I really haven’t been able to write over the last couple weeks. There has been too much upheaval in my life, and I have not been dealing very well with it. Really, I just haven’t been myself. But, I’m back.

Today I have the day off of work for Good Friday. The significance of this weekend does not escape me. It’s all about redemption and new life. I can’t wait until Sunday. I feel like there’s some new phase waiting for me there. I do get to see Wayne, Laura, and the boys. I’ll be spending time with Chris’s family and then with my own, and it promises to be a positive, upbeat day. After all that’s happened, I need fun and good news. And I don’t mean to be selfish, but good news for other people doesn’t count. Other people have been telling me all of their good news, and while I am happy for them, Chris and I need good news for us.

It’s 10 o’clock in the morning, and I’m still in my pajamas! I need to get moving here in a few minutes. I have so much to do around this apartment. Does anyone have any ideas for how I can brighten this place up? Lately I’ve been struck with how dark it is in here. I don’t know what to do about that. After I finish a few little chores around here, I will be going to meet my mom, a friend, and her mom for lunch at one of my favorite places, the City Limits Café. They have great Panini sandwiches there, delicious soups, and yummy desserts.

Hopefully, I will have more to write later and can write more often. I have missed it.

Hit Rewind

That’s what I wish that I could do. My parents have had eight foster children over the last ten years, and this week my first foster brother Charlie was killed. He died Friday morning, though we found out about his condition Wednesday night. I really can’t write of the details here, but I suppose I can say that his life was taken from him.

He was with my family for a couple years, and then he was adopted by some of his extended family members. We were able to spend Thanksgiving with him this last year. We watched a bunch of old home movies before we sat down to dinner, and though some of what we saw was painfully embarrassing, we still enjoyed a little trip down Memory Lane. What can I tell you about Charlie? He was twenty three and would have gotten married in August. He had a wonderful smile and a silliness that was endearing. He loved being with my family. And I would like to run time back to stop the tragic ending of his life, but I can’t. And tomorrow afternoon we will lay his body to rest, but his spirit is already in heaven, finally set free from the hardships he endured while on this earth. That is what I must concentrate on in order to ease some of the sadness. I am sad. And I’m mad that something so senseless happened. And my mind keeps rejecting the reality of this.

It’s just going to take some time.

Exhausted!

This weekend I’ve helped my sister move, helped my old roommate shop for her new house, driven my nephews back to Fort Knox, and packed for a trip I’m going on tomorrow. I have to be at the school at six in the morning, and I’ll be heading off to the Smokey Mountains with 82 seventh graders for three days of hiking. I am so tired right now that I can hardly think of tramping around on trails with a bunch of kids.

The really hard part of this is that this trip will be the longest that I’ve been away from Chris since we’ve been together. I know that many other women have to spend months and even years away from their spouses, so I can’t really compare. However, I am very sad. Even though I haven’t left, I miss him already.

For now, I need to double check my packing list and get ready for bed. I’ll be back on Wednesday night.

Grrr….

One of the things I truly hate is when someone says, “Welcome to the real world” or some variation of that. It REALLY gets under my skin. Today I was treated to one of those little variations. I was red hot. I kept my composure until I left work, but I was really mad. Have I not been in the “real world?” By the way, everyone is in the real world. People have different circumstances and positions in life, but difficulty doesn’t fit only certain groups: social, age, race, gender, etc. I hate it when adults say to younger people, “Just wait until you get into the real world.” That’s just stupid. Of course kids can’t handle whatever the adult is going through; they’re not supposed to. They’re handling what they can at their age. And, by the way, I am not a child and don’t need anyone to tell me what it’s like in the “real world.” (taking a deep breath) I’m done fuming now.

Speaking of kids, my nephew Brent was at my apartment when I got home. Chris had to go off for a call as soon as I arrived home, so it was just me and Brent. Not long after Chris left, he called and said that he’d left an important notebook at home, so Brent and I hoped in the truck to take it to him. Afterwards, we dropped by the mall, browsed around, and left to go get Icees at the gas station. It was totally simple afternoon, and it made me feel so much better, just hanging out with Brent. Tomorrow he’s going to spend the day with me at work. I’m baffled by the fact that he wants to hang with me at school on his Spring Break. But I’ll be glad to have him there, and my students are really excited that he’s coming too.

Have a mentioned my great love for Extreme Makeover: Home Edition? That show is phenomenal! I absolutely love watching it on Sunday, but now they have this four week special with them helping victims of the hurricanes. The magnitude of their generosity astounds me and causes me to wish that I had the means to help people in the same way. And it reminds me that while I genuinely long for another place to live, I am much better off than so many others and should be thankful for what I have.

Singing in the Rain

Tonight Chris and I went for a walk around the neighborhood and got caught in a little rain. It was really not enough to get us wet, but I still wondered if we were crazy to go walking on such a night. Neither one of us really expected it to start raining, so I guess we’re not really that crazy. The thing is that contrary to my title we didn’t sing in the rain. I thought about it and almost asked him if he would like to sing. So, even though I didn’t do it; it’s the thought that matters, right?

Lately it seems that there are so many issues that seek to congest the highways of my mind. I keep looking for a way out of the madness, but things just get more and more backed up. Walking and talking with Chris did me a world of good. I need to be reminded that things are going to work out and that I am loved. Don’t we all need that?

I went back to work today after my blessedly uneventful spring break. It was quite strange to be there, but of course I feel easily back into my routine. I enjoy being around the students and the people I work with. Everyone was animatedly telling their vacation stories; the children kept trying to one up one another with crazy and interesting things that happened on their trips; they went on cruises, skiing, to the beach, and to Italy. I was quite entertained with their delightfully retelling of trying out the black diamond slopes, visiting the Vatican and the Sistine Chapel, and enjoying time with their families in Florida. While I laughed at their stories and lamented the fact that I have gone so long without feeling the sand between my toes, I still loved the fact that this year I didn’t need a vacation to recover from my vacation.

It’s going to be an early night for me. I only had about three hours of sleep last night, so I plan to go to bed early tonight to catch up a bit.

Growing pains

While trying to edit my last post I had some problems with the pictures. So, I'm going to try again to post a couple pictures.

This is Chris and me with Bella a few months ago.



This is us shortly after we got her.



My hasn't she grown! And yet her living space has not. It's a good thing she's pretty and sweet.

Moving

I’m not moving though I seriously wish that I were. My sister and her husband are moving this weekend, and so are my friend and her husband who live across the hall. While I am thrilled for both of those couples, I still cannot help but wish that I had a new house to go to. I am grateful for our little apartment, and I suppose that one day I will look back on my first days with Chris here with nostalgia. However, there are so many things about this apartment that just don’t work for us. Instead of lamenting (too much) over what I don’t have, Chris and I are praying for a new place to call home soon.

Seriously, I think that if we didn’t have Bella we’d be somewhat happier in this apartment, but we do have her.

Though others have suggested that we get rid of her, she’s here to stay. We just love her too much. We actually got her while we were still just dating and have now had her for almost two years. Chris lived in an apartment downstairs from me at that time, and it was easy to share co-ownership of her. There were times while we were dating that I wondered who would end up with her should we break up, but we stayed together and never had to face that awful decision. Bella needs a yard and just more space in general.

Chris and I need more space. Half of our kitchen supplies and basic décor is in storage at his parents’ house. I’d love at least to have the crock pot here, but I don’t have a place for it. When I finally have a house and get to retrieve all of my stuff, it’ll be like Christmas morning or like going through one of those amazing bridal showers all over again. At least this time I won’t be worried about thank you notes; thankfully, those are behind me. I told Chris that I didn’t want to have a baby too soon because I know that I will have to go through writing a bunch of thank you notes again. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but it is quite a chore. I always feel like I need to make each note as special as possible. I don’t want them to sound too formulated, so it takes me quite a while to get them done.

I’m going to go and get Chris and the boys off of the couch, away from the video games, and out of the house!

Slacker!

Yeah, so I know that I haven’t written all week. But I’ve been on Spring Break. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t really go anywhere; I’ve just been taking a break from the norm. This week I haven’t gotten up early, exercised, or worried about work. I did thoroughly clean my humble apartment and spend time with Chris, and that had made for a lovely break.

I can’t believe that my break is almost over. I remember thinking at the beginning of the week that I was planning on taking everything slowly so that I could truly enjoy my vacation time. I feel like I was really living in the moment, and yet here I am near the end wondering how if flew by so fast. Why is it that the older one gets the faster everything seems to go?

By the way, in case you’re wondering about how all the doctors’ appointments have turned out, all of the tests have come back normal. There doesn’t seem to be any conclusive evidence for why I’ve been feeling the way that I have. So, I’m loading up on the vitamins, and I’m attacking all of my symptoms as naturally as I can. We’ll see how that works. It is interesting to me that I’ve felt better this week than I have in a long time. Maybe it has something to do with my stress level, or it could be that I’m allergic to something at work. Maybe I’m allergic to work in general! Nah, I enjoy my work; that couldn’t be it.

Today Mom and I journeyed to Fort Knox to pick up two little vagabonds, my nephews, Brent and Seth. Chris and I are keeping them for the weekend, and we couldn’t be more thrilled. Almost every weekend we comment to each other that we wish that we could have “the boys” here. The cool thing is that they will be staying with my parents during the week for their Spring Break, so we’ll get to see them all week. Having them here is really fun for Chris because he has video game companions. I’m terrible at video games and lose interest pretty quickly. The three of them can play all day long, and all I have to do is make sure that they stop every once in a while to scarf down some food before returning to their play. Of course I am hoping to get us all out of the house a bit this weekend. It’s too bad that our nephews don’t live closer to us; we’d have them over so much more often. I guess we’re going to have to have some kids of our own sometime soon!

Chris is in the kitchen fixing filet mignon and corn on the cob on the grill. He’s a great man at the grill. Speaking of what a wonderful cook I have… yesterday I was supposed to bake a birthday cake for one of our friends, but I ran out of time. So, Chris volunteered to do it for me today while I went to get the boys. All I had to do when I got home was decorate it. Can you believe that he did that for me? Color me grateful.

Beautiful Day

Though it started out a bit chilly this morning and despite the threat of rain that simply never came, today turned out to be beautiful. Chris and I were able to spend the entire day together, and I actually felt well all day! No pain!

We drove to Crossville, which is about two hours away, to see his granny who is in the hospital on the mend from surgery. She is doing much better than earlier in the week, and we enjoyed chatting with her for about an hour. After we left, we really had nowhere definite to be, so I somewhat jokingly suggested that we go to Chattanooga. His eyebrows shot up, and he said, ‘Why not?” So, we took the old route on Highway 127 to Chattanooga.

On the way there we talked about all sorts of things: house hunting, children, music, traveling, and so much more. And we enjoyed the scenery, which included a very majestic looking white tailed hawk that nearly landed on our car and a house shaped like a spaceship. The route took us over Signal Mountain, and we stopped at an overlook for a breathtaking view. The strange thing is that the only other people who stopped was a couple from Nashville. And even stranger, the guy works with one of our friends!

Once we arrived in Chattanooga I called up some old college friends to see if we could drop by since we were in town, and they told us to come on over. It was so nice to see their new house and new baby. They actually have three daughters; the oldest one is named after me. It was a short but pleasant visit, and it’s all that we did in Chattanooga.

Today felt spontaneous and adventurous. We didn’t really do anything outlandish, but it was out of the ordinary for us. And it was refreshing, just what we needed.

Sleepy Kay

I didn't sleep at all last night. And I do mean not at all. The doctor prescribed me a new medicine for the migraines yesterday, and it kept me up all night. My heart was racing! I don't think I'll be taking that anymore, which could also be good financially being that it was terribly expensive. Can you get refunds on prescriptions? I wouldn't think that you could, but it certainly would be helpful. Anyway, I was tossing and turning so much that I had to go to the couch so that I could keep from waking Chris up. I thought about reading or watching TV, but I didn't want to get interested in anything and cause my brain to be more engaged and keep me awake. So I just lay on the couch praying that I would go to sleep. Still, sleep completely escaped me.

I'm actually at work right now, but I'm all caught up. Everything is graded and recorded; lesson plans have been made; documents have been typed. In short, it's done. They're actually letting me leave here early today to go home to see if I can get a little sleep. I'll teach my last class and leave here around 12:45. I can't wait to go home. I keep daydreaming about crawling into bed, slipping a sleep mask over my eyes, and drifting off.

Tonight Chris and I are supposed to go over to his parents' house for dinner. I'm really looking forward to it; I don't think we've seen them in a few weeks. Life has just been crazy busy. I haven't seen my mom in a while either; Dad stops by the school every Tuesday, so I get to visit with him at least once a week. But I have Spring Break starting tomorrow (Woo-hoo!), so I should have a little time to spend with my loved ones. I'm staying home for break and plan to do some spring cleaning. It will be so nice to get my apartment in order. Chris actually told me not to clean this week since I am planning a major overhaul next week. I guess I don't have to tell you that I quickly agreed to that. Other than the basic of laundry and dishes, I've done very little in the cleaning department this week.

Other than cleaning I'm bringing home about six Civil War documentaries from the library to watch in order to see if any of them will work for class. As excited as I am to have a clean house and as much as love studying about the Civill War, those things hardly count as real spring break fun. However, we're low on the funds, so we can't really afford to do much. I do hope that we can manage to go out once, even if it's just for bowling or something like that.

What’s the deal?

I go to the same Starbucks about once a week. I’m not a big coffee drinker unless I make it myself, but I do like specialty drinks. I order the same thing every week: a tall tea cider with Calm tea. Strangely enough, every week they seem totally confused by this order. Eyebrows crease and those same questions come tumbling out. I just smile and say, “I don’t want caramel or cinnamon, just the hot cider and with a bag of Calm tea, thank you.” Yet, still, I feel as if I’m being viewed as some strange being from another world who might as well be ordering meteorite juice. Finally, light begins to dawn in the barista’s eyes. “Oh, I see what you’re asking for; sure, we can do that!” Hmmm, you think? I’ve only ordered this particular drink at this very Starbucks a hundred times.

Anyway, despite the difficulties of ordering this drink; you really should try it. It’s a soothing type of beverage, just the right thing to partake of before attempting to go to sleep. I often have different sleep problems, so anything that can calm me down and slow my thinking process is good for me. Last night Chris said that I was extremely restless and actually smacked him a few times. I was having the most bizarre dreams, and between the migraine and the medicine I took, I’m not really surprised that I was flailing my arms a bit. I was somewhat aware of the fact that I was in pain even though I was asleep, so I really couldn’t have been sleeping that deeply, not deep enough to be truly rested this morning but apparently deep enough to hit my husband. How strange.

Do you ever wake up from a dream and want to go back to sleep immediately and finish the dream? I’ve tried it, but even if I somehow end up in the same place, the dream doesn’t end the way I would have wanted it to. Most of my dreams are so strange that I just lie there trying to figure it all out. There are times that I will have dreams which incorporate people from high school, college, and the school I teach at now. I’ve spent my entire life around schools, so it makes sense that my dreams would often be there too. However, it’s very strange when several different time periods of my life collide, and it’s almost never pleasant.

I’m happier at this stage in my life than I ever was before. I think it has a lot to do with confidence and truly knowing who I am and not being afraid for others to see that. I wish that I had that when I was younger. I wish that I could go back and talk to the younger me and tell me to embrace who I was. Even then I think I had all the elements I needed to be all that I wanted to be; I just couldn’t see it. I guess a lot of us end up saying, “If only I knew then what I know now, I would have....” What would I have done? It’s hard to say, and there’s really no way to truly know.


Along that same thought, we just finished watching Walk the Line. Brilliant. I loved it. I felt that Reese’s Oscar was well deserved, and I wish that Joaquin could have walked away with one as well. Anyway, the point is, I’m sure that there were points in Johnny Cash’s life when he would have felt the same as I do. He could have been spared so much pain and could have spared others if only he had seen things clearer earlier. Of course we all know the real point to all of this is that we learn something along the way and find a way to make the world better. I’d like to think I’m doing that… learning and making things better.

But I'm not sleepy....

OK, so I really am sleepy. I’m exhausted from fighting with the pain of the migraine. However, I’m being forced to rest. Yes, of course, I need it. After I posted yesterday the migraine became increasingly worse. I just lay on the couch whimpering with my sleep mask over my eyes to keep out the light. You may wonder why I wasn’t in bed. Well, I got up yesterday morning intending to accomplish all types of tasks, mostly in the cleaning arena. The first thing I did was strip the bed to wash the sheets. However, before I could put fresh sheets back on the bed, the pain hit full force. Finally, when Chris arrived home about 4:30, he put clean sheets on the bed, and I was able to have a more comfortable place to ride out the storm. The pain continues today, just not as bad.

I’m not really supposed to be sitting up at the computer right now. Chris went out to work on the Rover and made me promise to rest before he left. But I thought that I’d just write a little first. I hardly wrote at all last week, and I really want to make up for it.

We did get to church this morning. After church, we went to lunch with Matt and Eva at Jason’s Deli. It’s one of Chris’s favorite places to eat, and I really like the potatoes there. Have you ever had them? They’re huge! I get the Spud Lite, but it’s still massive with tons of toppings. I can only eat about half of it. Another great thing about Jason’s Deli is the free ice cream. They have soft serve in chocolate, vanilla, and swirl. It’s delicious, but I think it tastes even better because it’s free!

I guess I better wrap this up and go rest. I’m taking Beauty and the Beast with me to play just in case I don’t fall asleep right away or at all. I need something sweet and fun to watch, and the songs from that movie have been going through my head today for some reason.

Saturday’s alright for fighting.

I’m not really fighting anyone, unless this migraine counts. It’s been a busy and tiring week. I had three doctor appointments, and we still don’t quite know what’s going on with me. I have one at the Headache Clinic next week, and then the week after I go in for a full physical. I’ve been to see some type of doctor every week for the past month, and I’m so tired of going. This is the second or third migraine I’ve had this week. Right now it’s a dull roar, so I can manage to write this blog, check other blogs, and read my e-mail. Then I’m headed back to the couch to rest for a bit.

One of my appointments was at the eye doctor. We had to rule out my eyes as being a cause for the migraines. It turns out that while they don’t seem to the culprit, I did have to get glasses. I will mostly have to wear them for night driving, though it wouldn’t hurt to wear them other times. I’ve never worn glasses before, other than a wide array of sunglasses. I can barely handle being outside during the day without sunglasses, even when it’s overcast. It’s just so bright to me; I’m definitely light sensitive. I love low lighting and would get rid of those atrocious florescent lights in my classroom if I could. Anyway, at least my frames are cute and make me look smart.

It’s Saturday and like most Saturdays I am alone at home. Well, Bella is here, and I am quite thankful for her company. However, Chris is gone. He had an appointment for work, and then he had to go work on our white Rover. A few weeks ago, we were a two Rover family, but then both of them went down. In all likelihood, we will never get our black one back. Hopefully we’ll get the white Rover back today. In the mean time, we’ve been driving borrowed cars. I’ve been driving a little Chevy pickup, and Chris has been in this tiny convertible. I know he’s anxious to be higher up from the ground. While this is really not what we would have chosen, we are grateful to be able to get around, thanks to both of our dads.

OK, nap time. Perhaps next time I write it will be with less pain.

Time for Leisure

It’s strange that I would be in such a good mood on a Monday, but I just had the best afternoon and evening with Chris. We didn’t win the lottery or a trip around the world. No one from Publisher’s Clearing House showed up with a hundred balloons and enormous check with our name neatly written on it. And no, we are not pregnant. We merely spent time just hanging out.

He actually was home when I arrived today; that was a joy in itself. Then he agreed to go walking with me, so we suited up Bella in her harness and took off for the park across the road from our complex. What a gorgeous day! Sure, the breeze was a little chilly but on the whole very enjoyable. In all we traveled roughly two and a half miles around the park enjoying our brief escape into nature. And we simply talked.

He asked me about my day and truly wanted to hear the details. I rambled on about the day’s events and then vented my frustrations over a couple issues. Chris is so good at listening; he actually even waits for me to ask what he thinks before he just rushes in to give his opinion. (I really need to work on that; I’m very opinionated!)

After we finished our walk, we decided to go pick up a few groceries for the rest of the week and some take-out Chinese for tonight. While we ate, we watched Cliffhanger, an early ‘90’s action flick with Sylvester Stalone. Interestingly enough, I saw it when it first came out and really liked it, but as I sat there watching it tonight I was amazed at how bad the acting was. Sometimes, however, that’s part of the fun – giggling at the ridiculous dialogue and even worse delivery of those lines. Still, I was clinging to Chris as one character after another lost the fight on those snowy Colorado slopes, and he warned me to cover my eyes each time something gory was about to occur.

As for the rest of the night, I plan to get into my pj’s and read for a while until I drift off to dreamland. Nights like this are rare, and I plan to take full advantage of it. Some day we will have kids, and there will be no more nights like these. Hmmm, that thought just makes me more tired. Good night.

Today is a historical day.

It is for me anyway. Today marks seven months of marriage for Chris and me; and it is my grandfather’s 81st birthday. I am thrilled that Chris and I are a little over half way into that ominous first year, and I truly enjoyed spending the afternoon enjoying lunch with twenty people, family and friends, at Cock of the Walk and watching Paw Paw open presents and get a little choked up over how much we all love him. Most importantly, however, it’s Oscar Night! (Does sarcasm come through in print?) Really, how can you top extremely rich people dressed in ridiculously expensive clothes and giving each other awards for doing their job well? Yeah, so I’m wrestling with the jealousy.

In truth I’m sitting here glued to the TV trying to catch every glimpse of the stars that I can. I’m dreaming of being there sitting behind Nicole Kidman, just the right of Stephen Spielberg, and somewhere in the general vicinity of Will Smith. I’m wearing the most beautiful gown, probably a deep emerald green, with my hair delicately swept up into a lovely French twist with light tendrils drifting romantically around my cheeks. Lovely, delicate, diamond drop earrings dangle from my ears, my skin glows with a dewy, youthful glow; and on my arm is my sweet husband decked out in the finest Armani can offer. I don’t have to win; it’s an honor just to be nominated or to present or just to sit near Reese Witherspoon or to accidentally bump into Morgan Freeman at the Governor’s Ball. And the dream goes on….

In reality, I’ve spent the evening on the couch in the living room while Chris retreated to the office to play computer games and then to our bedroom to chat on the phone and channel surf. I’m wearing jeans, and although it is a good hair day, it’s not glamorous, and I certainly don’t have any diamonds other than in my lovely engagement ring.

I’ve been typing during the commercials so that I don’t miss anything. And now, I really must get back to the program and my dream.

Oops!

I cannot believe that I made such a bad typo in my last post. I usually end up typing “Christ” when I am trying to type “Chris.” This time, however, it was the other way around. Apologies to all…. At least we got a good laugh out of it, as I hope did God.

Today we had gorgeous weather, and I wish that I had been able to take advantage of it in the daylight hours. However, Chris and I did manage to go for a walk together tonight which is one of my favorite things to do with him. After dinner, we harnessed Bella and set out for a trip around the neighborhood.

On the way out of the complex, I heard someone behind me say, “Is that yours, Kay?” The person was bathed in the bright light from the streetlight in the parking lot, so I couldn’t see them right away. However, after a moment, I realized that it was Eddie, a guy I knew from high school. And this isn’t just any guy. He’s the one I had a secret crush on for all four years of high school! Crazy, huh? Anyway, I introduced him to Chris and Bella, and the three of us talked for a few minutes. It turns out that he’s been living here in one of the one bedroom units by himself for two years now, and we just hadn’t run into each other!

As far as my crush in high school, I don’t even remember now what it was that I was so attracted to. He was funny and nice, but I can’t remember much beyond that. It’s funny how things can seem overwhelmingly important to you in the moment, but as time passes, those very same things become no more than a faded memory. He looked good, just like he did in high school, but as I went on my way with Chris, I felt extremely blessed that my life has turned the way it has. Chris is amazingly kind and caring and loves me like I believe no one else could. It kind of reminds me of that Garth Brooks song, “Unanswered Prayers.” I’ve prayed for so many things in my life that I thought would make me happy, but God knew what would truly make me happy. I could not have imagined happiness like I now have.

Of course, I am a newlywed, so I guess my sappy comments go with the territory. I could keep going, but I’ll spare you from any more. Instead, I will quite writing and go sit with my husband who is patiently waiting for me to go watch TV with him.